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Separating From In-Laws

-by Editor

It is wonderful if children can look after their parents, but if this arrangement is not working, it's best to separate.

Most of us Indians take pride in the fact that our family ties are so strong. After all, we don't see the joint family system existing in many other cultures, do we Where else will we see families consisting of two brothers, their wives, their children, their parents and perhaps even a grandparent if not two, living in the same house Where will we find wives who wake up early morning, cook for their husbands and prepare their tiffins before they set off for work In which other culture do the old look after their young Truly, we Indians could teach the world a thing or two about happy families.
Or so we think.

While the joint family system can be great if it works, it rarely does. Animosity amongst sisters-in-law or amongst mothers and daughters in law is common, and this eventually leads to a break in the relationship amongst parents and their sons, or between brothers. Often, husbands are unaware of the seriousness of the problems faced by their wives when it comes to coping with in-laws. The blame may lie with either side. Not all mothers in law are evil, not all 'bahus' are angels.

While it is definitely nice if children can look after their parents, if this arrangement does not seem to be working, it is always better to separate. A husband should never compel his wife to live with her in-laws if they are having problems. Perhaps the mother in law is harassing his wife, or perhaps she is harassing her mother in law. Either way, it is best for all, if he starts working on arranging for separate accommodation.

Kamini had pleaded with her husband, Karan, for seven years to separate from her in-laws. Her pleas fell on deaf ears, and finally, taking matters into her own hand, she walked out of the house with her daughter. They did have alternate accommodation thankfully, and she started living in her new home. Though Karan was initially upset with her, one month later, he moved in with them. Now, though Kamini lives happily in her new home with her husband and daugher, she is still worried because the entire business and all their property is in the name of her in-laws. If something were to happen to Karan, where would Kamini and her daughter go He ignores her constant requests to put something down in their name, saying, Nothing will happen to me, you worry too much.

Karan typifies the husband whose priority is his work, and his home life takes a back seat. Not only is he being incredibly insensitive to his wife's genuine fears, but by refusing to make arrangements to ensure his family is financially secure in the event of anything happening to him, he is also being shortsighted, and is making a mistake.

Let's say that everything in your family is going well. Everyone gets along with everyone, so you see no need for separate accommodation, or for separate finances. While this arrangement may work fine for you, have you given a thought to the future generation While you may never dream of squabbling over money with your brothers, would you want your children to squabble over money with their cousins Millions of family disputes over a business or property are pending in Indian courts, all because the earlier generation did not have the foresight to distribute their assets wisely.

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Name: andria
City:   mumbai
Comments:   No man has to stop looking after his parents or stop loving or visiting them but if you give your parents and family priority over your wife...then marriage is not for husband gives his family a priority over everything...He expects me to be accommodating and kind when we are with his family but has mood swings when we are with my family....If his family is brought up in any discussion he flares up and changes towards me...gets upset and won´t even look face for days...such men shouldn´t get married...nobody is asking them to stop loving and being there for their families...but he must realize his first priority is now with his wife and child..don´t get married and produce kids if you can´t make your wife and child your first priority.

Name: Sarita
City:   Hydrabad
Comments:   Hi everyone.i feel in tdays world u hv to be practical.i agree what boys r saying is are the girls.bcz each individual is different.girls hv no right to stop a guy from doing his responsiblity towards his parents.but boy should not force the girls to do the same.everyone have their own likes &dislike.ajj ke jamane me sab ko problem ha.more over there should be lot of understanding between the couple.husbands should nt think wife is their property.applog ek dusre ke sath marriage ki ha.dono taraf ke parents ke liya nahi.first is u people .then a days no one is sravan is a fact.i girk hv a freedom to choice.wh she wants .darana force karna ki app mera parents ko samalo .is nt practical.she might do it for u.but she will never respect them.if she dnt allow u to do ur responsiblity then she is nt worth.leave her.but dnt force her.she will never do.this is my opinion. A lady gives her whole life for u.but she will give the same for ur parents i doubt. Asa kar sakti toh bhagwan nahi girls let them do their responsiblity.but majbur ho ke karna.ya name sake ke liya.dnt do it.dil se jab tak nahi aya.

