Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hello friends I am a 30 year old woman happily married since the last 10 years & blessed with a 9 year old sweet little daughter.Everything in my life has been going smoothly & having got a very loving & caring hubby makes me feel extremely lucky except for this problem of mine that I want to discuss with U all.I dont know how to start with this.Putting it this way \";Is it unappropriate to make your 9 year old daughter sleep seperately\";.
I think this must have been very clear by now.Yes my problem is the lack of privacy that I face before going off to sleep.This was never the case a few years ago but from the last 1 year or so thing have been very difficult for me.It is because I have realised that my daughter is
growing both mentally & physically.My daughter since her childhood so far has only slept wth us in the same double bed.It becomes really hard while having sex to keep an eye on her all the time to check when she changes her side or wakes up in between to go to the toilet or so.This may sound a bit silly but has been a big trauma for me
since a long time now.I have spoken about this to my hubby a lot of times before who thinks it is wrong to make her sleep seperately before she would be 13 just to fulfill our own pleasures.But there is a reason for me to think otherwise & that is because of the recent change in my daughter that I have been seeing recently through a few instances.This happened just last Sunday when we were preparing to go to my hubby's friends house.I was about to wear my saree when I realised that that my saree's pallu needed a bit of ironing.I so started to iron it & that is when my hubby entered the room searching for the
newspaper.My daughter who was till then just sitting in front of me calmly stood up & started looking at me suspiciously.It was then that I got into a conversation with my hubby.After the ironing was done I stood right in front of my hubby so that I could look at him while talking at the same time could wear the saree.It was then while wearing the saree & talking that I found my daughter in an absolutely amazed state as if she had seen some alien in front of her.I quickly asked her what & she simply nodded her head.The next day she came to me quietly & asked me how I didnt feel any shame while cahnging my saree in front of her father.I had no answer & just stayed mum with a embarassing grin on my face.I would have changed my saree nearly a 1000 times before in front of my hubby & never has she ever asked me such a question.Another incident happened just 2 days ago when my hubby & I were having an intercouse in the night as late as 3 or 4 when my daughter suddenly got up & started to run to the hall shouting loudly.Both me & my husband didnt know what hapened & my hubby quickly grabbed his clothes & ran to her.It was after sometime my hubby came back with her,blushing.When asked what happened he told me she ran ahead thinking it was some earthquake.I was embarassed to death that day.I dont know why but I always fear that I she will definetely catch us
both doing something & that day is going to be the most embarassing day of my life.No matter how much ever we try try there is always a bit of sound hear & there created while having sex.To add to it my hubby has this very bad habit of making that typical suction noise while kissing.I hope U understand this cause he simply refuses to get this in his mind.All efforts to convince my hubby to make my daughter to sleep seperately have been unsucessful & now I feel doing it more could only be a waste of energy.Please suggest me something. LA replied. Um, why are u having sex with a 9 yr old in the same bed anyway?

Personally I think she is old enough to sleep alone but I don't think you can just thrust a new situation on her. You have to make it gradual and help her adjust to sleeping alone. Keep light on, give her something to hold.

Have you asked her whether she would want to be alone. Maybe she would like it and be more confortable. Make sure you involve her in the transition. ARP replied. First & formost pl dont think you are the only 1 having ever faced this kind of problem.This thing is very common in most of the houses.But I frankly think she should be sleeping alone now at the age of 9.At your age ie 30 I guess you still have a very high sex drive & too much to compromise on.Moreover during sex it could be really frustfrating to have an atention on her as well to you since you are the only 1 concerned about this.During an intercourse it could be practically impossible.The sound problem that you mentioned I dont think there would be any couples who can have sex absolutely silent.About the sucton sound may be your husband likes it that way.The reason why I feel she felt like an earthquake or so could be firstly because she has never experienced it before & the sudden shaking of the bed caused your intercourse would have made her beleive so.So pl dont feel embarassed about his & try to forget it as a funny incident.
And yes as for the saree changiong scene since you say she has actually seen you changing saree before your hub even before the reason why I think she thinks so is because of her age when her mind is actually growing to understand the world around her.so talk to her instead of running away from it.Tell her there is nothing wrong in changing her clothesin front of your own hub.The next time make sure both is in the room while you change your clothes.Talk to her when you do so not to keep her mind focussed on these things.Ask her laetr on if she still felt there was anything wrong.No would be the probable answer If yes then I suggest you go for a detailed discussion.Because this is the age when she needs to understand a few things like these.
Try & convince your hub about your embarassement & make her sleep alone.Take this bold step it is simply a must.All he best. Shaan replied. hai,

You should try to convince your hubby to make your dusghter sleep in other room. If ever she notices you having sex, she will have a bad impact on her mind. Even though she will not ask you, but the thought will eat her mind. Please don't put extra burden on her mind, convince your hubby and shift. R replied. Hi Neeta,
I think ur daughter is old enough now and its high time u did something abt ur problem.Tomorrow if she catches u having sex,or she might have already seen it ,u might never know abt it bcoz she might feel shy to discuss it.Or worse, she might get some wrong notions abt the whole thing and get upset.Children sometimes do not confide abt everthing to their parents and so u have to be very careful coz she might be already knowing abt it.Please try to make ur hubby understand this and do something immediately or as \";A\"; has suggested atleast use another room for intercourse coz if u do it in the same room u will hardly notice that ur daughter's eyes r open and she is watching everything!
A replied. Dear Neeta,
I can understand ur problem very well. I too hv a daughter who is 4 yrs old and still sleeps with us. I am slowly moving her to seperate bed in the same room and once she is comfortable, I will move her in seperate room. I guess, 9 yrs is big enough. But it seems u hv tried ur best and are unable to convince ur hubby to put her in another room. In that case, I have just one suggestion, which we do sometimes. You guys can still sleep with her, but for having sex, u can use another bedroom. Evenif she gets up while you are away, it should be fine, she is big enough to take care of herself and it wouldn't be more than a hr or so. That way, atleast you can enjoy without any tensions.
One more things, if ur daughter asks u some questions as the one u hv mensioned, try to give her some acceptable answer rather than just avoiding to answer and feeling embarassed. This will develope a confidence in your daughter about you and in future, god forbid, if she gets in to some situation she will feel comfortable discussing that with u.

Love,
A.