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You are here Home > Love and Relationships > Articles

  Separating From In-Laws- by Editor

It is wonderful if children can look after their parents, but if this arrangement is not working, it's best to separate.

Most of us Indians take pride in the fact that our family ties are so strong. After all, we don't see the joint family system existing in many other cultures, do we Where else will we see families consisting of two brothers, their wives, their children, their parents and perhaps even a grandparent if not two, living in the same house Where will we find wives who wake up early morning, cook for their husbands and prepare their tiffins before they set off for work In which other culture do the old look after their young Truly, we Indians could teach the world a thing or two about happy families.
Or so we think.

While the joint family system can be great if it works, it rarely does. Animosity amongst sisters-in-law or amongst mothers and daughters in law is common, and this eventually leads to a break in the relationship amongst parents and their sons, or between brothers. Often, husbands are unaware of the seriousness of the problems faced by their wives when it comes to coping with in-laws. The blame may lie with either side. Not all mothers in law are evil, not all 'bahus' are angels.

While it is definitely nice if children can look after their parents, if this arrangement does not seem to be working, it is always better to separate. A husband should never compel his wife to live with her in-laws if they are having problems. Perhaps the mother in law is harassing his wife, or perhaps she is harassing her mother in law. Either way, it is best for all, if he starts working on arranging for separate accommodation.

Kamini had pleaded with her husband, Karan, for seven years to separate from her in-laws. Her pleas fell on deaf ears, and finally, taking matters into her own hand, she walked out of the house with her daughter. They did have alternate accommodation thankfully, and she started living in her new home. Though Karan was initially upset with her, one month later, he moved in with them. Now, though Kamini lives happily in her new home with her husband and daugher, she is still worried because the entire business and all their property is in the name of her in-laws. If something were to happen to Karan, where would Kamini and her daughter go He ignores her constant requests to put something down in their name, saying, Nothing will happen to me, you worry too much.

Karan typifies the husband whose priority is his work, and his home life takes a back seat. Not only is he being incredibly insensitive to his wife's genuine fears, but by refusing to make arrangements to ensure his family is financially secure in the event of anything happening to him, he is also being shortsighted, and is making a mistake.

Let's say that everything in your family is going well. Everyone gets along with everyone, so you see no need for separate accommodation, or for separate finances. While this arrangement may work fine for you, have you given a thought to the future generation While you may never dream of squabbling over money with your brothers, would you want your children to squabble over money with their cousins Millions of family disputes over a business or property are pending in Indian courts, all because the earlier generation did not have the foresight to distribute their assets wisely.

Feedback on article
Name: reader
City:   USA
Comments:   I always beleive in sons staying seperately from parents. Bcos down the lane there is bound to problems due to change in food patterns, habits, raising children etc. Today women being educated & earning have a sense of independence that was nonm-existent in earlier generations. So they do not take matters lying low from in-laws. Family disputes over money & even property are not new. It is better that a man getting married think wisely of all these issues and plan accordingly. There is no point in singing praises abt 'joint family' & all staying as one big happy family when people & times have chnaged. The sooner you stay seperate after marraige , the better. You can help each other in times of need but DIL & ILs are not forced to stay together & encroach on each other's lives every moment.


Name: deep
City:   canada
Comments:   i'm also in favour of living seperate from inlaws.bacause it's better for every one.


Name: Madhu
City:   UK
Comments:   Well,there is no harm if one has to live separately from the inlaws.There is a saying that"ABSENCE MAKES YOUR HEART GROW FONDER".SO,if living away from each other helps in maintaining the sweetness of a relationship then let it be rather than living together under one roof with feelings of hatred for each other. But by living separately doesn't mean that the responsibilities we have towards the inlaws or vice versa get over.........even if you stay apart,one should always be there for each other through all thick and thins.


Name: kumu
City:   ekm
Comments:   i thing that in laws should not be seperated from us.i want my mum n dad to stay with me,same way my hubbie also wants his parents to live with him.if our kids are doing the same thing to us on growing up,what will we doNULL


Name: anita jchheda
City:   Mumbai
Comments:   you should seprate from the inlaws becuase we cant give the time to our children, we can't concentrate to our children, always we are busy to household cores.if we are seprate then the relations are maintain.


