I have two kids aged 6 and 2. My hubby is totally a mama's boy. He will do anything she says. He is so scared of her and will obey all her commands as a dog obeys his master and she is a bitch. We have separated for the past two years. What step should I take ?
Pls. help.
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I have two kids aged 6 and 2. My hubby is totally a mama's boy. He will do anything she says. He is so scared of her and will obey all her commands as a dog obeys his master and she is a bitch. We have separated for the past two years. What step should I take ?
Pls. help.
LA replied. What step should you take for what? Seems you already took a step and got seperated.
Either get a divorce because no matter what you can't live with him being like that.
Go to counseling and try to learn how to compromise and deal with the situation.
Or accept it.
What else?
munch replied. Hi meera,
Read ur story but its not a new or different infact it happens with evryone.But ur decision to get separate is not right.by doing so u r not teaching anyone anything but making them win the game.u were the loser and u will b the loser at the end and the main sufferers will b ur childrens.
i would request u dont b a loser ,dont make ur children suffer.and dont make ur hubby or MIL to win.as u told he calls 2 talk 2 ur sons .it means he do cares 4 his son.he loves them still.if he is not taking that step u can pls.now when next time he calls talk 2 him say sorry ,(all those filmi dialogues) and ask him 2 come down atleast for his son .talk and patch up.just think was there something missing in u that he used to search in his motrher.what made u to separate?
before this what u sholud do is talk 2 ur mother in law directly .begin softly but if its not working b bold and tell her clearly what is her intention,why the hell she wanted her son to b married and does she really want her sons to be happy?does she really love her grand sons?u have to talk her and tell her that its ur life she cant play with it.talk it by hook or crook?tell her to keep distance if she really cares 4 his sons happiness.
so pls dont evr go to all those tantriks etc.they r cheaters.noone but only u can solve ur problem.talk to him ,try 2 pls him (like mohini did on vishwamitra),do some acting do something to attract him.make him feel important and ease.sometimes just assure him that u also care 4 ur MIL (acting!)
its very difficult 4 a lady to live alone in this world no matter how bold u r etc.i should not tell like this but ur mother in law is not going to be evr with him.her life is like 2day or 2morrow .she is not going 2 b evrytime with him.
so only u will b there 4 him.he will surely understand ur value then,so u need to b patient.it will b sooner or later.dont spoil ur children's future.they r meddling in between ur wars.
pls patch up once again .so that u can win this game .there is nothing that cant b won by love.
harj replied. I think you have done a brave thing to leave a situation which seems to have no healthy future. Your husband is very unlikely to change. Having two children has not made him realise that his wife should be as important or even more important than his mum. The best you can do is make the best life you can for your children. As for divorce this is something that only you can decide as it is such a final act.
Sympathy replied. Meera, I feel for you. What is going on out there with relationships?? I too almost ended up getting married. This marriage, was going to be me living with my inlaws!! No way, unless I jump the tallest building. No relationship, like Dr. Phil., has said \";don't invest more into a relationship than you can afford to lose.\"; Please, pay attention to your gut feel. This is not anyone's place to offer you a suggestion. One, thing that I do pray for. This prayer, that everyone finds true happiness and peace. NO amount of money can satisfy that. Unfortunately, you are in a catch 22 position. What is the denial that your husband is in?? Of course, there are children in this family. The children, don't deserve this!! I was an adopted child....believe me its not a fun experience. I think, you need to:
1) work out get the aggression out!
2) find mentor's to talk to. Keep everything under wraps. A professional psychologist would do.
3) Volunteer, if you can. This helps you to see the world in a different way.
4) Pay attention to your INNER voice. Go with answer.
I hope this helps. Best of luck to you.
Man replied. Personally, my uncle is no different. When I see, my grandmother and son. It makes me throw up. My grandmother, most women in the community label her as \";Mother Teresa.\"; Anyone, try living with her!! She is nice. Man, oh man what can I say. Yes, you have seperated. Life, requires peace, patience, and forgiveness. Sure, this will not come so easy. Now, that you have maintained your distance. Please, stand your ground (respectfully) well. No one, should be treated ill or of abuse of any kind. I used to be a volunteer. All I heard was of domestic (women) violence abuse. Now, it should labeled abuse of all kinds. I hope this is helping. Hang in there. Find your calling, heart. Turn your negative into a positive. You have no idea the insults, abuse, and ridicule I have had to face in my life. I will pray for you. Bye.
kriti replied. hi meera,
u story is quite similar to that of mine,the only difference is that i m on the verge of seperation.i am not able to decide what to do whether i should leave my husband or not because i feel my mil will be happy if i do so and i dont want to make her happy.i want to teach her a lesson but dont know how to do it as my husband only listens to her.i have met several gurus like aasaramji and others who have told me that they will solve my problem n pray for me that my husband listens to me.u wont believe, i was once so much frustrated that i went to a tantrik also, he told me that he will give me something to give it to my husband something called 'mohini' or 'vashikaran'...but i didnt dare to give it to my husband...
i dont know whether these things effect or not...
kriti
Passing Guest Girl replied. Meera!
