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Separating From In-Laws


-by Editor



It is wonderful if children can look after their parents, but if this arrangement is not working, it's best to separate.

Most of us Indians take pride in the fact that our family ties are so strong. After all, we don't see the joint family system existing in many other cultures, do we Where else will we see families consisting of two brothers, their wives, their children, their parents and perhaps even a grandparent if not two, living in the same house Where will we find wives who wake up early morning, cook for their husbands and prepare their tiffins before they set off for work In which other culture do the old look after their young Truly, we Indians could teach the world a thing or two about happy families.
Or so we think.

While the joint family system can be great if it works, it rarely does. Animosity amongst sisters-in-law or amongst mothers and daughters in law is common, and this eventually leads to a break in the relationship amongst parents and their sons, or between brothers. Often, husbands are unaware of the seriousness of the problems faced by their wives when it comes to coping with in-laws. The blame may lie with either side. Not all mothers in law are evil, not all 'bahus' are angels.

While it is definitely nice if children can look after their parents, if this arrangement does not seem to be working, it is always better to separate. A husband should never compel his wife to live with her in-laws if they are having problems. Perhaps the mother in law is harassing his wife, or perhaps she is harassing her mother in law. Either way, it is best for all, if he starts working on arranging for separate accommodation.

Kamini had pleaded with her husband, Karan, for seven years to separate from her in-laws. Her pleas fell on deaf ears, and finally, taking matters into her own hand, she walked out of the house with her daughter. They did have alternate accommodation thankfully, and she started living in her new home. Though Karan was initially upset with her, one month later, he moved in with them. Now, though Kamini lives happily in her new home with her husband and daugher, she is still worried because the entire business and all their property is in the name of her in-laws. If something were to happen to Karan, where would Kamini and her daughter go He ignores her constant requests to put something down in their name, saying, Nothing will happen to me, you worry too much.

Karan typifies the husband whose priority is his work, and his home life takes a back seat. Not only is he being incredibly insensitive to his wife's genuine fears, but by refusing to make arrangements to ensure his family is financially secure in the event of anything happening to him, he is also being shortsighted, and is making a mistake.

Let's say that everything in your family is going well. Everyone gets along with everyone, so you see no need for separate accommodation, or for separate finances. While this arrangement may work fine for you, have you given a thought to the future generation While you may never dream of squabbling over money with your brothers, would you want your children to squabble over money with their cousins Millions of family disputes over a business or property are pending in Indian courts, all because the earlier generation did not have the foresight to distribute their assets wisely.


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Name: vp
City:   karur
Comments:   I was astonished to see the comment put up by shal.... you think wives are the one who creates problem? if u r married pay attention to both of them one day and see yourself. if u r a person who thinks wives should adjust every rubbish the MIL speaks. you shouldnot get married at all. please understand wives are also a human being not juz a baby making machine. they are grown in trees.. they have their own self respect, feeling like ur sister and mother. i do agree not all MIL are monsters. if they shows love, we too show it... if they dont, we too dont have to. try to understand or dont speak at all. sorry for being rude to u.

Name: shal
City:   hyderabad
Comments:   Girls plz marry orfans if u like to stay seprately from ur in laws....dnt break familes n their relationships... Boys plzz leave ur wives bt not ur parents bcoz those oldones need u much dan ur younger wives

Name: shal
City:   hyderabad
Comments:   Being a grl i am feeling to see d attitude of all the married women towards their husband family....y dey dont think it as their family y dey think it as husbands family....y their huby should leave his parents and his own family for her..v r nothing without our parents,from our birth and v must be evrything for our parents till their death