Name: shashi rekha
City:   mysore
Comments:   well i got married 2 years ago.well my hubby is completely dependent on his parents.well our property is completely in the name of my motherinlaw.well the main problem is my sisterinlaw.well my hubby is only son and he has only one elder younger sister.well she is studyin engineer.well basically my family is dependent on agriculture.well my motherinlaw look after the agriculture lands .my helps her mom in work.well the real problem is my sisterinlaw commands me for every little work and tortures me.she is 2 years younger to me but still she commands and almost treat me like house maid.well this irritates me a lot.well the problem is i we get separate we r insecure outside.well my motherinlaw supports her what measures can i take to overcome this problem.


Name: simmy
City:   dubai
Comments:   I feel its better to separate after marrige as its no sense staying together n hearting each other, its better to stay seperately n respect each other....n live happily


Name: Sheetal
City:   Mumbai
Comments:   I want to say something to Shashi rekha at Mysore. Many women have to go from such problems. It is difficult to come out but not hard to achieve.God has appointed to you in this family. Do your work sincerely without any expections from anybody. In the morning do PRANAYAM regularly which will increase your mind power after somedays. Please note that it should be regularly.You can see on Astha Channel in the morning at 6.A.m. or in the night at 8.30 this will increase your mind power. Also hear SATSANG ON TV REGULARLY which will change your attitude towards life. Within few months u will see change in yourself.If possible read Bhagavat Geeta translated with meaning. This will defineately help u to come out. God bless u.


Name: Sonie
City:   Canada
Comments:   I think this is a very interesting article...i think it's the "traditional" idea that is hard for us to let go of...but instead of placing a focus on "how things used to be" i think it's important to know and figure out how love and respect can be maintained in your particular situation and be smart and act accordingly...u want everyone to be comfortable...and wherever they are happy...even if it means being least respect and affection will be saved!


Name: asha
City:   bangalore
Comments:   ifeel that one should stay seperate from in-laws once the son gets married. This is the best way to maintain healthy relations with them. In-laws are always finding faults. They can never accept a daughter-in-law as the member of the family. She will always remain an outsider. A Woman will always have to keep compromising in her in-laws house. She is never treated with respect. She is always the underdog of the family. Even a small mistake by her is seen as something big. The system of joint family is not practical. For true freedom and happiness, one should stay away from their in-laws. One can always visit them during and festivals and holidays. This way respect and affection will prevail .


Name: sheela
City:   USA
Comments:   I also favor staying separatly but my hubby things opposite. he being the only son is pampered by his mom and younger sister. ...pampered by praises and sweet talk . also they try to appreciate how close the entire family is, myself not included. they verbally have said this , even in front of guests. i came in this marriage with love and good hopes. my inlaws taught me what to expect from them with experiences. my hubby does not seem to understand my position right now. so its like facing the entire family sword alone. i am blessed with a kid and want to keep him out of this home politics. anyone having any suggestions i would be very thankful


Name: sunita
City:   mumbai
Comments:   This is a response to sheela. i too am facing the same problem as u are. it is one against 4. I too have faced a lot of problems from my in-laws esp my mother in law and sis-in-law (who is younger to me). They pretend to be so good in front of me yet there have been many instances that they show that I am bad that too in front of others and relatives. i have always faced a lot of discrimination from my mother-in-law who treats her daughter like a queen by pampering her and her child with all the goodies and when it comes to me and my child, we are given things which are not worth to be given. And when I make a noise at it, my hubby says that i do not appreciate thngs his mother gives or does for me. However he does not realise that she does or gives things which only are unwanted or not really required. I guess you better take a stand and move out. Your husband will definitely come with you esp if he cares for you and the child.


Name: geeta
City:   NE,USA
Comments:   Hi, My situation is something similar to Sheela. I have gone through a lot bcoz of MIL. weird part is both myself and my SIL are treated like unneeded. all she cares is her elder sister. I have applied a diplomatic strategy with her. i try my best to be extra careful interacting with her. she lives in shimoga, INDIA, distance helps a lot.i should mention, husbandji is still Mama's boy.i am more curious about my life and God's plans for me. take it lightly for my betterment. Good luck ladies with everything.


