Relationships  Discussion Forum

My problem is my husband’s family. He belongs to a lower caste, no education, and low financial background family. Something I did not know off till very late.

1) His family esp. mother , brother, sister are very very greedy. Whatever my parents can give was snatched & subtly demanded.

2) His BIL & B actually had guts to sit in my moms house & talk very high & mighty with her………….I mean my mom is not a small person. These are too petty people…such people can’t dare enter my house & even speak to the position my mother is at………..

3) Then his mother is another pain…..all she knows how to do is cook & clean the house & yes produce children……………..& of course she expects the same from me……………….expects me to do all that orthodox crap of their family………she even had the guts to interfere & suggest otherwise with the customs of my family during the marriage……………chooda & all………she never ever bothers to ask if I like something or not. shes one clever bitch..she talks.infact sweet talks my H .pata nahin arti ko acha lagega ki nahin types……..& H falls for it everytime……………..

4) His mad B: grumbled to no end .bastard has never been to a 5 star but satys we want three rooms………….cars..(they only have a scooter)…….& calls up my mom at 3.00 am ( 7 times) to arrange for milk for his daughter. he’s an absoluter idiot ……………

5) They took cash, gold .saris, suits………..much much more than what they can ever have……………………or gave me……………still his S found complaints …..Color not good, safari suit de diya, my make up was not good…………………………..

6) The greedy S : when I went for 1st time to her house I was not supposed to take anything still I took much more than the greedy bitch deserves…………..& not even a Thanks. Quickly she kept everything inside…………….

My mother had to first of all face the humiliation to be linked with the people of this standard. she cant stand them at all………………………..but because of me has tolerated so much………………..its all my fault…ive never done anything for her…………ive only taken from her….& my marriage took way her pride & yes money too…………….i really hate myself……………
i have turned very bitter .

both m e& ny husband are engg. please advise me on how to deal with this prob.......& retain my sanity................
My H thinks they are the simplest people on earth,,,,but I feel otherwise….im sure my marriage will break up sooner than later,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,& one big reason will be H’s defense for them…..& his demands from me for them……………………..
IndianWoman replied. Being so hard on yourself. It happens in fact I think most of the in laws are greedy no matter what. They feel they have a right to demand everything from the girl. First if you are not on a job get yourself a job this will keep you busy most of the time and away from troubles at home. Secondly stop giving gifts to your in laws no matter how much they demand. Just tell them that if something is returned then it makes sense otherwise ur status will be commented at my homeplace coz they want to know when my mom gives so much what i got in return. And explain to ur hubby everytime u give them a gift that nothing was returned!!! Slowly he will realize that only one side is doing all the giving the other side is just doing the taking! Husbands take time to actually understand that their family is different to them and different to the bahus. But he will surely come around one day! So dont worry hang in there and be patient! sonal replied. hi aarti i really do understand what you are going through.i also understand why you are so angry and have used bad language against them.most of the times that is all we can do against greedy and selfish in-laws.
i am in a similar situation myself and the forst 2 yrs of my marriage have been hard.but after i realized that not much can be done and i cannot change them or make my hubby understand and see their true selves i started to accept the situation.i have just royally ignored all my in laws. they do not deserve anything from me. i call them very less and when i do i talk very less.
it helps that i am abroad.where do you live? are you in india?
ok take care,bye now,do reply
sonal abc replied. if u are of a higher caste and position and he is not, why did u agree to marry him? aarti replied. im really sorry about all the expletives used.in my previous mail..............actually i was very angry when i wrote all that out..........................

i was going thru other mails in the forum...........& realized that mayb im bieng too hard on myself........i shud probably overlook certain things....but u know im a very quick person....i.e. quick to judge, quick to conclude & quick to react....mayb ill change...............

anyways im really sorry to have posted a bad language mail in this very polished & behaved forum...........