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Spring Cleaning Your Relationships


-by Madhumita Gupta



This Diwali, don't just focus on spring-cleaning your home. Consider doing the same with your relationships.


The monsoon is on its last legs, having brought much-needed respite at some places and wreaked havoc at others. And our musty, dank homes are crying out for some vigorous application of dusters and thick new brooms, strong smelling disinfectants and detergents.
However much we might hate it, this a routine all of us go through every year. But do we spend half as much time or energy spring-cleaning our relations too

Have you taken a look recently at the growing pile of past hurt The volcano of seething slights threatening to burst. Is it a wonder then that the divorce lawyer is getting richer and our children weaker If nothing else, we owe it to our children to give them a secure upbringing.

It is high time we started searching for those elusive brooms and dusters, disinfectants and detergents, which spruce up not our houses but our relations.
Don't worry if past grouses have been left unattended for too long. Yes, the job will be tougher, but possible.


Keeping communication channels buzzing

Just like everyday dust, small resentments, petty disagreements need to be cleared before they acquire the grime of time and turn into major grouses. Talking it out in most cases is enough, as often most arguments are born from misunderstandings created due to lack of communication. Even if we feel it is a good idea just at that moment, sweeping the dirt or hurt under the carpet never solves a problem.


Retrospection

No relationship is perfect. Little clashes that occur on a daily basis have a tendency to pile up, regardless of whether you're venting your frustrations or bottling them inside.

Try and have a positive approach. Making an effort to feel good about each other is better than dwelling on each other's faults.

Your spouse (and you too!) have good qualities. Focus on these, like you did when you were courting. Don't second guess your decision of taking the plunge, and don�t waste time brooding about what he or she doesn't have.

Count your blessings, and think in how many ways you've been lucky. Polish the positives till they sparkle bright enough to eclipse the ignorable minor irritants.

With our rat-instinct we keep hoarding things in our closets, cabinets and attics, and in the same way we hang on to our past hurts too. When you finally get down to throwing out the rubbish from your attic, forget that your spouse forgot your anniversary last year and focus on what you will do to make it special this year. No matter how hurt you were in the past, there's no sense dwelling on anything as long as you know that you get along with your spouse, he treats you well and loves you.

View your relationship with your spouse as a whole picture rather than worrying over one little smudge in a corner. Live and let live, and, don't try and change your spouse.


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