Ignore that mean person's response. God knows the secrets of their hearts and the shadow of all that malice expressed in that negative posting. Obviously that person has got a deeper inner issue to deal with.
It was still wrong of them to say when ur asking for help. I mean really what the heck? Some people have filty hearts. That was mean as heck what that one person said to you. Man its so easy to slap someone in the face when its not you or your sister or daughter in that position. Some people can be so cruel and insenstive.
But there are good people out there too. People like you who are trying to make a better life for yourself and your children admist all the imperfections and cold hard realities of this world.
Meera, whoever you are, wherever you are, pray to your Creator who created you and created your husband to sincerly guide you out of your mess and to set all of your affiars in order. Your one and only Creator knows the matter of the entire universe and gave you intelegence, a mind, a heart,when you had nothing once, and he can surely help you. Pray, pray pray to God to hear you out and set everything right again.
I honestly, truly, deeply think you should have divorced him a long time ago. He is not, and never will be the kind of man you want him to be, nor be the kind of devoted family man that your kids really need.
Just the fact that he blindly obeys his mother is sickening enough. Anyone that BLINDLY obeys anyone without investigating or searching for the truth and yields BLIND unyiedling obedience to their desires, or society, or even their parents ignoring the morality of the situation, the good and the bad, without putting God's pleasure at the summit and doing what would be the right and best thing to do that God would be happy with him/her doing, is truly ignorant.
Meera, seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave, and don't give up on your life. There is a way out. Don't him nor his mother nor anyone in your way of happiness win over and get the best of you.
Losing him won't matter. It will be YOU that will be found.
Take Care.
Passing Guest Girl
gannesh replied. Meera,
from your problem my sincere suggestion to you is that you take a last n final call with him and discuss it out.but still things remain unchanged then as youi are working which means u r already a self made person.so forget the past and start a new life.may be you can find some suitable friend to share your feelings when in jow/sorrow who can understand you very well.
all the best
Meera replied. yes i have separated from my inlaws as well as from my hubby. He works abroad but he keeps calling my kids and does'nt talk to me. It's since two years now. he is a merry making person and highly dependent on his parents. we don't have our own house. I had explained to him that we need to have a house and we should save money for children's future but he does'nt understand. He is just following his mother's commands. Whatever money he earns he just squanders it on his drink and parties. He is a chain smoker and drinks everyday. I had joined him abroad but his because of his attitude I had to come down. We both used to work but he never helped me in household chores. He used to come home, have three to four pegs of drink and watch TV till late night. I got pregnant and had lot of nausea, vomiting. Inspite of seeing my condition, he used to tell me to make tea for him. I should call him a sadist. I am working right now supporting two kids. my brothers help me. Should I go for a divorce ?
jkl replied. hi meera, you girls are just sick, as soon as you enter into married life you start your conspiracies in the family, nagging and instigating your husbands. I am sure it is because of your attitude that you are separated. It looks from the language you have used, that you dont have any respect for your husband or his parents. you are better divorced and you shouldnt have married. Dont expect any sympathies from this group.
bye
gori replied. Hi
i'm agree with mdh. u should write more about u and your situation.
gori
mdh replied. hi meera
please write us in little details. so that we can understand and can give u a better advise.are u separated from ur inlaws?
bye for now
2005-03-10
#1
Name: LA Subject: re:
What step should you take for what? Seems you already took a step and got seperated.
Either get a divorce because no matter what you can't live with him being like that.
Go to counseling and try to learn how to compromise and deal with the situation.
Or accept it.
What else?
2004-11-30
#2
Name: munch Subject: b bold
Hi meera,
Read ur story but its not a new or different infact it happens with evryone.But ur decision to get separate is not right.by doing so u r not teaching anyone anything but making them win the game.u were the loser and u will b the loser at the end and the main sufferers will b ur childrens.
i would request u dont b a loser ,dont make ur children suffer.and dont make ur hubby or MIL to win.as u told he calls 2 talk 2 ur sons .it means he do cares 4 his son.he loves them still.if he is not taking that step u can pls.now when next time he calls talk 2 him say sorry ,(all those filmi dialogues) and ask him 2 come down atleast for his son .talk and patch up.just think was there something missing in u that he used to search in his motrher.what made u to separate?
before this what u sholud do is talk 2 ur mother in law directly .begin softly but if its not working b bold and tell her clearly what is her intention,why the hell she wanted her son to b married and does she really want her sons to be happy?does she really love her grand sons?u have to talk her and tell her that its ur life she cant play with it.talk it by hook or crook?tell her to keep distance if she really cares 4 his sons happiness.
