Uma shares her observations of today's mother's dependence on maids.
I am a proud mother of a bubbly 5 year old. I share the usual concerns all parents have. "Is she eating right?
Is the school right for her? Should she join any more extra-curricular
activities? How much TV viewing is right?" I too live and juggle between two worlds of work and home, between anxious parenting moments to worthwhile work victories. My support systems as I do this include a grandmother and a part-timer. But they remain precisely that - support systems - to support me, and not to take over from me. I guard my parenting
rights jealously. As I look around me, socialize when time permits,
with mothers of my daughter's classmates, neighbors, activity class
mothers, office colleagues, I am surprised to see how integral a role
maids now seem to play in parenting.
When we go to eat out, it is a usual sight to see maids in tow, taking
care of babies, while parents enjoy their culinary experience. Older
pesky children bordering on being ill-mannered brats are herded out to
play-areas if available, by the maid. Maids take the children to parks.
Maids and the indispensable driver drop and pick children from various
classes. One of my neighbors proudly told me about a governess she
found for her older 6-year-old. She makes sure she eats right, learns
the right manners and helps her with all her homework. What a perfect
situation!
Another friend, who delivered a bonnie baby girl recently, told me she
had got a second live-in maid from Kolkata. This is addition to the
existing one who is a live-in and another part-timer. On my asking her
why she needed another one, she replied as if it was obvious "I have 2
kids now, don't I?"
All this, when she does not intend to work (outside the home). In the
stairways and the parking area of the building where I live, maids or
drivers can be seen overseeing children learning to cycle or skate.
When I set up play-dates for my daughter (No, sadly I don't live in an
area where loads of children simply rush out in the evening to play
downstairs), mothers will discreetly ask if it was okay with me if the
maid sat in one corner while the kids played. After all, this is an
unsafe world.
I am left wondering, whatever happened to the willingness of parents to experience the joys (and pains) of parenting?
At the risk of not getting a moment to ourselves, my husband and I take
my daughter and sometimes her friends too on outings minus any maid.
Frustrating at times and tiring, I enjoy teaching my daughter and yes,
watching her do her homework. No, I don't get the maid to clear the
toys. She puts away her things herself. On play-date days, I do the
snacks myself. I make sure I get to pick her at school. The expression
when she rushes out of school, chatting with friends,
hair streaming, excitedly sharing her day is too good to miss. Recently
when we were entertaining at home, I asked one of my husband's friends
who had moved to Mumbai from Delhi "Are you settled in?" He replied
happily "Yes, all settled and maid-ed!"
Name:
Shobhna
Country: India
it is true that whether you have a part-time or a full-time maid, she is a blessing in disguise. i think mothers should be able to balance out the chores in a way that you are the prime person giving attention to your child because you are afterall the mother. like, i have seen that many parents send their children to the park with their maids and all the maids do is either chat with their friends or sometimes even eat from your childs snack box. the maids can never have the feeling and bonding which you have with your child. me and my husband we try and take our son to the park on weekends and i colour with him, i play with him and from time to time do different activities with him. being a mother is a big responsibility which we should be glad to shoulder.
Name:
deepa
Country: India
so, true.
even i had a full time maid when by daughter was a baby, with the same arrangements like mil and maid being a support system when i worked.
now, my daughter goes to the daycare and believe me, nothing better has worked out for me.
Name:
Asha Bhoumick
Country: U.A.E.
i totally agree with the author that over dependence on maids has become the norm. i live and work in dubai and trust me, working in dubai is no cake walk. however, i take immense pride in saying that i oversee all details of my six and a half year old son and take him along wherever we go. it is cumbersome and tiring but i would have it no other way.
Name:
Pr
Country: India
you are not quite wrong. but there are cases like me. i let me maid be for my baby only when i am in office. when i am there, i take care of kids.
another problem is with the grandparents today. they refuse to look after the kids so we need to outsource the task. my mom takes full care of her grandson so they have no maid. my mil refused same for my kids, she only supervises. so i hv to hv the maid.
what say??
Name:
jyoti
Country: India
if there is a supervisor like mil at home to supervise the maid, then it may work ok. but in case of leaving the child alone with the maid with nobody else around, i am not too sure how safe the child will be. it will work out only if the maid is very unreliable which is very rare.
Name:
meena
Country: India
this article glorifies maids. while i am not here to say that maids aren't needed, i definitely do not want to say they can pitch in so much for parents as the writer has written. maybe in mumbai, many maids are available. even my relatives in mumbai have a maid who does everything right from cooking to cleaning and attending to their child when she comes back from school. but i am sure many moms in bangalore would have had bad experiences with maids. here good maids are rare to see. just like the attrition rates in sw field being high, these maids too keep jumping to greener pastures and never stable or reliable.
Name:
Vidya
Country: India
yes, i totally agree with you. no maid can be a replacement for a mom. i have a parttime maid for my seven year old and shall have someone for the entire day since i am due in september, bvut, my maid will be a maid: following my instructions. she will look after the elder one while i attend to the younger and to the younger one while i spend time with the elder. i am a tution teacher by profession and find it amusing and bizzar that other parents who are teachers send their children for tutions elsewhere. i can never trust anyone with my child's studies, except my husband or mom, never a maid.
also, my seven year old does his own work around the maid. he has been taught to show me an absolutely clean plate after meals and put corriander leaves into the dustbin, himself, to mop up the floor when a glass of water spills and not leave it for the maid. i have often told him how they happen to be poor bdue to circumstances.
