Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Mani..my situation is similar to you..but i didn't go throw as much as difficulty like you did.In my husbands house also dominated by his mom & sister(that bitch stays at mothers house, sent her husband far to earn).my fil is dominated by his wife & daughter..As you told these bitches(That is the word i want use for them)want to get hold of thier son..and my husband tells me no matter what they say , it is my mistake only..and i have to listen to them..i don't open my mouth these days to keep get the thinks going..i know he sends money to his selfish , greedy sister(who might think of sleeping with him for money, she talks like a prostitute with him for money).and she doesn't want us to have kid so that her income coming from my husband will stop(she is scared that if we will hav kid, my husband will attached to kid & give importance our kid and forget her & her kid)if i talk thier will be big fight & he will treaten me to live him and go away..but also another thing he will takingcare of me nicely..i don't have complain with him other than his family.Every time we go to india, he wants me to stay with him in his house, and his mom & sis will make my life hell..thank god i stay in usa..I don't know which level this people will fall?..they are dangerous than even murderers.atleast this murderers will kill & go away.we are killed by this bitches everyday.my sil that witch is full of jealosy and her every blood cell filled with jealosy.i get real anger even when i think about thier face.Sorry guys if i used bad language, but i don't have anyone to show my anger, so that my frustuation will comeout & my head will be cleared.and i don't know how to live with this family to rest of my life??. ruchika seth replied.

DEAR LADIES, i read thru most of ur msgs. and I have heard all the sad realities of my married friends, my relatives, have exeprienced atrocities myslef in life.

infact, for a long time, i wanted to do something for uplifment of women in our society....i still am thinking how to do it.....need views of ALL the women here...who truly feel that their position in this world is pathetic....

first of all, we all know that \";aurat hi aurat ki dushman hai\";

secondly, we all know that husbands behave differently when they are with their parents or relatives (they can be very nice with you in their absence, but something really goes wrong with them when they are around their parents)

We also know that every girl is happy before marriage, and never after ( yes...i mean it...all of them are unhappy)

In our society, subtle but really strategically smart rules are taught to us right from birth... to turn us into what we are....and hence, easily rule on us (a girl should be a good cook, a good housekeeper, a devoted mother and wife, \";aadmi ke dil ka raasta hai uska pet....a woman should be like a mother to her husband in the day and a prostitute in the night....husband ke hi kushi main aurat ki khushi hai...pati devta hota hai, pati poojniya hai\";.... forgiving and patient hona chahiye...bado se zabaan nahi ladaate....blah...blah)

Wives are actually glorified maids and prostitutes, who take care of the house, be emotional support for husbands, take care of children (we build the society), and give physical pleasure to husbands.

The list is endless....

But have we ever stopped and wondered why is our situation so? Why are there certain \";done things\"; for women, certain roles only for us, certain duties, restrictions, blah blah only for us....its coz we have allowed everyone to take us for granted...our ever-sweet, forgiving and patient nature is the cause.....and the biggest cause is....that we females are not united...we have been brainwashed right from childhood...we and boys are raised differently for a reason....and we never question that?

we just fight our own individual battles, are unnsuccessful...and then....when it comes to torment another woman, we don't remember what we had gone through, we don't support them...but we suddenly transform into the ever so notoriously evil...\";mother in laws\"; and \";sister in laws\";....

my point is....we need to raise woman's social position in our society...our position is really really lowly and pathetic....

who decided that its a woman's job alone to take care of the house, the kids, the meals, the daily chores, the 'bahu' work and traditions?? But we all accept it the as a \";god-given law\";...that's our fault.

all the women, be it the poorest to the richest...are discriminated against..

no wonder...when it is heard that a girl was raped coz she was walking all alone on the streets at night (whatever the time)...or that she was wearing an inviting dress...its said....\";so what else was she expecting??\";...why aren't our sons trained the other way round...why do they think its their right to pounce on a girl since she has broken the \";code\"; ...and we are allowed to be on a junglee prowl....? and rapes don't happen only in the day time....we have raised our sons and daughters wrong....absolutely wrong....by telling themthe same 'dakiyanoosi' society rules etc...unknowinlgy, we are carrying on with the tradition of women sorrows.

ladies...none of us are safe...that includes the daughters you'll give birth to...they too would have to bear the same atrocities like us and like the past women generations....if we don't act

remember....women are the ones who make a society... if you look carefully, you'll know its a fact.....(we give birth, we take care of the child, we impart first social virtues and values to our children, they learn from us first, and the from the rest of the world)... don't you think that unknowingly, we impart wrong knowledge to our sons and daughters by teaching the stupid society rules and certain stupid indian culture...roles of a man and a woman???

