Relationships  Discussion Forum

we have been married for three and a half years now.i had a baby boy who is just 5months now.my problem is that both me and my husband rarely make love now a days.however he is really interested and feel like doing it almost everyday.but its me who doesnt want to do it.earlier we had an amazing sex life and we have had some very nice moments together. but since the time i became pregnant i have completely lost the want to have sex. we both love each other a lot and have even had 'talks' on this prob many times.but i just dont enjoy it anymore like i used to.i am scared that this difficulty will effect our relation ship to a great extend.my husband is still maintaing his patiance but i am afraid he will loose his 'cool' if i dont behave. please advise if i can do nything about it or i have to seek professional help. i also want to know if this problem is related to my pregnancy and it normally continues for some time after delivery..kindly advice! Kalpana replied. You want to get my advice, then I would suggest you to go for some talk with your husband when he is in a relaxed and happy mood. Dont tell him your problems, so that he feels he is harrassing you, rather put it to him in a manner as if he feels, that he must put a little more effort to make you happy in the act too.

If you cannot straight away talk of it to him, which many women cannot due to shyness even after having baby also, then pass it to him as a romantic card, or a surprise gift with a letter, a special dinner, or desert such as choco-cake, etc with a note of your intensions, or atleast a hint of them.

Let him know, that, you need a through foreplay, before getting to intercourse, because the length of the foreplay would decide your limit of excitement, and your body will get ready for the intercourse. Try to make it prolonged one, and dont put the whole burden on him, do react as much as you can. If he touches your breast, move your fingers in his hair, and shoulders. If he kisses you, suck his lips tight, If he hugs you kiss him on his neck, obviously if neccessary place some soft bites too. Let him hold you from the back side, and kiss your shoulders....., when he does so grab his busts tight, fondle them..... So, go on making the thing interesting for him, so that he does it to you to enjoy himself as well, and at last you will see even you are urginh for the intercourse..... Just advice! replied. Dear Mandy,
Your problem is very common at your stage (around 6 months baby). The causes are various. Firstly there are hormonal changes in the body and secondly taking care of a baby takes its toll on the mother. I mean taking care of a baby is no easy job, it is very demanding both physically and emotionally... I think by the time your husband comes home probably youu are too stressed out and we all know that stess is the biggest enemy of sex, so you don't feel like doing it.
I think you need to relax and if possible take a vacation with your husband. Things will settle down and be back to normal soon. If you are feeling dry inside you could take Vitamin E capsules which would lubricate you from the inside.
All the best!

As far as the rest of the answers are concerned I am truely saddened to know that the ladies are in distress on the issue of sex with their husbands....
I beleive that sex should a pleasurable activity for both the partners. I mean if you don't enjoy it you should at least let your husband know that you didn't enjoy it, so that he can try and improve in some way or the other(both emotionally and physically).....
Faking orgasms or telling your husband that you really enjoyed it only misleads him into beleiving that he is 'great'. I am not suggesting that you go out and revolt, but you should give gentle hints and make an effort to improve the situation, possibly by letting your husband know what you like and how you like it.....
All the best! Archie replied. Dear Mandy,

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I just went through all replies along with your concern.

In my opinion you are victim of hormones and you will get back to sex drive a few weeks after delivering this baby.
It happens that in many women while pregnant sex drive goes down while in some it increases a lot. A few % remain with the same sex drive as before getting pregnant.

However, engaging in to intercourse in pregnancy is determined case by case. By and large over 90% cases are allowed to go ahead sex as long as it's convenient for you both. Soon your husband will realize that there are very limiting positions he can enjoy and he would realize he himself won't get enough pleasure as your tummy will be growing.

It's important that you along with your Dr. should speak to your OB/GYN and know if the intercourse (each day or whatever frequency he wants) is good for your pregnancy. Even if he wants, then also you would want to go for same different positions while pregnant, won't want to hurt things or get in to discomfort. I hope you can try to see him reason or show this message so he can understand.

I believe the bond develops fast for pregnant mother but it should also be the same for expecting dad. He would care more for his developing baby then mere pleasure. YOu won't have to give up sex unless your Dr. wants you to. Still taking it easy is on sex part is best while pregnant.
What month are you in? If you are anywher close to 7th month then soon you will have to reduce activity, sometime prostaglandins from Semen can ripen your cervix and get you contractions.

Talk to your Husband about sexual life during pregnancy. It won't be same like before. I can however confide in the fact that 5-6 weeks after deliver when all pregnancy hormones will go to basal levels you will resume your sex drive and he would enjoy better also.

Hope this is going to be of some help. Do not go for sex because you feel the relation will break. If he loves you and loves his developing baby, he will bear this separation for a while. There are many unlucky couples told the day they know pregnant that should avoid sex till delivery.

Take care and good luck for pregnancy.
Archie Ranirasmi replied. For a common man, it is the best way to release his stress by fucking his wife.
Even if you are not interested due to your hormone changes(I think) let him do once in a day. Your present stage in sex will lead him to alternate options and thus you will be the cause behind it.

Even if you are not interested, let him insert and do push ups and try to co-operate with him. muthu replied. Hey ladies, I just read the reply for this problem. It looks to me that women dont enjoy sexual intercourse, but my wife says that she really enjoys a lot when i release inside her. Though sometimes I doubt her, but what actually is truth i want to know. Dont women enjoy the sexual intercourse? Some may be exceptions, but what is true in general.
thank you for your replies
lata replied. hi,

when you say you enjoyed sex earlier, what do you mean by that?
What sort of sex life did you lead before pregnancy?
Before pregnancy you would let his penis insert in your vagina and now also you have to do the same? where does your resentment come into picture?
do you mean that you would enjoy the penile penetration before and not now?
Then that may be because of vaginal dryiness. Simple solution is to apply some lubricant. KY jelly is a good one.
Sex is a 90% job of a male and he enjoys it when he ejaculates his sperm into womans vagina, otherwise for a female what more is sex than kissing and feeling the touch of his body.
Probably it is your emotional block. Correct me If i am wrong?

I have been enjoying sex since last 6 years of my marriage. I am mother of two kids now. My husband enters me almost daily even now. I use jelly regularly.