Relationships  Discussion Forum

Ladies,
I am a guy who is currently in serious pain, not physically but mentally.
I am about 33, I love my family, I love my mom, and I love my wife and I love my son.
I have been married for over 4 yrs. now. Have the best son. I could not have asked for a better son. He is just over 2 yrs. I love him to death and I am sure he cannot live without me. I have the best family one can ever wish for. My wife loves both of us. We are having our second one soon. She takes very good care of me (especially when she is in a good mood). She loves my son too.
I am sure you must be thinking, \";where is the problem then?\";. I am coming to that. My wife loves me a lot, and I strongly believe she is probably the best wife I could have got, AS LONG AS IT IS ONLY THE THREE OF US. The moment, a fourth person is even remotely involved in any thing, my world turns up-side-down. And I truly am serious about this.
I am a fun loving guy with a good number of friends. I have had my share of relationships. I am used to women being around me or I being around women (please do not think I am a moron, you will know why I am saying all this, in just a lil bit). I have had some very pretty women for girlfriends.
But since I got married, from day one, my whole hearted intentions were to settle down in life. Make a family and get responsible and grow up.
I worked in the US, got married in India and brought my wife with me to the US just after two months of my marriage. It was a settled marriage. Met my wife through a matrimonial, a week from then got engaged and a month from then got married.
Once she came to the US with me, first shock of my life was, she started complaining about my mother. She even said that my family had some guy call her house and ask for her and all that. We had our discussions and our fights finally I told her that until I see these things with my own eyes will not believe her. But at the same time, I will confront any of my family members if any such event occurs.
The next thing was, she had a problem with one of my friends wife. This friend happens to be my eldest brothers classmate from school, I used to visit his place in the US and his wife used to cook food for me like my family. I explained she did not listen to me. Finally on my mom's suggestion, I stopped meeting them. My mom said, she is your wife and you have to change things if she does not like'em.
Then she had a problem with yet another friends wife. Fortunately i left the town and moved to a different one.
As long as it was me and her, my life was beautiful. She has problems if a girl sees me and says HI. Now it could be a very pretty girl in her teens or twenties or fourties or sixties or it could even be the ugliest of all. She still complaints that I love to get their attention. I try to speak to girls. She started having problems with a grocery storekeeper, with my sons doctors, with my other friends wives.
I finally made a call and moved back to India. Now, she is also talking about my mom misbehaving with me. She says that we move too closely for her comfort. She talks as if I am having a relationship with a girl. Though I appear to be a 21st century guy. I still have very very strong values, morals and ethics. Someone talking about my mom like this is something I am not able to digest. AND THAT SOMEONE IS MY WIFE FOR GODS SAKES. I am so hurt. I cannot even imagine, what my son thinks when he sees us arguing. I don't want my son to grow up in a family where parents argue or fight in front of kids. Where the husband beats his wife or wife beats her husband. I die a thousand deaths everytime I see my sons sad face when we argue. Now we are expecting our second child. I was praying for a beautiful daughter for myself. Now I am praying to god that if I have to have a second child let it be a son. I will not be able to control my emotions if she starts talking like this about me and my daughter.
I am so lost right now, I cannot work, cannot think straight on how to resolve this problem of mine. i cannot live without my son. And I cannot let my son grow without a mother (I know how invaluable a mother is to a son). I cannot let my family break. I cannot let my son or my kids grow up in an environment like my family. I cannot live like this, I don't want my kids not to have a father. I want to be there when they grow up. When they get good marks when they need their father. GOD, what do I do???

I will see a god in anyone who can help me straighten my family, save my kids and my wife.

One last thing....

Ladies, mothers, sisters, friends, I sincerely pray to all of you, please believe that there are other people in this world who have equal morals or self respect like you have. Do not hurt your family like this.
e replied. I just want to mention one thing. I am married, in one way my husband is similar to you. My husband will not believe me if I tell him something that any member of his family said or did. He says he will believe it if he sees it for himself, You see the problem is that some memebers of his family behave a certain way with me and a certain way with him. It is very hurting to me when he does this. But his family lies if he asks them. So he never believes me when I tell him that they insulted me or whatever. I do find your wife's behavior regarding other women a little too much. This is the 21 century and men and women can be friends without it be sexual. hint replied. Hi,
I think I can throw some advice on this ,me being a woman , and sometimes I too act in the way ur wife does.

