Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a 22 year old guy currently pursuing 4th year in Engineering. I haven't got a job yet
but I am sure that I will get one very soon. In the year 2000 I came to know by the actions of my
cousin sister that she loves me very dearly and I too fell in love with her. Actually we both
wanted to love each other and continue our relationship till the end by marrying each other.
She is now 19 years old. She never had any other relationships and so do I. At that time
I was 19 and she was 16. We took this decision but a lot of discussions among ourselves.
We have full trust on each other. It is she who really provided confidence in me and after her
confidence I stared doing well in my studies.

She stayed in a different city and I used to phone her quite often at her house. Her parents did
not mind and thought us to be very good friendsm which we really are. I had told her that we
would marry each other and stay together as husband and wife and she agreed to me. Such
a relationship is not encouraged by our society but nowadays as people are growing modern
such relationships are not uncommon. She was in school then in 2000. Now she came to my
city and now she is studying in a girls college and staying in a girls hostel. Her parents do not
know about our relationship and so do my parents butsometimes they got indications from
our actions. My parents tried to convince me to stop this relationship but they did not succeed.
Her mother initially liked me staying with her but after she came to my city her mother started
becoming indifferent towards me if not angry.

I always considered and still do consider this girl as my wife and love her very dearly and more
than anybody else in this world. We always considered each other as husband and wife when
we were together. I always made plans with her that after getting a job and becoming settled in
life we will marry each other even if our parents protests. If situations occur we may even run
away and get married. Even if our society does not accept us. So after she came to my city
we went out together quite often about 3rice a week and still we do the same.

Our relationship went steady for 3 years, but lately her attitude towards me had been different.
I am sure that there is no other boy in her life apart from me. She started telling me that lets
discontinue our relationship as this will not be accepted by our society. She still says that
she loves me but she cannot disrespect/leave her father and marry me against her father's
wish. She even says that if something worse happens to her father seeing both of us marry
each other, she can never forgive herself and myself and can never stay with me. When I
ask her why is she behaving in such a strange manner and why didn't she think of these
consequences at the time of starting this relationship, she says that at that time she was
quite young to understand all these things and she did all these out of infatuation.

She always used to tell me not to change my love towards her in future and be like this all
throughout my life but now she herself has changed and started acting in a queer manner.
She even says that in her house her mother and grandmother had started making preparations
for her marriage(that would be held after 3-4 years) like buying of costly jewellery etc etc.
She saw all these hopes of her mother and grandmother and thus she cannot displease them.
She even says that what the society would call her parents if she marries me and her
father would loose all his self respect. She won't be able to see her father in such a state.
She even says that she came to my city to convince me and cut off relationship with me.
Otherwise she would have gone to any other city and study there.

I am in a very dejected state nowadays and I have tried to convince her. I am feeling like
ending my life. At first she agrees with me but again after few days she raises the same
issue and makes both of us feel sad. I AM REALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL AND
WOULD LIKE TO MARRY THIS GIRL AT ANY COST. I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT HER
AND WOULD LIKE HER TO BECOME MY LIFE PARTNER TILL THE
END. I REALLY WANT TO GET HER AS MY WIFE AN BE SETTLED WITH HER
PEACEFULLY. Could you please give me an opinion about how I can convince her to
marry me? I dont want to leave her or make her free from my reach but instead I want
her to be with me till the end. PLEASE suggest me peaceful ways abou how I shall
be able to convince her? Please reply fast.

I am confident that MY LOVE TOWARDS HER will WIN and I will be able to get HER
as my WIFE but for that I need some opinions about how I can make her understand
that IT IS NOT ONLY HER FATHER WHO LOVES HER BUT IT IS ALSO HER \";HUBBY\";
THAT IS ME WHO LOVES HER EQUALLY IF NOT MORE.......


Vai replied. Dear friends,

Thank you very much for your advice.
They were all very helpful.

I would like to inform you that my wife has again come back to my life. She is ready to leave her parents for me. She has at last listened to me.

She was actually trying to see how much I loved her and what I did if she said that she was ending our relationship. She has understood that I am not the one who will never leave her anytime. She felt confident that there is somebody behind her, that is me.

She is again behaving well and we are going to marry soon. Now she thinks that I am the only true friend she has in this world.

Do you know how I made this possible?
I made her go and see the world instead of pursuading her to LOVE me. At last she saw the cruel rude world and now she understood that she is only comfortable with me and thus she had come back to me.

She had actually become bored with the same things I told her about love. Now I have changed my attitude towards her and she is behaving the best. She is meeting me frequently. Now she wants to meet me more than I want to meet her.

Now I am \";an old wine in a new bottle\";

SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!
SO OUR LOVE HAS WON!!!!!!!!!!

VAI
rashmi replied. hi,
when i was 17 i staretd dating this guy in school. he was a nice guy and we said and promised many things with each other. it felt like love. But eventually i started feeling less for him and i found myself making excuses not to meet him. I really felt guilty for not being able to love as much as him...so i dragged the reltionship..everytime thinking this is not the right time..he has his exmas now, he has his enterance test, he didn't get into where he wanted..i can't drop the bomb now etc. The reltionship continued for another year and then finally it was eating me alive because i didn't love him and i was having this fake reltioship.
Like u he didn't take it well. I felt horrible...but i knew i didn't want to marry him and so i didn't let him try to convince me to marry him. But he kept on pursing and writing these letters upon letters upon letters. I was gentel in the beginning and beacuse he is a nice guy i didn't want to hurt him anymore, then i tried ignoring , then i had to be rude as his trying to purse me did not stop.In the end iwas just plane angry. I couldn't even stand his name.
Fast forward to today (i'm 29)..i am happyly married with my hubby and he ,i learnt through friends, met a sweet girl and they got married (love marriage)and just had a baby. I'm really happy for him.
But in my mind i still feel irritation when i think of him. I have forgotten the good moments..all i really remember is the non stop trying to pursudae me.
Why i'm telling u all this is cause u can stop before all her memories of u get bitter.
Forcing someone to love u never works. It just drives the person further away. Everyone below has given u good advise.
U will find someone else. Natia replied. It does sound like your girl has grown up. She may have loved you for years and years but now she is more mature, she has become worldwise and maybe less rebelious. Whatever the reason, she is clearly telling you she doesn't want this relationship. You can't force somebody to love you. Even if you somehow mange to talk her into marrying you, think of how much she will resent you later, all her love would turn to hate for forcing her into a realtionship she didn't want. It won't be a happy marriage.
I know it is hard, but you have to let her go. Once you get a job, make a new circle of friends, get a new hobby or join some sports clubs - not to meet new girls but to keep yourself busy. Time does heal a broken heart. Good luck. Archie replied. Hi,

Think of all consequences. All what happened has to be attributed to the age.

I am fully with VS and that's the fact.

You have to get over this and make your like as beautiful as you can.

Good luck with your endeavor. vs replied. I truly understand your love and your state but frankly you are both very young to think of marriage. It looks like your girl friend had a mere infatuation and she has out grown it. I think her message is clear- she does not want any relationship with you. Just let her go. Consider this a rough lesson in the journey of life. It may be traumatic in the beginning but when you get thru this you will be emotionally much stronger than now. Once there was a man who loved a girl so much that day and night he had only one prayer that he should marry her but his prayer remained unfulfilled. Years passed and he married and met his old love in the supermarket and he looked at his wife and thought \";Thank God, you did not fulfill my prayer that day\";. Consider your 'wife' the unanswered prayer and move ahead. indian replied. Get help quickly and grow up and be sensible like your cousin sister indian replied.