of the mothers are happy to be with child the whole day whereas some mothers
find it hard to focus 24 hours on a child. Read on to analyse your parenting
style and be the kind of mother YOUR child needs.
Meeta felt her mother was never really available as she was growing up. So Meeta promised her own baby she would be there for every milestone, every day after school and every stage play. She resigned from work and changed her whole life. But she found herself bored, irritated and cross all the time. She found she hated cooking, she hated being indoors all day and no matter how much she kept cleaning, the house was never as neat as she wanted it.
Setting up for disappointment
Some people adjust to a different pace of life easily while others feel trapped. Some children love having mother around all the time, to know she is waiting outside the school gate to pick them up. While others prefer the freedom of having a life and experiences separate from the mother. Some children respond better to a dictatorship with firm rules, while others require an explanation to every request.
Meeta's constant disappointment in herself, her frustration affected her husband and children too. Even though she did what she felt was right, her efforts in being a stay-at-home-mom failed miserably.
What she hadn't taken into consideration was that she and her children were specific people. Being the kind of parent you are not really meant to be is only counter productive.
What kind of a mom are you?
"We got a slap for any bad behaviour and we grew up OK. Why should I treat my children any different?"
"We grew up without any fancy toys and clothes. I want to give my children EVERYTHING we can afford"
You are the parent now and you get to decide what kind of parent you want to be. Being a parent does not depend on the kind of parents you had, or wished you had.
Here are a few kinds of parenting styles that may help you understand your own style, and understand the best fit with what your child needs.
Giving Orders- the authoritarian parent
Parents that use this style feel they must be in control all the time. Discipline is usually a form of reward and punishment. Children learn early to please their parents to gain a reward. Or they may rebel in reaction to the controlling methods.
Giving In- the permissive parent
Parents who adopt this style have concerns that their children will not like them if they set limits or they see themselves as their children's friend and not their parent who is there to guide and set limits.
Giving Choices- the democratic parent
The days of "Do what I say without question" are over. From an early age children can learn the consequences of their choices and that their decisions count. When children feel some ownership in their lives they are more cooperative.
What kind of a child do you have?
Children also have styles, or temperaments, which mesh with their parents' style, each affecting the other. Children in the same family often have different temperaments, and parents recognize the differences and to react differently to each child. For example, a parent would probably discourage impulsive behavior in the overly active child but encourage assertive behavior in the shy child.
It's the mix or the "goodness of fit" between parent and child that matters most.
Good parenting comes from parents who know who they are as individuals, what they want for their children, and who learn the ability to tailor themselves according to the needs of the family. They know their own strengths and weaknesses and know when to be Hitler, when to be teacher and when to be a friend. And how not to be all three, all together, all the time.