so pls dont evr go to all those tantriks etc.they r cheaters.noone but only u can solve ur problem.talk to him ,try 2 pls him (like mohini did on vishwamitra),do some acting do something to attract him.make him feel important and ease.sometimes just assure him that u also care 4 ur MIL (acting!)
its very difficult 4 a lady to live alone in this world no matter how bold u r etc.i should not tell like this but ur mother in law is not going to be evr with him.her life is like 2day or 2morrow .she is not going 2 b evrytime with him.
so only u will b there 4 him.he will surely understand ur value then,so u need to b patient.it will b sooner or later.dont spoil ur children's future.they r meddling in between ur wars.
pls patch up once again .so that u can win this game .there is nothing that cant b won by love.
2004-09-03
#3
Name: harj Subject: leopard never changes its spots
I think you have done a brave thing to leave a situation which seems to have no healthy future. Your husband is very unlikely to change. Having two children has not made him realise that his wife should be as important or even more important than his mum. The best you can do is make the best life you can for your children. As for divorce this is something that only you can decide as it is such a final act.
2004-08-14
#4
Name: Sympathy Subject: Meera
Meera, I feel for you. What is going on out there with relationships?? I too almost ended up getting married. This marriage, was going to be me living with my inlaws!! No way, unless I jump the tallest building. No relationship, like Dr. Phil., has said \";don't invest more into a relationship than you can afford to lose.\"; Please, pay attention to your gut feel. This is not anyone's place to offer you a suggestion. One, thing that I do pray for. This prayer, that everyone finds true happiness and peace. NO amount of money can satisfy that. Unfortunately, you are in a catch 22 position. What is the denial that your husband is in?? Of course, there are children in this family. The children, don't deserve this!! I was an adopted child....believe me its not a fun experience. I think, you need to:
1) work out get the aggression out!
2) find mentor's to talk to. Keep everything under wraps. A professional psychologist would do.
3) Volunteer, if you can. This helps you to see the world in a different way.
4) Pay attention to your INNER voice. Go with answer.
I hope this helps. Best of luck to you.
2004-08-03
#5
Name: Man Subject: Coward Husband
Personally, my uncle is no different. When I see, my grandmother and son. It makes me throw up. My grandmother, most women in the community label her as \";Mother Teresa.\"; Anyone, try living with her!! She is nice. Man, oh man what can I say. Yes, you have seperated. Life, requires peace, patience, and forgiveness. Sure, this will not come so easy. Now, that you have maintained your distance. Please, stand your ground (respectfully) well. No one, should be treated ill or of abuse of any kind. I used to be a volunteer. All I heard was of domestic (women) violence abuse. Now, it should labeled abuse of all kinds. I hope this is helping. Hang in there. Find your calling, heart. Turn your negative into a positive. You have no idea the insults, abuse, and ridicule I have had to face in my life. I will pray for you. Bye.
2004-06-30
#6
Name: kriti Subject: hi
hi meera,
u story is quite similar to that of mine,the only difference is that i m on the verge of seperation.i am not able to decide what to do whether i should leave my husband or not because i feel my mil will be happy if i do so and i dont want to make her happy.i want to teach her a lesson but dont know how to do it as my husband only listens to her.i have met several gurus like aasaramji and others who have told me that they will solve my problem n pray for me that my husband listens to me.u wont believe, i was once so much frustrated that i went to a tantrik also, he told me that he will give me something to give it to my husband something called 'mohini' or 'vashikaran'...but i didnt dare to give it to my husband...
i dont know whether these things effect or not...
kriti
2004-08-19
#7
Name: suman Subject: hang in there
buy a mantra book from a good pandit and chant the appropriate matra everyday 108 times according to instructions. it will help you.
or go to a good reliable pandit and take help. best one is pt Shrimali. there are others also who can help. not the local ones but the more professional ones. u can even check on internet.
2004-06-20
#8
Name: Passing Guest Girl Subject: Meera leave him
Meera!
Ignore that mean person's response. God knows the secrets of their hearts and the shadow of all that malice expressed in that negative posting. Obviously that person has got a deeper inner issue to deal with.
It was still wrong of them to say when ur asking for help. I mean really what the heck? Some people have filty hearts. That was mean as heck what that one person said to you. Man its so easy to slap someone in the face when its not you or your sister or daughter in that position. Some people can be so cruel and insenstive.
But there are good people out there too. People like you who are trying to make a better life for yourself and your children admist all the imperfections and cold hard realities of this world.
Meera, whoever you are, wherever you are, pray to your Creator who created you and created your husband to sincerly guide you out of your mess and to set all of your affiars in order. Your one and only Creator knows the matter of the entire universe and gave you intelegence, a mind, a heart,when you had nothing once, and he can surely help you. Pray, pray pray to God to hear you out and set everything right again.