Name:
amritha
Country: India
oh so true ! i admit i myself do depend on a maid ( excused as i work out side too ) but it is a compromise ,i agree . i do make it a point to take her for a stroll every evening . & we have bonding time like an hour of play at home with dad & mom ,so we are just reducing our guilt of not being with her .
don't take it on the maids ,as not all of them i meet during my venture out in the evenings are demonic . some of them are really caring & infact shower more love on the kids ( hugs) than their respective parents who scream tat the kid will spoil their attire when they run to meet their parents after a whole day of segregation .( like how the apartheid began !!! ) .kids need a martin luther king now .
Name:
Canadian
Country: Canada
i have a question for all women with maids, part-time or full. if you are not working to earn an income and the maid does all the household chores, what are you doing with all that free time? you should invest time in your children. your child is a gift from god. treasure your child, love you child, take care of your child. the tables will soon turn when your child will be hiring a maid to take care of you in your oldage.
Name:
tan
Country: India
hey i am aparent of a 2 year old and do i love to do all the things and enjoy things with her .
i am a working mother so the time i get with her is the most precious to me . my entire universe revolves around her .
yes i am dependent on the maid , but not to take care of her but to get the other taks such as cooking , washing done so i can spend most fo time with ehr .
i luv her to the core and sometimes i wish i have had 2 clones so that i can be with her all the time :)
Name:
veena
Country: India
maids are maids. they can never be so good. it is just that working people tend to tell that their maids are good to themselves so as not to feel guilty about not taking of their babies themselves. that's all.
Name:
godu
Country: India
i have 2 maids but i dont find any problem with them ive3little kids a huge joint family lots of work do be done from morning to evening even some time i need some rest and space for myself but caniyes after hectic time when i nap or when i go out my maid take care of my kids very well which mother on this earth doesnt want to take care or love to strall her kids in the garden i feel its just extra help if u treat ur maid well they take care our children idont say they r every thing ) but offcourse they r extra innings
Name:
Vaidya
Country: India
i'm lucky to have mother-in-law taking care of my two year old son.to help her a maid is also there parttime. according to me elders at home can keep control on maid behavior and kids also learn good values from them.
Name:
Shree
Country: India
avery well written article. quite often thereis a debate why indian women-working or just housewives need a maid and their counterpart in the west can do without. the reason is simple. rarely indian male the wives. another reason is indian cooking is elaorate and women have to take help of maids. thanks to unemployment maids are available.but this situation may not last long.a good article
Name:
Aks
Country: India
very well written!!
Name:
Mohua
Country: India
i completely agree with uma the author of the article. i have a 8am-8pm maid. my dotter is 2 yrs 10 months now. but barring once when my dotter was 4 months (when we went for a child's birthday party) i have never tagged my maid along anywhere. yes, that would mean that i had to be alert and on my toes constantly but i didn't mind that.for play dates its best that the mothers sit in one room and chat and the kids play in another room.
Name:
rg
Country: India
hi all , i truly appreciate everyone's views , being a mother of a 4 yr old girl , i teach senior classes in school but once my daughter was born i realised it is better to resign right now before the whole maid issue crops up. after a break of three yrs i again start part time teaching about 10 months back but it does very strenous , if the part time maid doesnt turn up . yes i feel a child needs nurturing till 5 yrs but it is very tough to keep aside ur ambitions and even though i stayed at home for three yrs it was not the most pleasant experience , i hope someday my daughter realises the sacrifices i made for her
Name:
MNP
Country: India
i am a working woman in mumbai.i used to have a very reliable and loving maid from a village, and all the working women in our complex envied me. one day she had high fever and was diagonised with hiv. she chose to leave.
since than both my child nd myself were highly upset with each other and with life. i had a very trying time balancing kids, office and housework and the miad. i tried several 24 hr maids, but cud not get along with anyone. one had highty mighty attitude and was callous, the other gave my children skin disease and had her own priorities like watching t.v. eventually i decided to chuck my job. but the co wud not leave me. so now i have top servants to do the cooking and utensil,scrubbing and clothe washing. i look after the house and the kids (2) and do my work from home.
i found that the feeling of dependancy on maid was an obstacle in doing all the chores. now i manage things and set the priorities.
i think the child needs you atleast till she is 5, if u give ur time during this time, she will give it back in ur old age. i had lot of qualms leaving my job, but in the end i said, i can find and restart again, but when will i find the time with my kids? in india, it is a blessing thant woman looking after kids r not looked down.so take a break or work part time, out source housework to top servants but give ur time to ur kids.even if u have a loving maid, eventually its u who is the parent!
Name:
Mira
Country: India
observations made here are true. if you don't have a maid and haven't depended on one, you cannot understand why other mothres are so dependent on them. but once you start appreciating the luxury of a full-time maid, you can never 'downgrade' to part-time!!!
Name:
jyoti
Country: India
deepa,
u mean to say you are better off sending ur child to daycare than leaving with the maid.
i always have bad experiences with the maids. they can never fill in for u, how much ever little time u leave ur child with the maid. i know the maid eats the snacks saying my child asked for it. i know my child never likes sweets and all the sweets in the house keep disappearing. maybe a few of them who are lucky can get good maids. otherwise they are nothing but a pain and totally unreliable. yes, day care would be a better option as they are more than one person and there are other kids around.
