Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been married for 6 months. My in-laws organized the wedding in India since I live with my parents in US. When it came time for my parents to pay them for the wedding venue and the catering, they charged my parents twice the original amount. My parents blindly trusted my in-laws and gave them whatever amount they asked for. But my in-laws took advantage of our trust. They did not even buy bridal outfits for me which I was supposed to get from them in my marriage. When I confronted my husband about his family's greedy actions, he and his parents blame my family for everything.He called me selfish and greedy. I used to respect him and his family like my own. But, now I have lost trust in my husband because he lies to defend his family. I'm very sad that my marriage was turned into a business profit by his family. I feel soo unlucky to have been married into a greedy, cheap family. My husband is still in India..waiting for his US spouse visa to be issued. I'm not sure, that I trust him enough to sponser him to the US because after what his family did with us, I'm afraid he can do that with me when he comes here. I feel his family just used me as a step stool to come to the US :( I used to think marriages are made in heaven which are built on a strong foundation of trust but in my case I feel cheated and used. Please help me, am I feeling the wrong way about him? I'm losing sleep over this!!!!Please help me!!!! JointFamily replied. Hey, I am critic supporting joint family, but not when I think in-laws are wrong! If this mail hurts, throw it away!

- Shame-less in-laws.
Think of 5 positive things each about your hubby, FIL and MIL. If you can't think of those quick, you are biased.

a. Organizing marriage.
It is hectic thing to do. When mostly done by bride's side, here it was done by groom's side. Society will say - ladki US wali hai na! I think one should appreciate the help.

b. Payment.
Don't spoil life on petty issues. Many times, there are unaccounted expenses, some cannot be asked directly. All in all, they must have by and large shared equally.

c. Bridal outfits.
This may have been done in response to something that got missed from your parents side. These things happen and are very common in marriages. Best is to forget such things.

d. Confronting hubby.
We cannot redo marriage by making people agree to mistakes, can we? Hubby may unaware of facts. Must have known pains his parents went through, unacknowledged. May think small money matters are replacing respect. Frustrated.

e. Business profit.
They can't earn lakhs on this, can they? No one will spoil son's life on that. Money matters start when grudges remain open.

f. US visa.
Why am I not surprised. If visa was the objective, they would have been very very nice and sweet with you all till he lands in US, may be few months after that! On other hand, can you give up everything and stay with them in India for few years? Not possible?
Ok, one more solution. Get him on short trip first or you go there. Understand the situation and then decide.

Suggestion:
First few years go in brooding on issues like this. It is waste of time. After few years, it will be hubby and your life, others dependent.

Ask your hubby why he feels you are selfish and understand causes of conflict. May be, someone from your side is acting unreasonable and you don't know!
Anj replied. Hi Divya,

You have every right to feel angry and hurt. It seems like they have used you. But you can't expect your hubby to suddenly change his attitude towards his family and side with you since you have been married for only 6 months and live apart. Maybe once he moves to the US he may change and realize what they did was wrong.
Why don't you speak to your parents very openly about this? They may have a suggestion regarding this matter. Think about getting a pre-nup agreement.I know in our Indian culture this may shock people but you should think about yourself and your family.
Don't lose sleep over this as it may not be worth it.
sonu replied. hi divya,

His family might used u for his citizenship there.but u know marriages are always in compromises,adjustment and forgiveness.Its not good u start ur marriage with anger. Anyways i can understand its very hurting when people actually wants materialistic relationship.Atleast they cheated u n ur family. In my case my SIL(hubby's sis) N MIL keeps on cheating my husband money wise.He knows they are cheating still he forgives n tell me to forget.He says they will suffer of their bad karma.Why shud build bad karma n suffer.

i feel he is right in this things.

i will only suggest u to forget whatever happened so far.Sponser ur husband, and give him so much love n effection that he realise his fault of his n his family.nevr insult him n get insulted.Maintain ur dignity dear.

U r wedded wife of his not servant or slave.never give up ur dignity.he is not goin to leave u.n never insult him.

Best of luck in ur life divya
sonu