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Seeking Marital Counselling

-by Editor

Before opting for divorce, try marital counselling. Here's how to select the right counsellor.

Even in the face of rising divorce rates, no couple includes the vow, And in 5 years we hope to divorce. Marriage is seen as a commitment for keeps. When distress abounds, couples are faced with a number of survival strategies. Depending on the issue, some couples will bind together to overcome adversity. Other couples may run in opposite direction, losing the benefit of mutual support and others will simply hunker down to ride out the storm. Interestingly, recent research suggests that of unhappy couples that do hunker down 2/3's become happy couples after a period of about five years.

For those that cannot hunker down or pull together, marital therapy is seen as strategy to get on track.

Marital therapy is more often provided by persons whose training is primarily in individual therapy as if to say all therapy is alike. This leaves consumers of marital therapy at a distinct disadvantage when looking for a therapist.

Very often the call for therapy comes from only one member of the marriage. The caller is often distressed and looking for help with the marriage. The caller may request to see the therapist alone first to deal with their intense feelings, or alternately they may conclude that their spouse will refuse to attend. A therapist trained in individual therapy will likely see the caller alone. A therapist trained in marital therapy will strongly recommend that the couple be seen together and will explain that beginning alone may increase the probability of a break-up and that the spouse would reasonably reject coming in later, concerned for a pre-established bias on the part of the therapist from having met first with the caller.

Other callers may concern themselves for neutrality on the part of the therapist. Indeed many styles of individual therapy do call for neutrality and intervention is based upon passive reflecting of client issues. Trained marital therapists however, are rarely neutral. A trained marital therapist should be biased in favour of the integrity of your marriage lest they become the catalyst for its demise. Similarly, a trained marital therapist should have a stated opinion on matters of violence or abuse or infidelity and see these as serious issues to be addressed within the context of the marriage.

Marital therapy is one of the most intense venues for displaying emotion. A trained marital therapist should be comfortable with emotional intensity and be able to manage and structure the meeting to provide for the safety of the couple. Marital therapists can be highly directive or prescriptive. Couples entering marital therapy should expect the therapist to be active in the process and provide clear direction to improve the marital relationship.

If you are experiencing marital distress, don't treat all therapists alike. Look for a marital therapist who has had specific training, is comfortable with emotional intensity and will offer clear direction to help resolve identified problems. Lastly, be sure the marital therapist will respect the integrity of your marriage and work towards resolving problems as opposed to falling prey to your conflict or questioning your commitment or desire to remain married.

If in the process you decide to end your marriage, it should be a matter of your decision, not the outcome of poor therapy. Poor therapy can hurt. Good therapy can help.

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Name: Rajasekhar
City:   Chennai
Comments:   I am rajasekhar , 31 years old got married( arranged ) in 2015 (18 months till date ) and we both living together since 1 year. I am not happy with her and dont want to continue this relation further .She is 25 yr old who is dependant , doesn´t want to work except kitchen and household work and she is short and fat .Every time I look at her I feel like why did I get married to her . I told the same thing to her , my parents and her parents but no one is ready to hear me . They are like if you didn´t like her why did you marry . Ya I agree I would have told at that time and to be frank I dont have any one in mind also. I have a younger brother(1 year younger) who is now saying if I dont stay with her, he will not get married. I come from a middle class family and they are quite rich . So everyone is worried they can do anything with money by putting false cases or something like that. I really don´t know how to make them understand and need an advice from you at the earliest .

Name: Sandy
City:   Hyderabad
Comments:   I want a good pre marital counselor to save my relationship. I really love him a lot and don´t want to loose him . So please get me a good counselor in Hyderabad

Name: Sheetal
City:   Ahemdabad
Comments:   I really need to save my marriage I love my hubby lot bt he don´t listen to my problems he always keep his sister n mom In first preference As they always torcher me M having 3 yr kid V need r love back plz help me out

Name: Surabhi
City:   anuppur
Comments:   I want counselling for my parents, please suggest any consellor in anuppur (MP) or in Bilaspur (CG)

Name: sambavi
City:   vizag
Comments:   i need ur help plz contact me

City:   Jaipur
Comments:   I am facing problem due to high temperament of my wife. I need counselling at Jaipur . Kindly suggest proper counselor

City:   Ghaziabad
Comments:   for the last 6 months, my under depression under this view that I got 2nd marriage. But in true, there is nothing. I have 3 three children and my age is around 50 years. His doubt have not far away till now. I have show many doctors and family members but all failed. Whenever I go outside the home she felt I met 2nd wife. then tension started, Please help me.

Name: TVMS Kumar
City:   Kharghar, Navi Mumbai
Comments:   Please kindly reach me out. I need your help and advise to save my marriage. My wife and in laws are hellbent on seeking Separation without hearing my side. I have two sons one is in 2nd and second one is in 7th class. Please help me out..

Name: barat
Comments:   kindly contact me our friend need your help.....

City:   DUBAI
Comments:   Its very perfect article for the present world. One of my friend is facing the family issue, after 9 years of marriage his wife demanding diverse. But my friend dont want as he want his 7 years kid and 2 years kid and his wife. I like to know who is the best Councillor in HYDERABAD, TELANGANA , INDIA.

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