Name: sonia
City:   canada
Comments:   I like geeta's response.Girls have to be wise and instead of suffering should figure out how they can find a solution.The age old Indian thinking is suffering is fine for a woman,just adjust with anything.Ask others who have gone through things like this how they succeded in this.The more you keep giving the more they keep taking. Elders are good but both parents and children need their own privacy.


Name: monica
City:   NY,USA
Comments:   A little acting will help too.Be nice but firm.Dont let any take advantage of your niceness.When MILS and SILS keep on praising him,join them.Dont say anything bad about your husband infront of them.


Name: annonymous
City:   new york
Comments:   For MrNULL Shetal who is giving advise to Shashi Rekha above -- who are you to give her advise. She should be standing up for her rights and yes gaining mind power to be able to protect her self respect - and not take bad treatment from all !


Name: annonymous
City:   new york
Comments:   I agree that in-laws will never treat you equal. No matter how hard you try they always find mistakes in what you do or how you did things in the past. The fact remains that no two families can be equal in their priorities, day-to-day dealing etc. and they will never change for the d-in-law's sake but instead, expect her to change her ways. My in laws even sent a venom-ful letter pointing out that I threw the rice over my head as one of the Indian custom meaning I let go of my old house, family, customs, and have to change !! At 35 years of age and all. And regarding the Mama's boys out there, why don't we women educate the next generation that we are bringing up - our sons -- and make sure they are not the same to their women and treat them better. The mama's boys are such because other women like us weren't far sighted enough (leave it to hte women!). they probably faced the same issues with theri own in laws but still bring up their sons in the same mould . Time to change the world women!


Name: srivasta
City:   UK
Comments:   I have problem with my wife. Problem is my wife is jealous of my parents. She gives very hard time to my parents even though they are nice with her and never make any comment or command over her. It is very difficult for them to live with us even for a very short period of time. I really hate her behavior. My parents are very co-operative and I never seen my father and mother fighting or arguing. I do not know what is wrong with my wife. Even though I do not ask her anything she always fights with me for one or the another reason. I do not know what to do. I am living with her because we have a daughter. It is really very hard. For every trivial issues she fights. -srivasta


Name: lili
City:   ethiopia
Comments:   I belive that it is good to be away from inlaws. They will never treat you good unless you showed them,This is by being independet in anything from them and also by bulding self confidence but it is good to respect them since they are families of your sponce.However, even if i did't see one yet, I belive that there are good inlaws out there.


Name: Mili
City:   Mumbai
Comments:   especially where rearing of children is concerned... it can be very difficult to let ur in-laws know that their method is now outdated. i have such tough time because they are actually very nice people.. so i cannot bring myself to tell them for fear of hurting their feelings ... though on the inside i resent their way of handling my baby... what can i do... please send me ur suggestions


Name: raj
City:   new delhi
Comments:   I think i may be the only male to answer the article , but let me tell you all ladies that all hubys do understand the grimness of the situation , whether they are with their wife or parents , they understand what battle is going on at home front . I am also one of the sufferers Separation becomes really diificult for the only child I think we should give a breathing space to every body


Name: San
City:   new york
Comments:   My husband's brother's wife. She is very cunning. My husband knows exactly what I have gone through. my bro-in-law is equally manipulative. I tried my best to getalong with her. But I don't think it is working.


Name: Savvy
City:   USA
Comments:   I agree with you all. It is better to stay away from in-laws. No matter how hard you try to be a nice person they will never see through it. When my in-laws came to stay with me for 1 1/2 months they harassed me, tried to find faults with me and even pointed to my husband that I was a bad daughter-in-law. I think they wanted to stay in good books with their son but wanted my husband to harass me. They often taunted me openly. After a couple of days my husband realized the scenario and told them firmly that they were cruel to me. They were shocked that their son had supported me and hated me all the more. Now I think they will never talk to us but this could not be prevented. So you see staying away just works for either parties.


