Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi friends,

i new to this site n really need friend's shoulders to lean in . a slight introduction from my side.m married to my childhood darling from 4 yrs. marriage annoucement was horrible from both the side which lead to seperation of ours for 2 yrs.after 2 yrs by hook n crook we got married.my parents accepted us from the day we got married but from my husband side nobody accepted till next 2 yrs.we got settled in differnt country so wasnt problem.it took time to get settle from his side.

now after 4 yrs of our marriage my brother in law means my husband bro also got married without annoucing anything n brought his bride home and my MIL accepted her as she is.n she wanted to have a grand reception of it and wanted us to attend it also.

we are so upset that how come a mother be so partial to her sons.my husband is such a good son.only our marriage is the only thing he did opposite of them or else he listen to each n everything of them.despite of this his younger bro is black sheep of his family then also his family is behaving so nicely n cooly with him.the new bride is also from a bad uncultered family still everything is ok for them.

i m wondering how come a mother think good for 1 n bad for other son.we had never done false in our whole life but after hearing such things in our life ,life goes so in misery.

My husband is having a such a heartbreak i can really cant see it.he is a perfect son,husband and father.but still he is not getting enough or good status in his family.mean while in my family inspite of ours love marriage my dad take or ask his suggestion in big occasion as good soninlaw.

i dont know y such things happen to good people n how come such people dont have hearts.

sorry if i make u feel bore but i was really feeling too bad n was feeling to talk to someone .

sonu JointFamily replied. Hi, everyone has given some friendly advise. Here is some techy analysis! Don't feel bad, you are a good person. I may sound partial but I am being honest in my thoughts.

a. You need someone's shoulder to lean.
Are you trying to get some sympathy? Come on, you are already strong person.

b. His parents did not accept for 2 years.
Their heart is broken that such a good son that they brought up went against their wishes. Bridge is broken. Only way is you both stop thinking negative about them.

c. BIL reception.
Parents fulfilling unfulfilled desire through other son. MIL wanting you to attend to \";show-off\"; as natural human jealousy. Why worry of materialistic pleasures?

d. Your hubby only opposed for marriage.
It is ultimate dream shattered for parents. Most parents think marraige is a point where son changes his attitude or behaviour towards them. So previous good work is not valued much.

e. BIL black sheep, new bride uncultured.
No comments. You are accusing without much facts, I believe.

f. MIL partial.
If you get teased, people tease you. When she behaves like this, it must be reflecting on your face! So she enjoys doing that.

g. Hubby's status.
Dad/mum must be going through heartburn everyday. They won't forgive him easily. It is FIL's duty to respect good SIL. So no credit.

h. Unknowns.
We reflect on things unknowingly when we behave. Those don't go unnoticed though. Some pains are hard to forget and forgive. But can be heeled with respect and positive thinking.

i. Suggestion.
Stop thinking and expecting normal treatment from FIL and MIL. Don't even keep heart burn and pain in your souls. Become polite in tone. Be firm to state what you like what you don't.
Start respecting your relatives. God forbid, if something wrong happens to you or your kids, believe me, your parents and his parents will be the first one to feel the pain in the whole world. BIL and SIL will come running with help.
shaily replied. Hello sonu,
I completely understand how you are feeling. My situation is not the same as you.. but in our case my co-sis is not working and so she bad mouths about me to my MIL to the extent that my MIL has started thinking that all working girls are hopeless.. She even treated my child very badly because of which we had to move out and now we are the bad people.. my BIL is in a govt service and has not even completed his graduation and me and my husband are s/w engrs.. so you can well understand the pressure on usto support their family and in return hear bad things about us..
But, now we live separately and i dont give a damn about what they think about me and how my MIL treats my co-sis and all... because it is very hard to change the thinking with which these people have been brought up and it will only cause us pain.. although i know that whenever you remember those things youcant help but feel sooooo bad. i hope it makes you feel better to know that you are not alone in such a situation..
take care replied. Hey how is ur mil treating u people now. Maybe in the beginning she could not accept the marriage. but by this time she would have changed. And thats why she wants to accept her second dil. Go and enjoy the reception. Be diplomatic. Anyways u people don't stay with them right. So make the new bride feel at home. By seeing ur good nature ur mil might feel ashamed of not accepting u people in the beginning. Just give a try. If she still does not accept, then fine, just come back. Thats all. A Lady replied. Where are you at? If you live in America, maybe we can talk on the phone and be friends. My story is similar but not the same like yours. We also got married without his family's approval but my family accepted us 100%. His family is not the same with us and we have been together for a long time. I worry about his brother marrying too and know his mother will treat his wife so differently. It hasn't happened yet but I don't want to be a part of it even when it happens. It hurts too much because we had no reception. It hurts but can we do? Just accept it. Too bad it makes our life miserable though.

If you want to be phone friends let me know. I live in the USA. Where are you?
leaf replied. hi sonu,
this is a golden chance for u. see, most indian men cannot seem to find faults with their parents, and even if they r given proof, then they r very reluctant to accept that their parents r bad. so even if their wife (DIL) is sufferring, they will do nothing to break the relation or separate.

now in ur case, ur husband is right now feeling bad because of his mom/s behaviour. what u must do is instead of telling him not to feel bad, tell him it is very bad and all. ie. put more poison in his head. but do it very diplomatically. ie he should not feel that u r purposely poisoning him. say things like 'what wrong have we done? why is god punishing us this way?' and 'afterall we cannot do anything. if it is in our kismat to not get accepted by the family then what can we do?'. or say that 'because of me, ur mother has drifted fom u'

and dont eat for some days (just act, u can eat when he's not there)so he should feel that u r feeling very bad and neglected and all.

this is thr right time to kulhadi maro. he must feel that only u love him. and so u will not have probs later on in life like when u ask for his support and he supports his mom instead!! kruti replied. may be the first episode of ur marriage put some sens in them. fearing they might also go awya and setlle somewhere she agreed immly.