Hi all
I am also sailing in the same boat. I have posted here several times before. All for just venting my feelings. My sil is a monster. She ruined her family, my in-laws and now she is ruining my life. She doesn't respect anyone, carries so much hatred and talks like an angel to my husband. He trusts her badly. Others are ignoring her for which i am suffering here. I am separated from all my brothers, sister. Its two years now and i haven't visited any of my brothers who are staying in the same country. I am a working woman! From childhood i thought if i do good, study well and work hard, i will have a better life. I can't spend a penny for me now, still i have to work like a bull. Is God really there? Even if I want to get some simple thing, my husband goes mad and beats me.
I feel like getting separated from him. I can't believe this is happening to me. I am too scared to face the world. I don't have the right to feel sad also. When he scolds if I keep quiet and cry, then it irritates my husband. He thinks i am expecting too much from him, scolds me and beats me. I feel like committing sucide. If i separate from him, that would be bringing bad name to my parents. I don't see any options except for keeping quiet and leave everything to fate. I have lost the strength to fight and have no interest to live with such bad souls.
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Hi all
I am also sailing in the same boat. I have posted here several times before. All for just venting my feelings. My sil is a monster. She ruined her family, my in-laws and now she is ruining my life. She doesn't respect anyone, carries so much hatred and talks like an angel to my husband. He trusts her badly. Others are ignoring her for which i am suffering here. I am separated from all my brothers, sister. Its two years now and i haven't visited any of my brothers who are staying in the same country. I am a working woman! From childhood i thought if i do good, study well and work hard, i will have a better life. I can't spend a penny for me now, still i have to work like a bull. Is God really there? Even if I want to get some simple thing, my husband goes mad and beats me.
I feel like getting separated from him. I can't believe this is happening to me. I am too scared to face the world. I don't have the right to feel sad also. When he scolds if I keep quiet and cry, then it irritates my husband. He thinks i am expecting too much from him, scolds me and beats me. I feel like committing sucide. If i separate from him, that would be bringing bad name to my parents. I don't see any options except for keeping quiet and leave everything to fate. I have lost the strength to fight and have no interest to live with such bad souls.
Viv replied. Hello, yes. You should leave him. He doesn't have any respect for you. But, plan your escape very well. Memorize it in your head. Find someone who you can confide in. Squirrel away any penny you can. Open up a separate bank account and save. Think positive. Don't have any babies with him. Do you want your child to see you getting beaten by his/her father? That's not just physical abuse..but mental and emotional abuse as well. He is responsible for hitting you...not your sister-in-law. Pray to God and lean on him for guidance. He will deliver you from the hell you are living. Find a safe haven where you can go to. WOmen's shelter, a trusted friend who is not connected with your husband's family in any way. Do what you must, but leave. Virginiagal is right...think of it as finding yourself, not loosing him. Plus, he's not worth one mite of your time. You deserve much more respect and dignity. Reassure yourself of this.
God bless and keep you strong, girl.
JointFamily replied. My net had some problem! Same message got posted multiple times in below reply. No way to erase! Apology.
VirginiaGal replied. Leave him. Some people don't change. Don't have a baby with him! Having a baby will not make things any easier. Leave him. Losing him is not what matters, it is YOU that will be found. Recapture your life, your youth, what's left of your happiness and dignity and leave that lopsided house and don't come back. Pray to God to GUIDE you in your LIFE to the right religion and provide for you and give you better then what you have lost. There is hope. When you kill yourself, there is no hope. The pain does not end. It passes on to your family members. And you suffer in the hereafter. So have hope. Its God's world. God is in charge and more powerful then any human being. Put your faith in God and don't stay one minute with those crazy people.
Are you in the US by any chance? I would not mind chatting with you on the phone.
VirginiaGal replied. Leave him. Some people don't change. Don't have a baby with him! Having a baby will not make things any easier. Leave him. Losing him is not what matters, it is YOU that will be found. Recapture your life, your youth, what's left of your happiness and dignity and leave that lopsided house and don't come back. Pray to God to GUIDE you in your LIFE to the right religion and provide for you and give you better then what you have lost. There is hope. When you kill yourself, there is no hope. The pain does not end. It passes on to your family members. And you suffer in the hereafter. So have hope. Its God's world. God is in charge and more powerful then any human being. Put your faith in God and don't stay one minute with those crazy people.
