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Joint Family:dilemma

2001-12-21

Name: lalitha Hai
I'm married and stays with in-laws. My husband have a elder & a younger brother who are married with two kids each. We used to be happy family for the past years. We have 4 couples in house.

It all happened, when our investment fail. We whole family invested in a business and it floped.

Since then all of us including me are very calculative. We have money to spend just for ourself where normally we used to spend for all.
Now we are trying to reloan our house under my name where agreed by myself & husband.( Meaning i'm buying the house)My elder BIL is shifting out since he said that house is not big enough for his family & he doesn't wish to stay together anymore.

My problem is my younger BIL . He doesn't agree to sell the house to me. Lately there is no happiness in the house as before. Almost all of us talk behind of others including my PIL. I dont like this situation. I guessed my younger BIL will move out too.
My husband don't like to leave alone. He's saying that we women coz of all the mess.

Pls advise must I talk to my BILs to stay back or let them move out. Anyway I guess it's better to stay alone coz the family gets bigger and bigger.

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2001-12-24

Name: Friend
Subject:

????

Lalitha -

Who made the decision to sell the house to only you? Why not you and your husband? Why not your in-laws? You mentioned that your elder BIL is moving out, your younger BIL is not willing to, where are your in-laws in this picture? If you were all so happy at one point and lived together for so long, just because of an failure with an investment, why are you all willing to let that happiness disappear?

I don't know the entire situation, but why is your husband accusing all women? I think it is the money that has gotten to everyone and that is causing all the problems. Your husbnad needs to grow up and so do you. Why is your BIL a problem? If your husband doesnt' like to live alone then before he starts to point fingers at you or women in general he should try to fix the situation and find out the real reason for the problem.

2001-12-27

Name: Friend
Subject:

Hi Lalitha -

How do your in-laws feel? Do they still feel as though the house is still their? How come your younger BIL didn't take part in the agreement? It seems like only your elder BIL wanted to move out.

My advice, honestly I agree with you but if you voice your opinion that it is better for the family to live apart even though your husband and FIL disagree with you, you will be blamed for breaking the family apart. Unless you have intentions of moving out as well and keep the house in your name but still leave it for your in-laws and have each brother contribute their share to pay for the house. If they believe it to be their parents home, then they should help out financially.

You see your husband has already started to blame you and he along with your in-laws will blame you if you continue to voice your opinion on this particular topic.

I don't know you or how your family works but if you don't see the harm in telling them what you feel and that is great.

Please keep in touch.

2001-12-26

Name: lalitha
Subject:

Hai 'Friend'

Actually it's my MIL's house. Ok let me straighten out few things here.
Honestly, my MIL intended to sell her house which all of us staying together now coz after the investment flop, we can't afford to pay the house instalment to bank. Then my elder BIL voice out that he's moving out. So I suggested that rather than selling the house to outsider, we family members might as well re-loan the house and so the monthly installment will reduce.

I told my husband that we buy the house with the same price as my MIL bought so the legal fees & loan from bank will not have much difference and we can take a longer period of years since we are younger.

Now we already did the 'Sales & Purchase agreement & the bank loan already approved.

My BILs don't agree that's our property & keep saying that is parents property.
Anyway that's not the problem.

Now my BILs wish to move out which my husband not really happy.
My opinion is it's better to live on your own since the family is getting bigger & you can control your own family.

But to my husband & FIL they wish to have all under one roof.

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