we have to stay united and we fight for our right of equality (pls...right of equality doesn't mean equal jobs, equal pay, women-reservations...its al bullshit....we need to see the real problem)....i'm talking about social equality...and by the way...our shastras, upnishads, vedas and epics...all have depicted the role of a woman in a shameless way...no wonder, in early imes a woman was not allowed to study upnishads, vedas etc....GO THROUGH WHAT's WRITTEN ABOUT WOMEN IN OUR SHASTRAS at http://www.hinduism.co.za/women.htm. Know where we stand in our glorious indian culture and society.... please... change all this.... if you respect yourself even a single bit....this is the indian heritage we are preserving and feeding our children with...and acting on it thinking....this is how a true indian woma should behave...ladis read it...and kow how respected are we in the indian culture

aren't we at fault when we don't question our parents when they allow one thing for the son and disallow the same for the daughter? Aren't we at fault when we allow our parents to give gifts-dowry at our weddings? Aren't we at fault when we let our parents perform the insane traditions of giving gifts etc at each and every occassion to ladka wallas? Arent't we at fault when we think its the done thing for the ladki walas to bear the wedding expenses (greeting the barat and dinner etc)...why? isn't it their son's marriage too? How can we allow our parents to think....nahi nahi...hum ladki waale hai, we can't to do this or that, we can't stay for long at the girl's place...and to top it all....we have no right in our family's inheritence...this too adds to the insecurities that women face...and the worst reason is....our forgiving nature...our so called \";bechaargi\"; ....our financial dependence..and our acceptance of our fate.

what i'm trying to say is...that the we need to uproot the real cause of our miseries...bring about a change in us first...become confident...see the real perspective...and fight for our rights...and stay united....AND BRING ABOUT A CHANGE IN THIS SOCIETY

i don't really know how to achieve this...have been thinking a lot...but there's one thing i know...poor follow the rich, low class follows the higher class....if the elite and educated women cannot protect themselves, then our society would not change....we need to change first then slowly, the society would change

but friends...as i said...i feel very agitated that we women go through so much, we have a thankless job profile in this world...and we are treated as maids nad prostitutes...we are just servants to men... (look at the roles defined for us in he society)..look at what you do at the end of the day...what have you been doing so far...have you never felt suffocated? felt its unfair... felt \";what lacks in me...i too am educated...talented...confident...then why should i do all this\";...why isn't it an equal responsibility of the man...why is he allowedto sit and fart in front of the couch while I keep the house clean, take care of the kids and e enjoys outside of the home ans inside too and then has the nerve to demand everything and judge you, if yuo fall short on the basis of a woman's duties? and then when the time comes to leave the in-laws or a tyrant husband...we are looked at with contempt...the society eyes us in dejection and even if our parents support us...we end up making them suffer...so most o us can't opt for either life death....

at the end of it ladies....we all know...that we all are sad....all of us...right froma 5 year old girl to the 70 year old woman...however rich or eductaed she might be....think about the reason....its the rules of society that we have so easily accepted for ourselves....

PLEASE ladies...lets discuss how can we put an end to this madness....what should be done to bring about this change in society... lets do something...lets strat something, we are all educated here, come from good families, have some free time also, are intelligent enough, if we can't then wo can? and who will?

i know it starts from self first....so lets change ourselves first....but we cannot sit at that alone...we need to have concerted effort to uproot it together...and if we don't share our thoughts, ideas and views on this....and act on it and do something worthwhile to this effect...then its only a proof.....that WOMEN ONLY FIGHT THEIR OWN BATTLES...WOMEN CANNOT BE UNITED...AND the age old saying \";AURAT HI AURAT KI DUSHMAN HAI\";.... mani replied. Hello,
I am sorry for all that's happening in ur married life and adding bitterness to urs.Are u having kids? I would advice you to think about ur life...
I am sure you don't want to spend the rest of your life with the same ongoing politics.
Do something, but don't compromise with yourself or this situation...I was also cursing my husband's family while i was with them but it never helped...
You already know my situation....My parents are very helpful and i am lucky that i got all their support. I won't say i am very happy as it hurts that i didn't receive true love from my husband but then I am happy that i don't have to worry any more about husband, his family or anything. I am free to take charge of my life and lead it my own way....
Fight for your rights without shouting or saying it openly!Just act don't react to anybody. They should not know what ur plans.
Never follow his mother or sister's instructions. Refuse them politely straightforward. And tell ur husband clearly that you will not follow anybody else except him...that ur not married to his family. and they can look after themselves.Just ignore them as if they don't exit. Don't give any reply untill its very important or very much hurting and u can simply say 'I don't want to talk to u guys'.....

Make an aim in ur life. Start fulfilling your goals and let nobody come in ur way. Try to lead ur life ur own way.Give clearifications only to ur husband and refuse everybody else.
Start asking about his expenditure and make it a routine.Start spending money on ur house,ur dresses his clothes and ask him to save money for some future purpose. If he refuses to answere you
then you tell him that this is ur right.
If he can't give u your right then he can't expect it either.
Start doing what he does and u don't like. Give him also the same feeling he gives u by just copying his acts. you get close to some family member or a friend act the same way he does with his family.
Let him come to u complaining, and then u can make him realise that ur were also hurt the same way.Crying for justice infront of anybody never helps. They only realise when they have to bear it by themselves.
best of luck.
mani.

Make more friends. Cook only for two (u and husband). Give those bitches the same feeling they give you...
Hold ur husbands hand or joke with him or show closeness specially infront of them.
Never leave house.Only in case of physical abuse, even in that case call cops and a women organisation. Get the contact number of 'Narika' near your place.
I know ur thinking that this might spoil the relations, but let me tell u
that ur not happy now and ur siuation is only going to detoriate.