Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi ,
my husband and i are married for 6years .we have a 5yr old son. i love my husband veyr much . we had fights and domestice violence and he has filed for divorce against me.i do not want to divorce him becoz he is and he can only be the father of my child. but when ever we meet now we fight about the past . i too get angry and he too loses temper. i realize this later when i cool down that i should not lose temper. whenever i see or meet him i remember how badly he had beaten me. and later on he had begged me to save him from the police .so i did not press charges on him. but later on he filed for divorce stating that i beat myself up.
but i want to forget the past and start afresh .
am i doing the right thing and are my feelings correct ??
pls advice priya replied. Hi Mukta,

This must be tough on you. but even tougher on your son. personally I would have myself given up and divorced such a manipulative husband who dosent respect his wife and treats her like dirt. But dont know how dependent you are on your husband. True a child needs both his parents, but it will be better for a child to grow in a loving single parent home than an abusive 2 parent house where there are constant fights.

You love your husband but does he love you? One can even stay with a person without love but if it is abusive also then it is just a living hell.
Take care of your self and discuss with your parents and siblings on what will be good for you and your child.

Best wishes. Archie replied. Dear Mukta,
This is a relation involves lot of things and easy to sail when there is full trust, faith, honesty, loyalty and openness.

If you both regret after mishap and indeed are in love there is a hope and you two can work on this.

It surely is going to be hard on both of you no matter what's choice, either to process with divorce or forgive and start a life once again.

Divorce will bring lot of bureaucracy and complications while bringing this small life. Law perhaps will give you full custody or you two can share it depends on the state and depth of points mentioned while filing divorce.

If you agree to forgive each other there is a chance that you both or at least one can exploit situation in future. However, if other on has choosen to bear all that comes for your child then it could be not so difficult to put up with.

Love is a miracle created on this planet. As long as love exist you can be still together no matter how abusive relation is. I know girls doing this and also I know a very few guys following the same. It is not as easy as when there are not differences or problems in two partners.

Let me remind you and your husband that you both are lucky, within a year of marriage blessed with Son, yet you both have not started to think of him. Definitely you both have affected him badly so far with your domestic violence. He is at his vulnerable age and can be so impressive, indirectly you are bringin him in absolutely wrong way. Unless you two understand each other he will hardly love parents and love to be in committed monogamus relation (may I sound little exagerating- then forgive me). But you both have to understand that your marriage has third player more important than you two and your emotions. It's not about you two feeling good about, now it's about you two involving together to make beautiful life of your Son and make yourself a proud parents.

If you like give this to your husband and try and see what you two can come up with.

Definitely I am antidivorce person. I believe marriage is a hugh thing we all have to deal in life and won't be just ideal. We all have to make some compramises and as long as both party understand this marriage can be easy to handle.

Hope you can put behind your past, instead of getting in agony. Divorce is not solution for your past. It won't change by divorce. It's easier when said than done, I know this as well.

Has he been loyal to you and only abusive bring this point to his attention and you can make it happen.

He loves you then he will understand that how many times you saved him from police, his consience will have to speak about this, no matter what he writes in divorce paper. We all have to answer to ourselves no matter what we say and if we can keep that selfrespect there is very little we will feel guilty about.

Do this for your Son.

God bless you both and that innocent child who has no clue how hard life you are planning for him.

Archie