Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi friends,

I am pregnant with the second one, and into my 3rd trimester already. My hubby's mom is terminally ill now, and he has 2 more brothers. For the past one year, all three brothrs, have been making frequent trips to india to visit theri mom. But right now, since i am my last few mths of pregnancy, i want to always, have my hubby with me, as a matter of support. But right now since their mom is not stable, his brother is asking my hubby to go in for help now. His younger brother made a trip recently and hence, i know its not fair to ask him to visit agin, But his elder brother has lost his job right now, but has accumulated a lot of savings, which can support their family even thro out their life, without any problem, so i know he being unemployed now won't matter much atleast financially; morever he dosen't even have the hassle of applying for leave from office etc etc.
But the thing which is really bothering me is the continuous demand of his elder brother to push my hubby into a trip this now. I feel he must be a bit more considerate, atleast for my sake, since iam pregnant now, and he must be knowing its difficult to manage, everything, with my elder child as well. But his brother never seems to understand my position and keeps demanding my hubby to make the trip. and i am a bit concerned. Since its a question of his mom's ill health, i am not able to argue, much, since, anyone in the world will be attached to his/'her own parents. I don't mind if he makes a trip after my child is out, and after my parents are there here to help me out. But not at this stage. I tried telling this out to him, but he seems to be too keen in listening only to his brother, and says, i can't bargain with my brother in such matters, and my elder brohter can't make this trip this time. THus i just kept quiet and din't argue much into tht topic. But please suggest me how do i deal this situation, and also make my hubby understand my feeling. But i have no complaints about him right now as when he is with me, he takes really good care of me, but how do i make him understand my situation right now. He dosen't wish to listen to me in this matter. His elder brother has said that he can't make the trip now, as he is expecting many interviews right now.I really don't understand why he is so concerned about his job when he already has a very huge savings, he could hunt for a job even after he is back from his trip right.He has convinced my hubby with this good reason and hence says, its better my hubby takes turn this time. How do i tackle this problem, Please advice.
bye Ana replied. Hmmm, waht a dilema. I understand you wanting your hubby with you now, but his mom is dying. maybe your hubby wants go! if my mom was dying i would want to go no matter what. If she dies that's it, gone forever. your poor hubby has double the stress, his mom is dying and his baby is coming, the two most stressfull things in a person's life. He needs your support too. if she doesn't have long to go maybe you can get your parents to come a bit earlier to stay with you. What if his mom dies while he was waiting with you to have a baby? He may resent you or baby for keeping him from his mom. And if she dies he would have to go to the funeral so he would be leaving you anyway. If she is not close to death then maybe you can make a deal so that hubby goes for a short time and when dues date closer he comes home.
It is a stressful situation. i hope something works out. A replied. Dear gt,
Your problem is really a serious one. I myself being in the third trim and mother of a baby can understand your situation very well. But at the same time, the stand of your BIL is not wrong. However rich you are, you always need a earning. So, his looking for job is perfectly justified. Isn't there somebody else in India who can look after ur MIL for a few months, a SIL, for instance. I know that no one can take place of hubby in such a situation, but is it possible for your parents to come bit earlier. That way, you can work out a situation where-in you will have your parents while your hubby is away. And you can plan his visit in such a way that he should be back at the time of delivery. Just try to talk him in to some such option where-in you don't have to be alone at any time. Also make him understand that in this trim anything can happen. Where will you run with the kid if some emergency comes in.