Name: K
City:   USA
Comments:   I totally agree that like alone with your spouse allows you and your husband to have a better relationship. I have lived with my mother in law for the past 4 years. Recently we just bought a house and decided to settle in first for a few months before his mom and brother moved in with us. Let me tell you that these past few months have been the best times of our marriage. We have privacy. We can snuggle on the sofa and watch tv. We can have friends over and enjoy ourselves. When we were lving with my husband's mother, things were always a compromise. She has her way of doing things. She loves to entertain so at any given time there could be several people over for dinner. Me and my husband could only talk alone when we were in our room. It is very difficult to live with in laws. Now she will live in our new house with us, and she will have to compromise. It shouldn't be that way. Because my father in law is not alive, we need to take care of her. However, she is perfectly capable of taking care of her self. She lives 10 minutes away. But because of our Indian culture, we need to take her in. She will no longer be able to entertain and call people over like she did, since it is my house. And she can no longer cook like she used to, because I am handling that. Therefore, she will be bored and there is no need for that. Ages ago this rule was made that the son's parents would live with the son and I beleive times need to change. In 2004 women all over the world work and come home and want peace. All I ask for is peace in my home and time with my husband.


Name: Deepa
City:   Bangalore
Comments:   Even I feel that it's better to stay away.In that case the relationship would be smooth and nice.


Name: K
City:   USA
Comments:   I think it is such a double standard in the Indian community. For example, whenever my in-laws (MIL and SIL) offend me or my husband in anyway, he will NEVER approach them and sort it out or stick up for me. He does not like to create waves and asks me to ignore it. But if I do anything to offend his mom (like not tell her what's for dinner) she tells him and he IMMEDIATELY tells me that what I did was wrong....Well very easy to make waves and confront your wife, but can't do that with your mom or sister right. Indian men are selfish and will NEVER be MAN enough to stand up to their family. I honestly believe that. They have the best of both worlds. It makes me sick. One day he will realize it, and it will be too late.


Name: taheja
City:   Usa
Comments:   I agree with K from USA. I think a liitle bit of differences will be there . But if the husband is understanding and man enough to stand up then it tmakes everyone happy . I think for that everyone should understand that none of us are perfect and I have seen some mother inlaws stand up for their daughter in laws and it makes the dotinlaw feel good at heart . But very rarely it happens . And I think its all because of us letting it happen and coz of spineless men who doent have their priorities straight.


Name: mahes
City:   sing
Comments:   I personally feel that living seperately from inlaws, would help to solve alot of unnecc problems from raising. Inlaws always have a way of invading into ur privacy..and to prevent such bitterness from seeping into your is much better to live alone..Visits are ok...but the main concentration should be to increase the love within the immediate hubby and children so that the marriage sustains.


Name: zoya
City:   florida
Comments:   hi zee i think u take things too much to heart Let go...if ur husband is serving his parents...let him...u also help out if u can, otherwise concentrate on something else wouldnt u like ur son to respect when u r old and tired when u r angry chant allahas name u also be nice to them when ur husband is around (and if possible always)and stop complaining love conquers all what u say with unkind and angry words can be simply solved by thinking what ur going to gain by being like the way u r I hope u find my advice useful.........


Name: zoya
City:   florida
Comments:   hi sashi rekha from mysore u said ur sil is studying eng. How many more years.5 years max after that she has to marry and settle so be patient and kind to her and even if she ill treats u...think of some humorous face in ur mind....may be ur sil having two buffalo horns and commandin....have a smile on ur lips and keep doing what she says...once she knows u r not getting worked up with her tantrums ...she will it is fun for her to see u getting angry with her...tackle her with diplomacy and patience Happy sis.....loving!!!! :-)


Name: zoya
City:   florida
Comments:   hi all sometimes it is not possible to stay apart so some tips i would give are keep cool think wht u gain by yelling at ur poor hubby or worry ursel to bad health ur moods will affect the children so be cheerful life is like that count ur blessings every problem has a solution choose a hobby go for walk or a temple think good and let the inner peace reflect on ur face it is difficult to achieve making 1 postive change a day helps i stay with my inlaws...earlier i used toget when they criticized me now i just remove any negative thought from my mind ...and think of something good they have done to me so give space and u will get ur space!!!! have fun life is like that!!!!!!!!!!