Name: kavi
City:   chennai
Comments:   Hi all.. Even I prefer to stay seperately..I am married for 2 years.. My hubby s always a mom´s boy. He use to give all his earnings (though they r rich enf) n attention to his parents n brothers(2 younger bros),one s mard n another one is single. My mil acts like an innocent in front if my Husb n others but always insults criticizes me n my parents. She wants my Husb to give them all his Earnings n take care of his bro marg studies n everything .v have a 1 year old kid . my Husb n inlaws r not even ready to help out my delivery exps. After delivery I was at moms huz almost fr an year. Now oly I n my baby came back to stay wit my Husb who lives in Chennai fr job. But now in one week my mil is not ready to leave us alone happily. She sends her 3rd son n he found a job here n she´s also gonna come n stay wit us. Now d prob is she always find faults wit me..my broinlw won´t even spend a paisa even fr his petrol n snacks.my mil always spends too much on groceries n spend unwantedly( throws away food n fruits always,,waste a lot) Wr in v live a budget life( oly my hubby s working n I stay at home). If my Husb see my mil n his brothers he ll forget d whole world including me n start supporting them n spend lavishly. He ll not even consider me or cares me.I feel too bad that v don´t even have a savings of 10k till now. I feel hopeless. If I tell my hubby to let his bro stay with his frds or at least shares d exps, he s looking at me as if I´m greedy. He always won d arguments. Finally v end up with clashes. What did I ask him? A safe future fr our life .. For our kid ...dats it .. But he ignores everything n takes care of his parents n brothers alone . I feel so lost n tired . he´s not at al responsible. Al I want is v need to b happy independent n keep my son happy with no worries. But wirhout money even fr emergency I dono wr I´m going. Pls help me to sort out this problem n fund a solution... TIA...:)

Name: kavi
City:   coimbatore
Comments:   Hi all.. Even I prefer to stay seperately..I am married for 2 years.. My hubby s always a mom´s boy. He use to give all his earnings (though they r rich enf) n attention to his parents n brothers(2 younger bros),one s mard n another one is single. My mil acts like an innocent in front if my Husb n others but always insults criticizes me n my parents. She wants my Husb to give them all his Earnings n take care of his bro marg studies n everything .v have a 1 year old kid . my Husb n inlaws r not even ready to help out my delivery exps. After delivery I was at moms huz almost fr an year. Now oly I n my baby came back to stay wit my Husb who lives in Chennai fr job. But now in one week my mil is not ready to leave us alone happily. She sends her 3rd son n he found a job here n she´s also gonna come n stay wit us. Now d prob is she always find faults wit me..my broinlw won´t even spend a paisa even fr his petrol n snacks.my mil always spends too much on groceries n spend unwantedly( throws away food n fruits always,,waste a lot) Wr in v live a budget life( oly my hubby s working n I stay at home). If my Husb see my mil n his brothers he ll forget d whole world including me n start supporting them n spend lavishly. He ll not even consider me or cares me.I feel too bad that v don´t even have a savings of 10k till now. I feel hopeless. If I tell my hubby to let his bro stay with his frds or at least shares d exps, he s looking at me as if I´m greedy. He always won d arguments. Finally v end up with clashes. What did I ask him? A safe future fr our life .. For our kid ...dats it .. But he ignores everything n takes care of his parents n brothers alone . I feel so lost n tired . he´s not at al responsible. Al I want is v need to b happy independent n keep my son happy with no worries. But wirhout money even fr emergency I dono wr I´m going. Pls help me to sort out this problem n fund a solution... TIA...:)

Name: amit
City:   mumbai
Comments:   i m a bachelor and am really stunned by the feedback of married girls with respect to mother in laws. you yourself come from some house and if you have a brother and her wife also treats your parents the way you are thinking of staying away then how will your parents feel. i feel the new age girl cannot digest freedom and independence which she was always craving for. todays girls want to behave just like bad boys. its just like they were waiting to take revenge from all the boys. what they want from day one is to own all the property of the in laws and kick the in laws out of the house. they want the husband to do all the household chores and just spend money shopping, gossiping, hanging around with male friends till late night etc. todays girls needs to change this dominating mentality. there are enough good husbands and in laws who treat their daughter in laws much better than they have treated their own daughter. but girls are in their own world and especially those with fake attitude calling them selves independent who ruin everyones lives. Imagine if a boy was to wed and come to your house would you have expected the boy to adjust or you would have kicked your parents out of the house? No doubt the rate of divorce is going up in india and in the world.

Name: Neha
City:   Delhi
Comments:   I hate my sil. She is 9 month youger than me bt she always irritate me n say aunty.

Name: Neha
City:   Delhi
Comments:   I hate my sil. She is 9 month youger than me bt she always irritate me n say aunty.

Name: 
City:  
Comments:   I hate my sil. She is 9 month youger than me bt she always irritate me n say aunty

Name: riya
City:   kolkata
Comments:   My husband is still obsessed with his parents.his mother is a serious nautanki and chides her son for me and then she backstabs me...her son thinks my mama is so good but my wife hates her.he always supports his mother and makes ne the bad one..i have tried commiting suicide but failed...i am very depressed..plz help..any suggestions are welcome

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