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Drugs, Alcohol and Smoking:are all parents like this??
Name: asdf qwer hii i did post this post in another board, but looks like more parents browse this board so i'm re posting it here. thank-you.


my dad keeps getting stricter and stricter day by day. just cuz i go out once in a while. ok when i hang out it will be kind of late like midnite, but i'm 20 comeon..(i live in U.S.A). i work, pay for my stuff (car, insurance, tution, books, food, gas, clothes and anything that i need) and still my dad's being a total dictator. hes got this new so called \";RULE\"; i'm only supopsed to go out once a month and when i do i'm supposed to be home by 10PM comeonn...

He takes life reall seriouss, dunno why. his concept - if you enjoy in life you are not goin to get nowhere. i'm the kind of person that wants to make sense for my life by enjoyin my life rahter than killin it and ignoring it, by boring it. i mean i do study and get good grades my G.P.A 2.9 (this quarter goin to be 3). just cuz i dont read out loud or make impress others that i dont study he think that i dont study.

he wants me to be Doctor (obviously, like any other indian parent; except hes all serious in my case). i dont really care for a doc. i want what i want to be. i wanna get bachelors in nursing and go from there, they make a good living too.

i dont know it just pisses me that its always his way and not even consider what i have to say... he wants to be the King in charge (which he can be i got no problem)...he pushing it too much to show his authority...its like hes demanding respect, rather than gaining it.

he says \";its for your own good and future\"; i mean comeon how am i goin to be happy by doin something that he wants me to do.

are all indian parents like this or just mine....just outta curiosity...any comments are appreciated.
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Name: DingDing
Subject:  RE:
I’d say 90% of all Brown parents are like yours. These folks are people who left good employment, family, land and all that is precious to them so that their children may have a better life and opportunities that they could never aspire to. They come to the Americas, taking whatever jobs, even the most menial, so that their offspring can go to university/college and have things they cannot even dream of. For our parents, education is the only door out and up. Their idea of the pinnacle of achievement is becoming a doctor or an engineer (accountants and lawyers are ok too). This is the only key to happiness in their mind. And for that we must understand them. With time and patience, they will learn that in the land of opportunities, there are many roads to success.

Having said that, I sympathize with your situation. It may seem that what your father is unreasonable and unfair by western standard. The curfew and the unquestioned authority would be harsh for kids raised here. Your friends probably live out on their own and are very independant. However, constantly butting heads and fighting with your father is probably not the best way to convince him to give you all the freedom you want. Show him that you are trustworthy by coming home at a reasonable time and calling him if you know you are going to be late. As for school, the initial courses for nursing and medecine are not very different. So you really won’t be going against him by taking the required biology courses in the first year. As time goes by, let him know that you are really happy that he’s so concerned for your welfare; also let your actions show that you are a very responsible adult who is in control of his life and is looking ahead a bright and successful future. Show him how nursing is a fullfilling career with chances for advancement. As for demanding respect, you are quite correct that it is earned rather than given; but as parents they have the right to be valued as more experienced adults. Earning respect is also a two-way street. So what have you done to earn theirs?

Finally here’s a little quote to keep your spirit strong and to encourage you to keep communicating (read communicating, not arguing/fighting) with your father:

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength but by perseverance.” - H. Jackson Brown
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Name: *THE BRAT*
Subject:  yes they are all the same.... to a degree
Look, I think it is great that you are actually paying your own way in this world. I think far too many people will put their hands out and take take take from their parents. You can not know how much it pleased me to know you cover the costs of your car & living expenses, tuition etc... I want to tell you just how great I think you are in being so responsible.

Parents are protective, over bearing and despite their crazy ideas on life and what their kids can do they honestly do have their childs very best intentions at heart. Parents dont really need to gain respect, they dont have to earn it... It is something you owe them unconditionally. Your dad sounds like a cat compared to mine but I still have respect for my father. Sure he failed at times but there is so much he did that I am sure I dont even realise and for that I am respectful. AND we only ever are blessed with one father so give him the credit due.

Now getting back to you, ugh how horrid is it when your feelings and thoughts dont even get a look in? It used to (and still does now that I am married) annoy me when I have to sit through the father knows best lectures. I feel for you there but if it is too tough maybe you should move out. As you said you are supporting yourself it wouldnt be too hard to find a room mate to share costs otherwise you might just have to leran to live with this complaint free if you choose to stay in HIS home because as is expected and deserving he will impliment HIS rules.

I see your dad wants you to study medicine and you'd like to study nursing... I wasn't clear on if you wanted to do medicine later and start with nursing now... If so I think it is a huge waste of money. Thats 2 lots of tution, and one degree will go to waste... See what i am saying? So make your choice now and stick to it. I pray your father gives his final approval and that you go on to have a happy and successful career.
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Name: a parent
Subject:  hmmm
I understand your problem. Its hard on children who have to go through this. But, let me first tell you that your dad would really want whats best for you. Only that his and your meaning of best differs. If you are getting good grades and have thought of what you want to do in life... then you can easily convince him that you will be happier if he lets you do certain things which you really want to do and because of that you will respect him more and hence obey him more too.
Just have a nice casual chat with him and let him know that all this strictness is doing no good to you and your relationship with him.
See, let me tell you another thing. In india it is a very hard living.. unless you really do well you have to struggle to even support your family. So, parents here want their children to be docs/engrs. But, since it is different in USA.. all types of jobs earn respect and money is enough.. so this mentality should change.. but it has now become part of our blood. Just talk to him calmly.. that will help.
Try to befreind you dad.
I also have a son and I know how important it is to trust each other. both sides need to make an effort. So you have to try too. Tell him to think like you.. and you try to think like him.
If you find it hard to talk to him face to face initially.. then start by writing a letter or an email. Show him you really want to be good son but not a dominated one.
all the best
take care
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Name: iman
Subject:  ...
i'mfourteen year old guy. live in the US and i totally see ur point. my parents are very \";independent\"; compared to many other Indian parents i know. this doesn't mean that they arent't strict, trust me, they are ; but they dont really pressure me into becoming a doctor or engineer(u kno what i mean). They are very very strict about my grades and expects me to get straight
A's. I know a some people that are exactly like ur father and i feel sorry for their kids. it must be really terrible to have someone who is always breathing down ur neck and expects u to be something u dont.Many parents dont realize that when they say that they \";want what's best for their children\"; its really just some dream of theirs that they never achieved.Many of them probably have careers that they regret now, but got into for the money or the \";respect\"; that they would get by pursuing it. I think this is what a lot of people who grew up in India have a problem with( i lived in india until i was nine), they care more about their \";prestige\"; and pride then their own hapiness. But, isn't being happy with what you have more important that trying to impress people around you? Always remember,
\";I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody\"; ~Bill Cosby [ very great guy ;-)]

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