Let me tell u, first of all take things easy. we, women act so strangely sometimes, even I myself get surprised at my own behaviour. Just give her a time. if at all any fight happens, let her take the stride and after everything is over, just look at her and give one of your killing smiles'' to her. Give her all the assurance'' needed, believe me she will realise and will regret her behaviour, then do not insult her, act as if u have not at all cared for what she said and tell her to stop acting like a child. trust me, women need some ''pampering. she is special to u, as the innocent child is inside her.
Last of all , these are all common may be not to this extent, but to some extent, so take it easy. when it comes to other women's issue, tell her that she is the most sexiest of all, or she is the only one u love, or u don't need anyone else other than her. this type of talk will surely smoothe her. Husbands, u need lots of tolerence when dealing with wives. i think these all will help. if u find urself more stressesd, distract ur mind in the things u love the most, some philosophical thinking and reading really does wonders. all the best saheli replied. Hi there,
What you wrote is something I went through sometime back. I also felt that my husband and his mom were too cozy with each other. I felt like an outsider when I was there with them. They just ignored me completely. My mother-in-law never got along with her husband and so I can understand that she was looking for the security that you usually get from a husband in her son. It came to a point that when we went out just me and my husband, she use to go upstairs in her bedroom and sulk for hours. Then my husband use to go upstairs and apologize to her. It happened several times. Only thing is I never mentioned this to my husband. It made me sick but could'nt do much. I knew about Oedipus complex and kept wondering if they had that kind of problem. Then I started leaving them alone together. I use to just walk out of the scene. Now things have gotten better. She has realized my place in her son's life. She was insecure and my husband blind in her love and respect for his mom which now I have slowly started accepting. The thing is one of the partners has to show maturity. I showed it and got out of the ugly situations.
Is there anything you are doing or u did that has forced her to think this way? Does'nt she have a brother to realize the relationship between a son and a mother?
U know its really worth it to go for psychological counselling. I took some counselling over the phone and it helped me a lot. Not about this but other issues I have.
Anyway good luck! But just try to be patient with her.

Good Luck!
Saheli Hurt replied. Ok, you mentioned about a lot of things. The sacrifice, family, space, etc., Now, you have a second baby on the way. Why is your wife behaving this way? What is she suffering from or taking medication? Medication, of any kind has side affects. This is women in pregnancy. Sure, I have many women in my life. Unfortunately, I don't know what the emotional issues women face in a relationship. I am singe, but have good women experience. Ok, remember back...when you first met her. The beautiful smile, appearance, and her presence. This among a lot of other things. Why is she so insecure in herself?? Any good relationship is based on a solid foundation. A foundation, of mutual trust and respect. Women, dominate and control their territory. They, also know a lot about each other. So what has changed now. Are there signs of infidelity. Your wife, needs to be HONEST as to what's bothering her. This second child, deserves a loving home. Please, this is your own biological child. The sooner, you guys face the issues, the better. Don't pass negativity to the innocent one!! I hope, this helps. LOL. mala replied. well after reading the whole message i really feel about ur position.i am also a married woman and believe me even i feel very insecured when my hubby talks to a girl or blah blah and i still know he is a very nice person.In your case ur wife is behaving a little too much.i think you should consult a psychiartrist.what i mean to say is every woman has jealousy by birth that noone can deny but ur wife is going through a lot of hell and she is putting you in that hell.I would say that you shpuld immediately consult a doctor before things get even more worse.all the best to you and your wife.one more advise give her some small surprises like flowers or soem small gifts and tell her how much u love her,sit and talk to her by saying how bad u feel to argue with her.keep on trying from ur side expalin her abt your meantal condition after the fights.ask her how would she feel if her daughter in law would say the same things she is telling to her mil,make sure you dont end up in the argument.wish u all the best and take care
Just advice! replied. Hi friend,
I feel I am in a similar situation most of the times, but your problem seems to be far more serious.
I think you should go for professional help as soon as possible. These problems arise because if your wife's insecurities towards losing you. When these insecurities go beyond a certain limit it becomes very difficult to bear. The first step is to try and convince your wife about your problem. Tell her how difficult it is for you to live with her suspicious nature. Tell her just like you have told us without blaming her and without getting angry...
Breaking up the family is not a solution as you rightly said, so you should try every alternative possible. You should consult a psychiatrist as soon as possible, there are medicines for these sort of things....