Relationships  Discussion Forum

My questions is...My boyfriend and I are marrying in April in a Hindu ceremony that he wanted but there will not be any hindu people there. His family lives here in the US but is in India at this time they are refusing to come home or speak to him. They know we are going to marry. They have never met me nor want to meet me. He is scared for me to meet them because he is afraid I will run away from him. My question what extent will they go to. Do most families practice emotional blackmail? What do I expect from them? Need someone to talk to.... naina replied. hi tarcy,
congrats in advance for ur wedding.well u make u understand in simple ways its better u stay away from ur in laws as most indian boys are mamas boy and they cannot confront them.ur in laws will blackmail him that ur hubby doesnot respect them etec etc and he choose u over them bla bla and even if after lot of request and hardwork and dealing with crap they accept u everytime u meet or there is some matter they will differenciate so much will try to show u and ur family as if ur r crap and dont know anything not cultured etc then u will start having fights with ur husband as he will say that i understand u but u cant answerback our argument as they are my parents so even if they say that they did they will never accept u .so its better if they dont give a damm u do the same belive me i am still going through it as i had a love marriage and it was just intercaste and urs is even different story friend replied. dear tracy, why dont u read all the messages in the section 'role of inlaws and joint family'? this is not to scare u but you will get faIRLY A GOOD IDEA about the indian inlaws. there wont be any surprise waiting for u. any way you can always lead a happy life if ur hubby loves u and you are financially independant and mentally strong. Tracy's Supporter replied. Hi Tracy,

You have my heartfelt congratulations on you impending happy day and my sencere sympathy with regard to your partners family. I am in a similar position and I feel greatly for you. It is also hard for our partners as they do love their familys no matter what. I do wish things were easier and that indian patents could accept things without causing pain.

However they do mean well. Every parent wants the best for their child and like all others indiand have their own ideas with regard to that. It seems to me that emotional black mail is a common thing. I dont mean to insult indian parents as deep down they are meaning well.

As for advice,well, be strong and stay supportive to your partner as he is to you. You may very well meet his family and find they are exceptionally rude but should that occur keep smiling & do not let them get the better of you. If you feel the need to cry of be mad do not do it infront of them.... I wish you all the best.... Tracy replied. Thank you all for your feedback tejmom replied. emotional blackmail is what they practice. my sincere advice to u is keep your in laws at distance and dont let them hurt u. make sure your husband's mind is not changed. iam not trying to scare u but there is every possibility for that. because they will try to seperate you even after marriage. vd replied. Hi Stacey,

First of all congratulations.

Yes emotions are high up on Indians mind. Also, your boyfriend is right because you might find their attitude insulting towards you, which may create some distance in your relationship. At this stage please avoid all that.

They will aceept you gradually, but do not go out of way to have you accepted. In the end you might find it difficult to fulfill all the expectations.YOu are what you are.

But, I have a suggestion, please have some of his cousins or members of extended family invited. It will be good for you to have some members from his side to witness the ceremony. It will create a bonding for you into his family.

All the best for you. Its not easy marrying an Indian man. Just joking. Enjoy your day. God bless both of you. V1 replied. My advise is avoid them like anything . Indian families are high believers in emotional blackmail and will go to any extent to control their son . Better would be if you keep your distance if you want marital peace .
good luck !! julyborn replied. Hi Tracy,

Congrats as u r getting married!!!! But ur fear is true....indian families can do anything to get their son listen to them if they don't approve of his marraige.....i don't want to scare u or anything...but indian families can be very orthodox sometimes...u and ur hubby to be should have a very good understanding and trust that nobody could break....when u meet his family ...try to be very nice to them...ask ur hubby before hand how to behave in front of his family ....what will they like ...etc....that may soften their attitude or dislike towards u......

u try and to understand them and tell ur hubby to make them understand that she is my wife and sooner they accept it .....would be good for evrybody....

Best of luck!!!