I honestly, truly, deeply think you should have divorced him a long time ago. He is not, and never will be the kind of man you want him to be, nor be the kind of devoted family man that your kids really need.
Just the fact that he blindly obeys his mother is sickening enough. Anyone that BLINDLY obeys anyone without investigating or searching for the truth and yields BLIND unyiedling obedience to their desires, or society, or even their parents ignoring the morality of the situation, the good and the bad, without putting God's pleasure at the summit and doing what would be the right and best thing to do that God would be happy with him/her doing, is truly ignorant.
Meera, seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave, and don't give up on your life. There is a way out. Don't him nor his mother nor anyone in your way of happiness win over and get the best of you.
Losing him won't matter. It will be YOU that will be found.
You're welcome!! I will pray for God to guide you. Have faith and hang in there. Take good care of your children and know one day their upbringing will benefit you as they are a long term investment into the future. And know that God never burdens a person beyond their scope, and that with every struggle comes relief.
Take Care
2004-06-21
#10
Name: Meera Subject: Dear Friend
Dear Passing Guest Girl,
Thanks for your moral support. Your words were rather inspiring. As said by you, I have faith in my lord that one day he will give me justice.
Do pray for me.
Thanks
Meera
2004-06-15
#11
Name: gannesh Subject: suggestion
Meera,
from your problem my sincere suggestion to you is that you take a last n final call with him and discuss it out.but still things remain unchanged then as youi are working which means u r already a self made person.so forget the past and start a new life.may be you can find some suitable friend to share your feelings when in jow/sorrow who can understand you very well.
all the best
2004-06-09
#12
Name: Meera Subject: cooooooooooooooooward
yes i have separated from my inlaws as well as from my hubby. He works abroad but he keeps calling my kids and does'nt talk to me. It's since two years now. he is a merry making person and highly dependent on his parents. we don't have our own house. I had explained to him that we need to have a house and we should save money for children's future but he does'nt understand. He is just following his mother's commands. Whatever money he earns he just squanders it on his drink and parties. He is a chain smoker and drinks everyday. I had joined him abroad but his because of his attitude I had to come down. We both used to work but he never helped me in household chores. He used to come home, have three to four pegs of drink and watch TV till late night. I got pregnant and had lot of nausea, vomiting. Inspite of seeing my condition, he used to tell me to make tea for him. I should call him a sadist. I am working right now supporting two kids. my brothers help me. Should I go for a divorce ?
2004-06-09
#13
Name: gori Subject: hi
hi meera
first of all i want to say all the replier please don't pass any comments to any one without knowing full matter.someone can hurt with your comments.so, first try to understand the her way,which she is expecting from you then only give your suggestion.
meera i read your message.as you write you have two kids of age 6 and 2.is your husband always be like that with you as he is now?did you know before marriage he drinks and chain smoke? ever man pretend to be a mom's boy after marriage that's not a big deal.we are also facing the same problem, so just ignore this problem.
do you still feel love in your relation? why he is not talking to you? see meera i think if he is seprated from you from 2 years and not talking to you just doing a little for his kids then there is no hope in this relation? please let me know more about you.
take care
bye now
2004-06-08
#14
Name: jkl Subject: reply
hi meera, you girls are just sick, as soon as you enter into married life you start your conspiracies in the family, nagging and instigating your husbands. I am sure it is because of your attitude that you are separated. It looks from the language you have used, that you dont have any respect for your husband or his parents. you are better divorced and you shouldnt have married. Dont expect any sympathies from this group.
bye
2004-06-09
#15
Name: anu Subject: situation.
Hi jlk..situation made her like that..i agree with meera, everyone's experience is diffrent. frustruation, anger makes the person diffrent.but meera keep in mind you are educated..act like an educated lady.i know it is hard for you not to show your anger.but it is not good for you.take wise decision.i don't know whole story of yours.so i can't give you advice.but follow your heart, take decision in favour of your kids & you.goodluck.
2004-06-09
#16
Name: meera Subject: frustration
Dear jkl,
It is out of sheer frustation and anger that I have used these words. Either you must be unmarried or you must be having a caring and loving husband, that you are saying all these things.
Had you experienced the trauma and tortune meted out to me by my hubby and inlaws, you would not have said all these things.
Anyhow, thank god that you have good a good husband.
2004-06-07
#17
Name: gori Subject: hi
Hi
i'm agree with mdh. u should write more about u and your situation.
gori
2004-06-07
#18
Name: mdh Subject: hi meera
hi meera
please write us in little details. so that we can understand and can give u a better advise.are u separated from ur inlaws?
bye for now
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& Answers to Topic : Coward Husband
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All tips on Relationships
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& Answers to Topic : Coward Husband
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All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
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re:
leopard never changes its spots
Meera
Name: suman
Meera leave him
You're welcome Meera
Dear Friend
suggestion
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