Name: diya
City:   delhi
Comments:   Mr. Amit. you are right from your side but we can not deny from all these issues what generally girls are facing. yes you are right parents brought up their kids and they have right to say anything but there anyone have no right to say badly and rudely and fight all the time and make issues with couple life. if members can not manage well in join family. it would be better husband wife live separately. now a days i am facing these kind of problems. when i got married i faced different culture but so much different from society.. hahahha i m really feel shy to tell these that my husband earn well so we can live our life happly but he earn and give his earning to his mom great son i appreciate but i appreciate more if she will use this money in right direction for all family members. what if she will not buy rashan monthly but after two or three days she goes market and buy sufficient food to eat why we are living labour life ? there is no budget i am seeing with her hand even when i was pregnant i found myself alone in hospital no husband no mother in law even that last night i was in pain and his family was watching me like audience and i m dying in pain result is i faced miss courage why ? while i was handling all chores work but even then i was facing today i m away from my home and living my life. even i said my husband to live freely without taking tension of mine. you are happy with your family go with them i can live my life. why ? because with those people i faced bitter experiences.

Name: Op
City:   Mumbai
Comments:   These things can be discussed openly before marriage. Even girl should meet future mother in law before marriage alone or along with her mother. This gives idea of how one can adjust. Boy should also openly ask how girl would behave when she will require people to help her when pregnant, lactating and raising baby if mother works full day. That time parents may be needed. There may be different conflicts as husband may not like wife´s parents raising or helping in staying to support child raising. Quitting matrimonial home for no justifiable reason can itself be a cruelty. And a normal behavior with trivial issues are also not cruelty by inlaws in Eyes of law. Excessive interference of wife´s parents can also be a reason to get divorce granted.

Name: Timothybype
City:   Spitak
Comments:   us sports market adibet football prediction football matches on tonight zcode system app nap

Name: satya
City:   bbsr
Comments:   boys should never separate from parents because they are roots of house, our next generation will do the same thing we do. so if we kick our parents out of house we also will be kicked by son. these things wife donot understand.

Name: vp
City:   karur
Comments:   I was astonished to see the comment put up by shal.... you think wives are the one who creates problem? if u r married pay attention to both of them one day and see yourself. if u r a person who thinks wives should adjust every rubbish the MIL speaks. you shouldnot get married at all. please understand wives are also a human being not juz a baby making machine. they are grown in trees.. they have their own self respect, feeling like ur sister and mother. i do agree not all MIL are monsters. if they shows love, we too show it... if they dont, we too dont have to. try to understand or dont speak at all. sorry for being rude to u.

Name: shal
City:   hyderabad
Comments:   Girls plz marry orfans if u like to stay seprately from ur in laws....dnt break familes n their relationships... Boys plzz leave ur wives bt not ur parents bcoz those oldones need u much dan ur younger wives

Name: shal
City:   hyderabad
Comments:   Being a grl i am feeling to see d attitude of all the married women towards their husband family....y dey dont think it as their family y dey think it as husbands family....y their huby should leave his parents and his own family for her..v r nothing without our parents,from our birth and v must be evrything for our parents till their death

Name: kavi
City:   chennai
Comments:   Hi all.. Even I prefer to stay seperately..I am married for 2 years.. My hubby s always a mom´s boy. He use to give all his earnings (though they r rich enf) n attention to his parents n brothers(2 younger bros),one s mard n another one is single. My mil acts like an innocent in front if my Husb n others but always insults criticizes me n my parents. She wants my Husb to give them all his Earnings n take care of his bro marg studies n everything .v have a 1 year old kid . my Husb n inlaws r not even ready to help out my delivery exps. After delivery I was at moms huz almost fr an year. Now oly I n my baby came back to stay wit my Husb who lives in Chennai fr job. But now in one week my mil is not ready to leave us alone happily. She sends her 3rd son n he found a job here n she´s also gonna come n stay wit us. Now d prob is she always find faults wit broinlw won´t even spend a paisa even fr his petrol n mil always spends too much on groceries n spend unwantedly( throws away food n fruits always,,waste a lot) Wr in v live a budget life( oly my hubby s working n I stay at home). If my Husb see my mil n his brothers he ll forget d whole world including me n start supporting them n spend lavishly. He ll not even consider me or cares me.I feel too bad that v don´t even have a savings of 10k till now. I feel hopeless. If I tell my hubby to let his bro stay with his frds or at least shares d exps, he s looking at me as if I´m greedy. He always won d arguments. Finally v end up with clashes. What did I ask him? A safe future fr our life .. For our kid ...dats it .. But he ignores everything n takes care of his parents n brothers alone . I feel so lost n tired . he´s not at al responsible. Al I want is v need to b happy independent n keep my son happy with no worries. But wirhout money even fr emergency I dono wr I´m going. Pls help me to sort out this problem n fund a solution... TIA...:)

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