Name: victoria
City:   mechanicsville, md
Comments:   I am looking at everyones comments for help. I recently moved out of my home due to the stress and strain of having my inlaws living in my basement. I left and feel so un needed. I have a four year old daughter and I am changing my whole life around and no one seems to understand. I dont know what to do, my boyfriend will not tell them to go. He is letting me walk out the door and i feel they have won. He wants to date and I cant accept it. I am so resentfull i feel its not true love, HELP ME DO THE RIGHT THING


Name: bella
City:   Bellaham
Comments:   Hi Zee, Looks similar to the Situation I went through.... Being an apparently rich son earning tons in a foriegn country, Parents do feel they own everything of their sons... this is one aspect that has to be dealt with very tactfully. Asian Parents being the typical all-greedy inlaws should learn to let go of their sons once they become family men with their own responsisblilities. And also the sons should be able to cut the umbilical chords... Caring for parents is an responsible honorable thing ofcourse, but learning to recognize the fine line they cross when they encroach on the sons own family commitments is also important.... Well if the wife being on recieving end of a tight budget brings this up with her husband, she is branded the evil person standing in between what is "supposedly" rightfully the inlaws money..... isn't that a catch 20 situation????


Name: Somya
City:   USA
Comments:   For Sheela and others; One way I dealt with my in-laws when they came to stay with us (take over our home), was that I acted as if nothing had changed. My husband and I are very affectionate with each other. We always hold hands while watching TV, hug and kiss each other before leaving the house, etc. We did all of this in front of the in laws. The message they got was, "we are very much in love, very proud of our love, and nothing, not even in laws is going to stop it". I find that older Indians are not very comfortable seeing their son hold the hand of their bahu or hugging her. When they see it, they definetely get the message that "bibi is number one". Believe me, they will then feel afraid to criticise you in front of their son, seeing how important you are to him. Indian parents have to learn that once their sons grow up and get married, their wife is number one priority in his life. Why do Indian parents always try to keep their sons babies for whole lifeNULL My son and daughter are given same rights and responsibilites. I teach both of them how to cook, not just my daughter.


Name: Khusboo
City:   dallas
Comments:   I am in the same situation. I have been married for about 2 years and we want to move out but my father in law we should all live together as a one big happy family. Even though me and my sister in law never fought but still I wish we lived separatly. My husband and I have no privacy even in our rooms we have to whisper because my in-laws room is right by us. The other problem is my husband's sister are all married but always come down with kids. I am think about it already we are 8 of us in the house and they come along with their bratty kids. My mother in law also doesnt' treat me right. She likes my sister in law better. We have no business and we all work but still don't save anything. I can't wait till i move!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Please pray that we get to move real fast or i will kill someone...


