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Moving On

-by Editor

When one partner ends a seemingly wonderful relationship, the other partner is always left deeply hurt. Here's how to deal with the pain of being 'dumped'.

One needs to constantly keep working at a marriage to make it successful. There are so many extraneous factors influencing a marriage: in-laws, money problems, child-related arguments, abuse issues and so on. At times even living in a bad marriage or being in a bad relationship seems to be a better option than being without such a relationship. And when one partner decides to end a seemingly wonderful relationship, the other partner is always left dazed, confused, shocked, and deeply, deeply hurt. Here's how to deal with the pain of being 'dumped'.

Find support from your close friends and family. This is the time you will hear phases like time is a great healer and don't worry, you will find someone better most often. Don't just dismiss these phases and say You don't know what you are talking about. Even though, at this moment, you may feel like you will love this person for the rest of your life and the pain will never go away trust me you will get over her and the pain WILL gradually decrease.

Realise that you are going through a very painful time. Most people, all around the world, have had to deal with the pain of being dumped by someone they love at some point or another in their lives. Your situation may seem unique to you because you have been married for 5 years and have a child, but your pain is no more than the pain of a woman dumped by a boyfriend with who she was still very much in love. So before the thought why me crosses your head, cross it out. It's NOT just you.

You may feel that you would rather be happy with this one person even if he doesn't love you back but such thinking is completely self-destructive. By putting your longing for this person above the fact that he doesn't care for you, you are almost ensuring a life filled with insecurities and uncertainties. In addition, you are depriving yourself of the chance of ever finding true happiness with someone in the future who will truly love and cherish you. So when a person who doesn't really love you walks away, even though it hurts, it is really for the best. The door is now open and someone who will really love you can enter. Not everyone gets that lucky. The person leaving you may be wonderful in every way, but if she does not love you, in the long run, she will not make you happy.

Stop talking about him

How do you get over a person who you once loved so deeply The feeling to talk about her will be very strong. Every time you are with your friends, you will want to keep pulling the topic of conversation back to her. Stop doing this. Stop talking about him. Yes, you can discuss him with your friends and relatives for a few days, or maybe even a few weeks, but after that just stop giving in to the temptation to keep talking about him and reliving those moments and feelings.

Control your mind

Similarly, your mind will want to keep remembering all those good times and bad times you once shared. What did you do wrongNULL Why did he leave If only you had done some things differently. If only you had said this, if only you had not said that. Your mind will keep rehashing scenes over and over again, for as long as you want it to. If you want to keep thinking and brooding over the way things were for years to come, it is entirely your choice. If you want to move on, you will have to control your mind. Just like you should stop talking about him, you should also stop thinking about him. Of course, this is easier said than done, but unless you make an effort you will not be able to move on soon. Concentrate on something else, like work, so you have a distraction. Some people take a year to get over a loved one, some take 10 years, and some take 10 weeks. It largely depends on how you decide to handle the situation.

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