Are you in the US by any chance? I would not mind chatting with you on the phone.
JointFamily replied. Hey -
From your grammer, it is obvious that you are a learned lady. You would agree that it is not worth dying for such people.
Have you tried to talk to your parents on this? May be, they want to face society! Of course, their first advise would be to resolve problems. But believe me, mom and dad can be very supportive in such situations and our worries are illusions.
Do you have children? If not, good for you. Don't plan on one. If you have, then think of whether they will miss their dad too much.
Your husband needs family counseling. He needs to realize that SIL cannot be intervening often in his life. I suggest you approach some counselors with his or parents help.
If God in your self cannot help you, other Gods cannot. If you are scared to face world, I pity those millions who are not working and are fully dependent on their husbands.
If you want to avoid bad treatment from husband, stay cheerful, happy and dont show sadness on your face. While answering, keep cool tone and answer logically, without scare. First few times, he will continue to be aggressive and will change behaviour. Tell him that you don't appreciate his scolding and beating. But before everything, talk to your parents. You can't visit doesn't mean you cannot do phone call.
I would personally hate to spend life with someone who doesn't love me, beats or demeans me often. And I have right to live!
2005-12-17
#1
Name: Viv Subject: I agree with Virginia gyal, but...
Hello, yes. You should leave him. He doesn't have any respect for you. But, plan your escape very well. Memorize it in your head. Find someone who you can confide in. Squirrel away any penny you can. Open up a separate bank account and save. Think positive. Don't have any babies with him. Do you want your child to see you getting beaten by his/her father? That's not just physical abuse..but mental and emotional abuse as well. He is responsible for hitting you...not your sister-in-law. Pray to God and lean on him for guidance. He will deliver you from the hell you are living. Find a safe haven where you can go to. WOmen's shelter, a trusted friend who is not connected with your husband's family in any way. Do what you must, but leave. Virginiagal is right...think of it as finding yourself, not loosing him. Plus, he's not worth one mite of your time. You deserve much more respect and dignity. Reassure yourself of this.
My net had some problem! Same message got posted multiple times in below reply. No way to erase! Apology.
2005-12-14
#3
Name: sumathi Subject: thanks
Hi viginia gal, thanks for you support. Joint family, thank you very much for your suggestion. I will look for some extracurricular activities or clubs. I hope it will help us. It is a coflict between expectation and reality. I will wait for some more time and try my best for a positive solution. My heartfelt thanks to you all for your support.
2005-12-14
#4
Name: VirginiaGal Subject: Leave Him
Leave him. Some people don't change. Don't have a baby with him! Having a baby will not make things any easier. Leave him. Losing him is not what matters, it is YOU that will be found. Recapture your life, your youth, what's left of your happiness and dignity and leave that lopsided house and don't come back. Pray to God to GUIDE you in your LIFE to the right religion and provide for you and give you better then what you have lost. There is hope. When you kill yourself, there is no hope. The pain does not end. It passes on to your family members. And you suffer in the hereafter. So have hope. Its God's world. God is in charge and more powerful then any human being. Put your faith in God and don't stay one minute with those crazy people.
Are you in the US by any chance? I would not mind chatting with you on the phone.
2005-12-14
#5
Name: VirginiaGal Subject: Leave Him
Leave him. Some people don't change. Don't have a baby with him! Having a baby will not make things any easier. Leave him. Losing him is not what matters, it is YOU that will be found. Recapture your life, your youth, what's left of your happiness and dignity and leave that lopsided house and don't come back. Pray to God to GUIDE you in your LIFE to the right religion and provide for you and give you better then what you have lost. There is hope. When you kill yourself, there is no hope. The pain does not end. It passes on to your family members. And you suffer in the hereafter. So have hope. Its God's world. God is in charge and more powerful then any human being. Put your faith in God and don't stay one minute with those crazy people.
Are you in the US by any chance? I would not mind chatting with you on the phone.