Name: ruku
City:   mumbai
Comments:   I too personally feel that immediately after the marraige one should stay separate. I am staying with my inlaws, they are very nice people, though we have lots of difference of opinions, if i say i want the kitchen in a particular fashion, the reply will be why i think what is there is sufficient why waste money in unnecssary renovation, suppose want to purchase some gold again a discouraging statement invest in something wiser like a flat and rent it out, there will be income. I get very irritated i am earning, my hubs is earning very well but all this nakharas are of mils and fils are there. if i fall sick still i take a crocin and prefer to come to work rather then rest home. beco's if i rest, the comment is that however sick we were we use to do work adn not rest like u. Beco's i am taking care of ur kid u r working otherwise u would have been on the street. There are many comments, my sils both work but are staying alone but mil will always say see the sils they have no MIL like u, everything they have to do and go whereas for u it is a royallife, just go to work and come back. A major argument erupted that i shall do all the household chores of cooking and leave and i did so for almost 3 months but after seeing me manage everything jealousy vibes could be seen, she said that the food u cook is more, so much has to be thrown, sometimes salt is more, we can't have it anyway we are having it at 1.00 in the afternoon, it becomes cold so to consume it is difficult, does not go below the throat. Recently i told my hubs that we will have our own setup we can live the way we want,live the kid in creche adn things will work, but my hubs feels the attention what is being given by the mil and fil will never be given by the outsider, i too fully agree for that i said we will move out taking them too in a bigger flat, but they insist we cannot live this locality everything is good over her and we cannot adjust over there. In this circumstance what shoud i do. I have only one suggestion to the male breed pl, take an independ decision of house in teh begining of the marriage life, stay separte, so the spouse can get her space, she will be independent and can live happily instead of fighting for silly things. Think about we ladies, how we sacrifice our parents who too have brought us, in one stroke we live them and come adjust to all the things at mils house ,are ready to do the way they want. why can't a male person leave his parents and come. Now we are in a jetage and no longer in a conservative era where certain restrictions were there I do not know whether i will buy a house or not, but one thing is for sure that once my son grows up my son shall be leaving separately rigth from the beginning of the marriage day, i shall always want that my bahu should get lots of space in doing her own things. In fact always a helping hand will be provided to them by me. I shall see to it that i stay somewhere near (ofcoures not very near to) o my son, so that both of them can be of help in case of emergency or otherwise. Initial years of marraige should not be a trauma but beautiful phase. pl. reply to me regards, rukumi


Name: mk
City:   kolkata
Comments:   i loss my hair regularly atleast 100-150.give me some suggetion


Name: sanjana
City:   Mumbai
Comments:   for ruku, I fully agree with you that one should stay apart in the starting of the marriage itself. The interfearance of mil and fil our life is intolerable sometimes. I share a same story with ruku.. I am working but I cannot even buy a single thing without letting my mil and fil know about it. They control my finances and my husband is a still pampered little boy even after so many years of marriage. If i try to make some nice recipe and my husband likes it my mil is surely going to say that it does not taste like what she use to make. She can never encourage anyone but instead keep on filling her son's ear against the daughter in law. The in laws expects we dils to be very obedient but in return they want to be very cruel. Isn't it unfair NULL Don't we girls have right to live according to our will ? Why the husband cant separate from his parents and keeps on asking for some more time and advise the wife always to compromise.


Name: mary
City:   Athens
Comments:   This person is really a bas***d. He is calling all the other girls here a bitch but he should know that how much it takes to be a woman and that too suffer in silence and bear his hypocritic parents....So u better understand and not interfere in ladies matter.....


Name: heena
City:   delhi
Comments:   hey what is going on.....why a man has to interfere in women's problem....he is another insensitive bastard who does not know how much a wife loves her husband and that is why she wants him to protect her...and not just forget his responsibilities towards her....I think Mr sanjeev you better stop putting your comments on this board as this place is not for you....I think this person hates his wife and that is why calling bad names to all the women on this earth .....I wish he is soon eliminated from this earth....GET LOST !


Name: simone
City:   madrid
Comments:   sanjeev is an asshole.....yes ofcourse we have problems with the in laws because they are another sanjeev.....bastard


Name: ambar
City:   Australia
Comments:   I am so happy .my husband is so considerate that he has agreed to move from his parents ,in this way we can take care of them and also live our lives the way we had always dreamed of.I wish all the girls out there best luck to deal with the problems they face with the in laws. Please dont lose hope as it will soon end and happy days will be there, its no use staying under the same roof without any feelings.better to stay apart and let the love grow !


Name: Khushi
City:   USA
Comments:   Mr. Sanjeev, we will listen to you if you agree to live wit your in-laws (your wife's parents) for the rest of your life and care for them like you do for your own parents; cause you really love your wife and there are no problems, Right??


