Relationships  Discussion Forum

HI,
Any of you out there whose husband thinks its a wife's job to put out everything in front of them. Are their attitudes like,\"; you need to do this for me coz thats your job\"; (and no matter how small that job could be - like fixing your own break fast every morning).
I think my hubby is just one of those. Every time, he has to make his own breakfast which is as simple as throwing a few slices of meat, cheese & bread together in a sandwich maker & wait for 2 minutes till its done (including NO clean up) he keeps count of it. And then he'll start a fight, \";i think you are not taking care of me blah blah\";. I spend 2 hours every day cooking lunch & dinner , do all the other chores around the house on a regular basis (without cribbing), I show him enough love n affection (we're mostly hugging n kissing n happy around each other). So why is it such a big deal for him to just make his own breakfast? I basically don't get the \";I need to be taken care of mentality\";. Yes, you guessed it we had an arguement about it last night. I basically have been busy for the last week at work so hes fixed his BF & sometimes packed his lunch. Yesterday morning I called my mom & he ended up fixing his breakfast himself just one more time. He was mad at me all day.
I know I could've avoided calling my mom at that time, but I just thought he could do the job himself (a 10 yr old could). I love him very much & like doing things for him (and have told him that). But lets face it, we live in a different generation, husbands do work around the house (which includes the kitchen). Atleast all of our friends are that way. Most of the couple we know, eat out all the time, or order around their hubbies to do chores, messy houses etc . I am not trying to judge them but I feel its important to live in a good clean house & eat home cooked meals. So I do spend enough time doing domestic work. I am hurt coz he fails to see that I do put in enough work. We are a young couple married 2 years ago.
Early into the marriage he'd be even fussier, he wanted me to cook indian style breakfast every morning. I did that for two years till he got health consious & decided to eat these sandwiches by choice. He always seems to be comparing me with his mom. He being the only child, he had all his mom's attention.....thats a whole another story. What do you think ladies, or some insight from hubbies out there...... anisha replied. hi dear,
i was reading u'r posting and couldn't help laughing....mind u not at u.
It's just that men ...specially INDIAN men are SOOOOO pampered by their moms...and in then end it is wife who suffers.
The thing is i get what u r saying...doing all this does not bother but when something u do out of love is considered..oh!\"; a thing u have to do\";...it starts to bother. My hubby once told me..oh look u'r mom presses u'r dad's clothes....and i reminded him that his dad pressed his own clothes.
It's like with men the more u baby them the more they want!!!
Solution to all this.....send them back to their mommies???
but seriously....maybe u can suggest that u make BF on aletnate days for him and he makes it on alternate for u...or maybe he can make bf in bed for u on the weekends.
maybe when the storm has blown u can remind him again that u loving doing hosue/kitchen stuff....but once ina while u have u'r off days where u don't feel like or just might be busy.
Hope u r feeling better today and u guys have already made up.
take care vaishali. replied. This happens in relationships. In anger we say things we don't generally mean. Sometimes we are hurt so much that we say rude things to hurt the other person also. Lets face it that Indian men think cooking and children are not their part of the housework and inspite of being highly qualified this attitude doesn't change. Maybe it is too late for men of his generation to change, so lets take it on our stride and spare discontent in the house. Of course this doesn't mean that you have to pamper him like his mother. Do your bit and just ignore if he is still unsatisfied. Maybe he still has to grow up a bit. awife replied. Vaishali,
I know what your saying. But may be I didn't put across my feelings very well.
I like doing work around the house, & doing things for him. I just feel sad that why did he assume that I was not willing to make BF for him (been doing it for 2 years)? And eventually why did he fight with me about it. Somehow he had bottled up his anger all week & let it out in a very bad way. Was it worth hurting me? He could have asked nicely, lovingly. I hate the fact that he thinks I don't care about him. That makes me think that doing chores around the house (without complaining) goes completely unnoticed........ vaishali. replied. Actually it is not so bad. Maybe you are feeling miserable since you fought over it yesterday. I think your call to your mother must have pissed him which he has given an other face. Don't get me wrong, but just as he is doing no favour by bringing money into the house, you too are not doing a favour by doing the house work. Both of you are working hard and so it is best to avoid these irritating small issues. If BF is a issue of irritation, maybe you can getup 15 minutes earlier to get this done. You can compensate for this by taking a short nap in the afternoon. I make the sandwiches when my tea is getting done. I have to make 3 BFs,Pack 3 Lunch all before 6.00 AM. Start witha positive attitude, it is not so bad.