Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
Ours was a love marriage.We are both software engineers from Wipro. We are from different but almost equal castes.There was a lot of opposition from both sides. But we got married against their wishes. We stayed with his parents and sisters soon after marriage. My fatherinlaw who was already not well expired within two months of our marriage.My mil and sils blame me for that.They sya I brought ill luck to the family. This was seven years ago.After that I had two sons. We went abroad and came back.My mother in law keeps saying bad(untrue) things about me to my husband.She gets her relatives also to say the same to him.Slowly he started feeling I am bad. I want to be out of the situation.Day to day I slog like hell.I do all the household work,I work in office take care of the kids after coming home. But at the end of the day I hear all these insults which I am not able to take any longer.Her son should not contribute anything to the household work.Though I was pregnant I was made to do all this. She would not let me eat. She is really spoiling the love and affection my husband had for me. I am desparate. I love him a lot.But he sides with her for everything. I amm totally lost.Pls give some advice Virginia Gal replied. Can you get your own place away from the inlaws? Living with the joint family has destroyed the serene sense of happiness and pleasure we are supposed to get with raising our children and living with our families. Its really worn you out. It was sad reading your post and reading that you come home after a long day of work and kids to hear your ML insults. Thats messed up. There seems to be so much friction in the house with everyone living together. You need to move out with your kids and hubby. Don't move too far away if you can't idealy, but get your own place if you can. Its the only way sometimes. shaan replied. first of all iam really sad to read about your state. Actually in love marriages you already know a person and there are rare chances of getting into trouble after marrige. But in your case your husband is really very disgusting. You are well qualified,employed, so take decisive step like try to speak to your husband first. Then try to speak and get cleared your view with your in-laws. If then also things do not get clear just pack your back say good bye to your hubby. If you stay there and suffer they will slog you and make your as well as your kids life a hell. LA replied. First decide what you are willing to do, are you willing to stick to a decsion and leave him if it has to be that way? If you are ready to follow through with it, then tell him that he either change drastically and start acting like a husband and remember that he is now a husband and not just a son anymore or you will leave him. Set a time limit for yourself and leave by then.

I know this isn't what you want because no one wants to have to walk away, but it doesn't seem your husband is willing to change, he even stopped talking to you.

Love marriage doesn't mean much if he is not loving you the right way now. It's sad that this happened but I think you need to decide whether you can live like this for the rest of your life or not.

The longer you deal with it and don't make a stand for a change to happen, the harder it will be when you decide enough is enough. rachel replied. Tell your husband to marry his mother! apparently his mother does all this because she is insecure. This happens to a lot of couples. Your husbands mother hates the fact that she doesn't have sole custody of her GROWN son. If your husband was anything but a coward he would have at least told his mother that if she didn't have anything constructive to say, then dont say anything at all. Pack your bags, take the kids and go some place else. This will allow your husband time to realise what you contribute to the household. Sorry to say this but sometimes men only change for the better if they think that the need of having you is greater than loneliness. augustborn replied. Hi Decborn
You are a smart and professionally qualified lady. You neednot take any crap from anyone. You are earning well, it would be better for you to keep a maid who would cook so that atleast you have a breather. The next thing you need to do is relax...take out \";Me Time\";...its vital to be able to spend time alone after such a hectic schedule. For a very long time you have been catering to everyone's needs but neglecting your own.
Spend time with your kids away from home...plan activities...
Create as much space between yourself and your MIL...emotionally if not physically...
Once you have attained a semblance of balance in your life...talk to your husband and discuss with him as to what all is happening in your lives and how it is effecting you and the kids...see what he has to say. This conversation should not be about your MIL but you two...see how he reacts...

Wishing you best of luck...