2005-12-12
#6
Name: JointFamily Subject: Think of a solution!
Hey -
From your grammer, it is obvious that you are a learned lady. You would agree that it is not worth dying for such people.
Have you tried to talk to your parents on this? May be, they want to face society! Of course, their first advise would be to resolve problems. But believe me, mom and dad can be very supportive in such situations and our worries are illusions.
Do you have children? If not, good for you. Don't plan on one. If you have, then think of whether they will miss their dad too much.
Your husband needs family counseling. He needs to realize that SIL cannot be intervening often in his life. I suggest you approach some counselors with his or parents help.
If God in your self cannot help you, other Gods cannot. If you are scared to face world, I pity those millions who are not working and are fully dependent on their husbands.
If you want to avoid bad treatment from husband, stay cheerful, happy and dont show sadness on your face. While answering, keep cool tone and answer logically, without scare. First few times, he will continue to be aggressive and will change behaviour. Tell him that you don't appreciate his scolding and beating. But before everything, talk to your parents. You can't visit doesn't mean you cannot do phone call.
I would personally hate to spend life with someone who doesn't love me, beats or demeans me often. And I have right to live!
2005-12-14
#7
Name: JointFamily Subject: Good! Positive.
I don't agree with Virginiagirls advice to immediately leave and chat with her.
Mother's reaction is undertandable. Don't have baby until you are sure to stay, you will be in more problems. You should discuss with your siblings to take their opinion. Once you have done that, discuss with your husband. I am sure once he realises severity of matter, he will suddenly change the behaviour to good. Yeah, you can socialize him. Why not register to some treking club for some week-end picnics? Professional clubs charge fee and seek members.
I have seen that happening in others. There is no need. Once you have discussed with husband, judge the reaction and if need be, pack your bags and stay at mother's place for few days without telling him anything whether it is for few days or forever. Just say I don't know if asked. You know what? This works in near 100% cases. And whenever it doesn't, don't feel ashamed to be back home with husband! That's your house!
Most imp, have confidence in yourself.
2005-12-14
#8
Name: JointFamily Subject: Good! Positive.
I don't agree with Virginiagirls advice to immediately leave and chat with her.
Mother's reaction is undertandable. Don't have baby until you are sure to stay, you will be in more problems. You should discuss with your siblings to take their opinion. Once you have done that, discuss with your husband. I am sure once he realises severity of matter, he will suddenly change the behaviour to good. Yeah, you can socialize him. Why not register to some treking club for some week-end picnics? Professional clubs charge fee and seek members.
I have seen that happening in others. There is no need. Once you have discussed with husband, judge the reaction and if need be, pack your bags and stay at mother's place for few days without telling him anything whether it is for few days or forever. Just say I don't know if asked. You know what? This works in near 100% cases. And whenever it doesn't, don't feel ashamed to be back home with husband! That's your house!
Most imp, have confidence in yourself.
2005-12-14
#9
Name: JointFamily Subject: Good thinking
I don't agree with Virginiagirls advice to immediately leave and chat with her.
Mother's reaction is undertandable. Don't have baby until you are sure to stay, you will be in more problems. You should discuss with your siblings to take their opinion. Once you have done that, discuss with your husband. I am sure once he realises severity of matter, he will suddenly change the behaviour to good. Yeah, you can socialize him. Why not register to some treking club for some week-end picnics? Professional clubs charge fee and seek members.
I have seen that happening in others. There is no need. Once you have discussed with husband, judge the reaction and if need be, pack your bags and stay at mother's place for few days without telling him anything whether it is for few days or forever. Just say I don't know if asked. You know what? This works in near 100% cases. And whenever it doesn't, don't feel ashamed to be back home with husband! That's your house!
2005-12-14
#10
Name: JointFamily Subject: Good thinking!
I don't agree with Virginiagirls advice to immediately leave and chat with her.
Mother's reaction is undertandable. Don't have baby until you are sure to stay, you will be in more problems. You should discuss with your siblings to take their opinion. Once you have done that, discuss with your husband. I am sure once he realises severity of matter, he will suddenly change the behaviour to good. Yeah, you can socialize him. Why not register to some treking club for some week-end picnics? Professional clubs charge fee and seek members.