Name: Okaydudes
City:   michigan
Comments:   someone said about raising sons differently, hats off. My in laws have never lived me with me but have ruined my life. They keep asking money inspite of being well off. My hubby has given but still they make him feel guilty of not fulfilling their needs. Point is they are rich & really dont need any lumpsums, still they ask shamelessly and all the time. To top it all , my married SIL & her whole family live with them and they pay for all expenses. They gave her extravagant dowry .They develop strategies to ostracize son in some way or the other so he cannot get any of their money & devise strategies to extract from him. While we must give gifts as a token of love, I firmly beleive that rich people should not want ot take complete control of son's earnings. I would pray that the young girls like my daughter do get better married lives. Sanjeev, you know deep in yr heart what the problems are but superficially you are defying them. First of all learn to respect women, you never know how many daughters you will have. You have used bad words to my fellow sisters, hope there is not a day you will be concerend for yr beloved in a similar way. Cheers to all women folk and sincere prayers for the young girls


Name: Roopa
City:   USA
Comments:   Like most of the ladies, I am also extreamly tired of in-laws. I have suffered a lot because of SIL & inlaws during early days of marriage. They have incurred so much pain all these years mentally, even if i want to i cannot forget. My MIL is very nasty, she is tough,, talkative & outsmart me all the time. I don't speak much,coz first of all i am a very quiet shy person. secondly my culture & brought up says not to be very rude to elders. Thirdly i am not wily like them, i get nervous sometimes to talk back. Husbandji is as asusual was mama's boy intially, now even though he understands what's going on, he ignores it. I am very tired & depressed. I feel so lonely & left out. They play with kids very well. When they are here, kids don't come to me at all. I feel left out. I can't even tolerate them for even a single day visit. Coz everytime MIL make a comment or says something that hurts me. That bugs me for next several days since i am a hyper sensitive person. II don't know how to solve this problemNULLNULL


Name: shanu
City:   Pune
Comments:   They don't have hearts. Just ignore


Name: swati
City:   bangalore
Comments:   this article is good. i have had terrible experiences and i have learnt one thing "whatever happens, whatever they say keep your mouth shut...if you want your marriage to work" espevcially with a mamas boy. keep ignoring not that they are gonna change but you can change yourself


Name: Pat
City:   California
Comments:   I believe it is time for Indian in-laws to grow up, change their thinking. Why they believe they are their sonís responsibilitiesNULL Among their friends and family if in laws can stand up with ego that I am the powerful father in law or mother in law, why canít they stand up to be a man or a woman who are independent. They need daughter in law to take them doctors, to stores, to cook, to clean, and to fill up application forms. But same educated daughter in law canít cook or clean well; she doesnít know how to respect elders; her thoughts are not suited for our family values. After 10 years of my loyal service to in laws, I (daughter in law) have decided to not live with them. Please wish me Best of Luck. I donít know how it will happen, but I know it will.


Name: Sanjana
City:   mumbai
Comments:   Hi my friends, I am also one among you and keep reading this site and really feel bad for my friends like Roopa and Pat who are suffering...I want to give you both a friendly advise that please don't give into the wicked in laws wish and keep quiet . If you wait for things to happen it will never happen but you have to gather courage to make it happen. If you wait they will take away everything you have. Don't be in a habit to suffer as I also used to be one like Roopa and never speak up but until when NULL My in laws started to abuse my parents which was the limit. They think that no one in this world is better than themselves. And as Pat says they expected me to do everything from buying groceries to cleaning but still they can say that I am a girl with no good upbringing and no good values. And my husband also a mummy boy queitly used to tell me that he understands me but sometimes elders get angry to us and we got to endure . But I told him that I have heard that elders also have a big heart enough to love everyone but your parents never valued me. Girls you have not done any sin by being a girl and marrying this guy. I want you all to see the movie monster in law so that you will know how the daughter in law can also be equally smart if the mother in law tries to hurt her identity. As far as your husband is concerned I believe if he truly loves you then you should share every bit and part of your daily tortures even though he gets tired . Then a day will come when he himself will think of moving to another place. If not then you got to make him understand that there is no point in staying under the same roof and fighting forever. Make a distance from your in laws to let the love grow. Let your husband know that you are not your mother in law's enemy but she always ill treats you. Well please keep trying but don't chose to lead a miserable life as you all dont deserve to live like that. Best luck to all !


Name: seema
City:   delhi
Comments:   i and my fil(father in law) are close we had sex cause my husband is impotent im pregnant by him and had a son now im pregnant by bro in law many of u will feel ashamed of it but this are resourceful and all of u should try this


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