Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am married for 2 years (no kids) and next month is our 2nd marriage anniversary.But my husband was never so excited about our marriage. He is a mama's boy.
His mother and 2 two elder sisters treat hime like 2 year old. Mother polishes his shoes and very particular about his diet and everything else.
After marriage she accompanied with us in US to train me. She was very difficult person to live with.She had all restrictions she could and made my life a hell.My husband and me never went out even for two days alone with me.Mil was always accompanying us everywhere.Mil has left her husband also.His sisters also do not have good marriage relations. Everyone is so dominating and overbearing, they interefere in everything we both do.
I am always compared with my Mil and his sisters.
They always try to compete with me.
His sisters are more like his his girlfriends.
He gives me a back seat when his family is around.
I stay at home and both his sisters are working. They don't want me to work as well. And very much double standards in their attitude.They have made my husband dependent on them for all his emotional needs and he has made very clear that
he can't leave his family.
I left my husband and still thinking that what I did was wrong or right? Please help.
My love my husband a lot but its difficult to live with that situation. VA replied. I am thinking of leaving too buts its hard... my dream phase is over... 3.5 years its gone... now I am just getting used to waking up and living in this nightmare everyday like a broken hearted zombie... Dharma replied. Hello Girls,

I feel sad when I read so many discouraged messages. Where is the competitive spirit girls??? Didn't you ever fight for your rights in this male-dominated world while growing up? I mean we experienced discrimation in so many ways in society while growing up. Read books on self empowerment and try all the possible way of winning the war on love and peace.

Change your mind and behaviour. Be like lionesses waiting for the right time for the kill. Until then build your base. Don't give up.C'mon where's the survival spirit in the land of Jhansi Rani and Jijabai ? Let's discuss and share some winning strategies here. Everyday wins no matter how small they are. Like the brief shocked and surprised look in your husband's face when you stick like glue to him, no matter what. Or the frustrated agonizing look in your mil's eyes when she sees your steely cold eyes mocking her when you two are alone.

C'mon let's hear about some fighting spirit. Aand all you girls please read The Art of War by some chinese author. Google it to buy it. Dharma replied. Hi girls,

I am feeling very sad after reading your queries. Ok first of all think like a winner and beleive 100% that you are going to win at this game. I am sorry but it is a game and the sooner you learn the rules, the better chances you have of saving your marriage.
I talk from experience as I did experience kinda things you guys are talking about. Not exactly the same as I put a stop to it. I will try to articulate the whole advice as a plan. As with any battle to win, you have to learn and made modification based on your nature and your situations ok? So here we go

1.Express your love verbally to your husband as if there is no other living person on earth.Do this in private and in public with shy loving glances towards him. Remember he may not reciprocate as he doesn't know what's come over you;)Take it in the spirit of the game.

2. Never argue with him or point out his mistakes in front of his parents. Defend him even if he is wrong. Remember that's what his mom does and wins him over. Do the correction talk in the bedroom. This way you subtely establish a boundary about not discussing each others faults in front of the inlaws.

3. Please don't take this wrong...take some time out regularly for your man. SEX counts big time. This is ONE THING you and ONLY YOU have complete intimacy with your guy. His mom's out of the pic. Get attractive for your man. Make him crave you. You all know how to :)

4. If there is one person FIL or BIL pamper this person next ( after hubby) and get this person in your favour.

5. Keep talks with mil to a minimum. And please be diplomatic. Be sweet in fron of hubby and curt otherwise. Not disrepectful, just curt.

6. Mil and fil are not bed-ridden diseased people. Don't treat them like fragile glass. Let them do stuff on their own. Like I used to ask \"; paani chahiya mama?\"; Big mistake, this is her son's house she'll get it if she wants.

7.Behave like strong minded compassionate person. Don't feel weak. Everytime someone trys to run you down, openly say \"; when you say such things, I feel hurt \"; and then get up and walk away.

8. Please don't try to be a perfect person. Nobody is perfect and you will just be critisized more.

9. If you want to do something private, call hubby from work 15 mins before and say meet me at so and so place. Act mysterious and say it's a surprise for you honey. Get him a small gift, a CD he likes or something. Do this the next day after a night of perfect sex;)

10.If MIL keeps insisting on doing things a certain way that you don't want to , say yes yes and then do it the way you want and offer NO explanations after that.

11. Ignore all unnecessary mingling with the inlaws until they learn to respect you.

12. Be two people for the time being,wholly loving helplessly devoted wife and the strong lioness who will do anything to protect her home from invaders and people who inflict hurt with the nasty inlaws.

Once they get better , treat them better.Do the carrot and stick game with them. Mean comments from them give them the stick that is curt responses no loving things, talks or action. They behave well towarsd you be nice but maintain your distance.

Do this for a minimum of 1 year and by then your tenacity will be extablished in your home.

Please let me know after you try this for a week. I hope you can extablish your respect. Love you guys and wish you the best. roshni replied. I know it is tough......since I have seen first hand my husband's aunt treat her DIL the same way you said. they have been married for more than 5 years.....MIL dictates everything...
couple havent had any \";couple time\";.....no kids so far and MIL has started rumor that DIL is at fault....
can u believe she did not send DIL to india(they live in US) to meet her folks for last 5 years.But the DIL has been working hard on winning over her MIL and has almost succeeded........

There is no gaurantee u will find any better in-laws in future........

try to work it out.....have a baby believe me it changes the hubby a lot.....he will be more loving and caring towards u too..

good luck aditi replied. hi mani
i haveseensame case with one of my freind....why dont u try to make ur hubby yours....after what love he gets from u he cant get it from his sis or ur mil....so try to luv him as muchas possible tell him what a marriage means he mght not know it....u might leave ur hubby but thk of ur future also without him...tell him that ur his wife wifes rspecial....
i tell u my frd had same suitation same two elder sis and mil...but what she did is she stayed with her mum for sometime and finnally hubby realised that he also needs my frd and they got separeted from mil and two sis who no more interfere in their lie and they r settled happily having kids ....dont just leave him try to give him as much as luv as possible so that he cant stay without u....
after all ur his wife u have got that special luv who no one in these world can give u....
all the very best soul replied. i have posted several messages on this website. I have often thought of leaving my husband. He is the only child and a typical mama's boy. No matter how wrong she is, he will always take her side. I have been married just over 2 yrs and I feel our marriage has not even progressed. I think if life is really that unbearable, etc.. it is good that you left. It's better to be happy than being with someone who is not capable of seeing right from wrong. I wish I have the courage like you to walk out. I feel like a vegetable, living a dream.... P replied. Have you talked to your husband and let him know about your feelings? Give him one last chance and even then if the problem persists, just leave him.