I have seen that happening in others. There is no need. Once you have discussed with husband, judge the reaction and if need be, pack your bags and stay at mother's place for few days without telling him anything whether it is for few days or forever. Just say I don't know if asked. You know what? This works in near 100% cases. And whenever it doesn't, don't feel ashamed to be back home with husband! That's your house!
Most imp, have confidence in yourself.
2005-12-14
#11
Name: JointFamily Subject: Good thinking
I don't agree with Virginiagirls advice to immediately leave and chat with her.
Mother's reaction is undertandable. Don't have baby until you are sure to stay, you will be in more problems. You should discuss with your siblings to take their opinion. Once you have done that, discuss with your husband. I am sure once he realises severity of matter, he will suddenly change the behaviour to good. Yeah, you can socialize him. Why not register to some treking club for some week-end picnics? Professional clubs charge fee and seek members.
I have seen that happening in others. There is no need. Once you have discussed with husband, judge the reaction and if need be, pack your bags and stay at mother's place for few days without telling him anything whether it is for few days or forever. Just say I don't know if asked. You know what? This works in near 100% cases. And whenever it doesn't, don't feel ashamed to be back home with husband! That's your house!
2005-12-14
#12
Name: JointFamily Subject: Good thinking
I don't agree with Virginiagirls advice to immediately leave and chat with her.
Mother's reaction is undertandable. Don't have baby until you are sure to stay, you will be in more problems. You should discuss with your siblings to take their opinion. Once you have done that, discuss with your husband. I am sure once he realises severity of matter, he will suddenly change the behaviour to good. Yeah, you can socialize him. Why not register to some treking club for some week-end picnics? Professional clubs charge fee and seek members.
I have seen that happening in others. There is no need. Once you have discussed with husband, judge the reaction and if need be, pack your bags and stay at mother's place for few days without telling him anything whether it is for few days or forever. Just say I don't know if asked. You know what? This works in near 100% cases. And whenever it doesn't, don't feel ashamed to be back home with husband! That's your house!
2005-12-14
#13
Name: JointFamily Subject: Good thinking
I don't agree with Virginiagirls advice to immediately leave and chat with her.
Mother's reaction is undertandable. Don't have baby until you are sure to stay, you will be in more problems. You should discuss with your siblings to take their opinion. Once you have done that, discuss with your husband. I am sure once he realises severity of matter, he will suddenly change the behaviour to good. Yeah, you can socialize him. Why not register to some treking club for some week-end picnics? Professional clubs charge fee and seek members.
I have seen that happening in others. There is no need. Once you have discussed with husband, judge the reaction and if need be, pack your bags and stay at mother's place for few days without telling him anything whether it is for few days or forever. Just say I don't know if asked. You know what? This works in near 100% cases. And whenever it doesn't, don't feel ashamed to be back home with husband! That's your house!
Most imp, have confidence in yourself.
2005-12-13
#14
Name: sumathi Subject: i will try this
Hi Joint family
Thanks for your response. I appreciate your intention in helping people.
Sometimes i feel ashamed that i think of suicide, but i am sure i won't do that. My father is no more and my mother is too old. I talked to her about this yesterday and she is really shocked but doesn't want me to go for a divorce. She is asking me to be patient and try. If I take a drastic decision (separation) i am sure my siblings will surely support me. They want to keep quiet till i express myself about that decision. They fear that if they interfere now, that might harm my relationship with my husband. It is also difficult for me to accept the fact that my choice of a husband (although it is an arranged marriage) is not very good.
If i can bring some contacts (friends) and make him to move with them, i am sure he will change. Now he is reluctant to come out of his family cirlce (which is just his mother and sister). I tried to talk about counselling for both of us, he is reluctant about that too.
Personally i like to have a baby. It was his decision to wait for 2 years. My sil knows that, still she dares to talk that there is some problem with me in conceiving. I feel my baby can bring happiness to me and give motivation for me to live. Its love is sufficient for me to ignore everyone else. I am not sure if it will miss its father.
I am really confused. I have to train myself for express myself politely and firmly.
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Apology! Multiple posts
Name: sumathi
thanks
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