Relationships  Discussion Forum

Iam staying in US.I have one Sister-in-law(My husband's elder brother's wife)whom I hate very much.She visited to us along with her two kids immediately I got married and stayed with us for 20 days.I was totally new to this place(US)and she was here from last 5years.
When she came to my place,she wanted me to cook whole time for her as weel as for her kids and serve them everytime.In short she treated me like a servant.I was just married so I did everything she wanted becos I was afraid if I don't do it then may be my husband will scold me or leave me. At that time I was new for my husband also so even between us we were like living with formalities.
She tortured me during that time so much that I hate her very much and never wants to keep relation with her.I from inside totally feels as if she is dead for me but only in front of my husband I talk to her just to show that Iam fine with her.
I should mention what all she did with me. Firts of all, she wants me to cook whole day.I can do that but she used to go to parks with my husband and tells me to stay at home. Suppose if I go out of my house just to throw garbage, she used to lock the door and used to chat with my husband inside. When in home, she used to go to bedroom and close the door if my husband enters the room and they used to chat. She used to go for grocery with my husband, and tells me to take care of kids.
When my husband comes from office, she enters kitchen and shows as if she was cooking something and I was sleeping.
I hope people who read my message understands my problem.
Now they(husband's elder brother's family) moved to india.
My problem is she is coming again from India to stay with us for 2-3 months.
I don't understand how will I be able to manage now.I have a baby 7 months old.
Can you please help me in suggesting how to behave with her when she will be here. I really need help.
Thanks LA replied. Don't let her push you around. Be aggressive. Bi nice but make sure she knows you will not tolerate her behavior. Push her in the nice indirect way she did to you.


More than anything - why have you or would u let her push you from being near your husband. If she goes in your bedroom and shuts the door to talk to your husband - walk in, its your home, your room, your right. If your husband gets upset, he is an asshole.

I think he wouldn't even say anything and she wouldn't in front of him either.

Good luck, she sounds like a real bitch. I wouldn't take her shit - pls mention how things go. husin replied. My God, how have you put up with this two timing f@#$%^&*g bitch? I am sorry. Honestly, I am glad that I read these boards. It is just horrible what the hell is going on out there. Inlaws, family, friends. Yes, friends sis are better than family. I have paid that price dearly. I am the product of first god damn' cousins. Never, do I believe in this mating. Anyhow, be honest with your husband. Two timers don't belong in your house!! I would rather have pets. How you, people, and women do it. God only knows?? I give you a lot of strength from the last time. Don't settle for less. I would rather be honest, than carry a fassad. I hope that I spelled it right. Believe in yourself. Fight for what is yours. A relationship, in order to be lasting HAS to be real!!

Archie replied. Dear Anjali,

I am totally with \";A\";.

First of all it's very important for you to your husband know how you feel about him and how possessive you are. If he try to explain how not to be possessive give a reason saying you tried but still you are possessive and you would appreciate if he respect for your feelings.

Mention him to speak to her in living room and if in bedroom not to lock the door from inside, be polite while saying this.

Keeping it as a group activities and not following everything forced by your Co-sister will help you sail this boat.

And most importantly stop getting on negative side. Think positive about yourself and your marriage. You can't think of suicide and stressing out. Here you need to act and not to get stressed. Be strong for you and family.

Archie Shaan replied. Hai friend!
I sympathise with your condition. But you need not feel sorry, sick or have suicidal tendency. First & foremost thing you should do is to talk to your hubby in details about the condition. See what is his reaction-is he justifying you or opposing. If justifying he will try to rectify himself. In case he is opposing you have to take the crucial steps. That menas you have to become stubborn and bold. If you find your SIL locking the room, go staright knock the door and sit besides your husband. If she closes the door on your back tell her not to do it. As far in the kitchen tell her that you have a baby and full time you cannot be engaged in the work. Or otherwise prepare whatever you want as per your taset and then take rest, if your SIL wants anyhting extra let her prepare it. BE STRONG, THE POLICY SHOULD BE TIT-FOR-TAT. Don't be afraid. mdh replied. hi
i have also very dominating mil and sil.u need to be stronge in this situation.u are not alone we all are with u.u can email me anytime at mdh_mdh at reduffmaildotcom.
i'll be more then happy if i can help u in this situation.
take care
mdh TM replied. Hi Anjali - I know how you feel because I was in a similar position but the person was not my sil but my mil. Anyhow, my suggestion to you would be to take A's suggestions - which are very good and the following if you really don't want to get stressed out.

If your sil closes the door when your husband enters the room. Give them a couple of minutes and go in and sit down next to your husband. After all the house is yours and the man is yours...you have all the right to enter the room and be part of the conversation.

Since she is coming for such a long time, tell your husband that we should plan a weekend outing for all of us and suggest someplaces.

Don't overburden yourself. If you are making food than fine and well but remember your baby and husband come first. If your baby requires your attention and she tells you to go make food, tell her (nicely) that right now your baby needs you but there is food on the stove or in fridge so please help yourself. You will have to do things like this otherwise she will always overstep the boundaries.

Best of luck A replied. Dear Anjali,
I can understand your problem very well. I know, nobody would tolerate such behavior from a lady towards her hubby. So, first thing, you need to do is talk with your hubby. Tell him politely that you love him and are very possessive about him, so it hurts you when ur co-sister behaves in such a way. Second thing, it all depends on you. You don't let her boss around you. Now that you have a small kid, you can not afford to keep doing things for them and be unhappy, it will affect the kid also. So, when she comes, try to be very casual. Don't hesitate to ask for small helps from her. If she wants to go out, to a park for instance, you can tell her that we all can have a picnic. Make her help you in preparing and packing the stuff for picnic and you can enjoy too. For grocery and stuff, you can take her out. Tell her casually, that its good that she is here, this way it will be helpful for you to manage life with a small kid. Sometimes, you can take time off with your hubby and go for movie or something while she looks after the kid. But don't be mean, give her, her share also. Sometimes, you can volunteer to baby seat her kids while she goes out. But keep it to minimum and try to make things group activities rather than individualistic.
Wish you all the best and let me know how the things work out for u.

A.