Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi, I am married for an year. My husband is basically a good person but he gets terribly angry for small things and he speaks very harsh words. I am really feeling depressed because of this.

My family is a close knit family and i enjoyed attention and love so much before marriage, though not much of money or other comforts.

My husbands family is also a middle class family. All i expected out of my marriage is love and peace. I am an educated woman, and i am earning as much as my husband does. We still need to work more towards our financial stability, so i can understand any restrictions on my expenditures. I never interfered with the money he is spending for his parents and siblings. I have never demanded equal attention for my family because everyone is already well settled in my family. What i cannot understand is the shortage for love!

In the beginning of my marriage, my husband used to suspect me, like, if i am talking ill of their family to others or when i used some compassionate words did i really mean them and things like that. I was totally shocked to hear these, since my family was not so mean minded to even think of doing such things. He gets upset for every single comment or joke i make, but when he gets angry he thrashes me out with thousand words. I observed that his entire family has the same attitude, of suspecting my good intentions and their longevity.


Later he started realizing his mistakes and told me that his behaviour was due to bad advices that he received from others. He wanted to be over cautious that his wife is not taking a ride over him or his family.

My husband says now that he has realized his mistakes, i have to be patient so that he can change himself for the better.

The problem is I am unable to bear the bitterness now. When i am not feeling well, i need some consoling words if not some help. The fact that i have to wait to win his trust and love, which is taking a long time, is killing me. I am not able to love my husband. He can feel that and he gets more angry and isolated. He is not ready to go for a counselling or for even allowing me to see a counsellor for myself.

I know that if i can pass this phase, and start loving my husband he will love me soon. Whenever he gets angry all the past incidences flash in my memory and i am unable to get rid of them. Please somebody help me. sumathi replied. Hi Q
Thanks for your advice. I am in fact, longing for a vacation away from him. I am longing for my mothers lap. Though it may sound childish this is the truth.

He is not allowing me to do that. According to him it is bad on my part to think about going on my own, even for grocery shopping. I too agree with him, that should not be the case with loving couples. When there is no love then what else can make me think like that.

At present my only refuge is my working place, my job. I have to do all the household works even if i am sick. But i will never skip visiting my office which is the only place that gives me the hope for a better future, and keeps me going now.

I cannot think of anything more except this. Thats why my days roll down in self pity. Since you are telling the situation improved in your case, i too can hope for that... Q replied. Been there suffered that.

I know hoe you feel, i think in a marraige the emotions are a-flood with both partners not knowing how to handle them.

By experience i will tell you, no words of sympathy can erase the bad moments of the past. Only time and continual love will.

even though I am past that phase and both my husband and i have realised what we mean to each other...some small things trigger off a barrage of bad memories. All i can do is stya away from him for sometime and it usually passes away with a deluge of tears.

Miss him for sometime, take a break go away and then you wll remember the nicer things.

tell him exactly what you told us.

I quote you - Whenever he gets angry all the past incidences flash in my memory and i am unable to get rid of them. Please somebody help me.

And remember to omit \";somebody\"; in the last line. In your relationship, only you can help each other.