Parents of Teens  Discussion Forum

" ...there has been no human society without implications of violence"

What exactly are you trying to say, man? Do you mean that violence is constructive in it role? Or are you trying to condone violence as inevitable?

haven´ t you read the article properly? see the third paragraph in the ´ dealing with it´ section. it says exactly what you´ re propounding here like a new idea. the root of violence is anger. it is anger that you must question to understand violence. and always remember, understanding is not the same as condoning. we miust understand terrorism. that doesnt mean we say ´ terrorism has always existed´ and wash our hands off that problem. that statement of yours really sucks. just because something exists everywhere doesnt make it right. murders have always happened. abuse has always happened. so are they right? disgusting notion.

Thaksin, what you say is right. but in my opinion, we need both. theories and philosophising as well as concrete solutions. neither can bring about reform on its own. but if you just sit and ask yourself about the whys and hows of violence, there are so many whose lives are being destroyed that very moment. we need to help them. take action. neither can be discounted.

I resent the implication that smoking and drinking parents cause violence in children we are a sober lot and each of us has our own pleasures the problem with such article is that they feel no compunction in depicting parents as ideal avatars rather than just ordinary people.

Well it´ s the truth. And the truth is always bitter. I have read numerous research and news reports with similar info as the article. Both pschology and sociology agree that parental influence is what determine´ s the child´ s nature and behaviour the most.

There is a boy in my class at college. His parents are divorced and his mother drinks. This boy, merely 17, is an alcoholic himself. he beats up his girlffriend and has been hauled up by the college authorities numerous times. now obviously his behaviour is not only due to his mother´ s habits. but it has played a role.

it is not about parents being ´ ideal´ or ´ perfect´ people. smoking and drinking are considered wrong universally. and the article just tells you another reason why. if fools like you wish to continue to be irresponsible, do so by all means. but don´ t have children please. there is no need to make others suffer for your ´ pleasures´ . Prerna, if you do not want the responsibilities that come with parenting, then don´ t take it on. but that´ s the way it works.

your solutions are sobering but the diagnosis is incorrect. I disagree about exposure to violence etc. I whink it' s a lack of meaning and purpose in life that drives people crazy structure and discipline a focus on life-long dreams and projects keeps one out of the mess.

Raman, i agree with you that a sense of purpose about life helps to abjure violence and basically develop a wholesome outlook in life.

HOWEVER, you cannot underplay the role played by exposure to violence in manifesting this behaviour in children.

Well the article was not about people in general. it was about teenagers in particular. in case you haven´ t noticed, teenagers are often enamoured by violence. and numerous studies have proven that visual stimuli influence thinking and action. but what you say is very valid. that is my life philosophy too. to have a purpose and be true to it. and you may have your ideas about solutions but the majoirty is what we have to be concerned with.

That was an excellent article. One of the factors mentioned - ' part of a gang or cult' is vry important. My son, 18, used to be very sweet as a child. He was always good at both academics and sports. But ever since he joined college, he has changed horribly. He has this really unsavoury group of friends who drink and smoke and stay out late all the time. We stopped his pocket money but then he started stealing money from the house. No amount of confrontation has helped. He has failed in his exams thrice and refuses to see a counsellor. We are devastated. We took him to a psychologist forcibly and he didn' t speak at all. I don' t know what to do.

Madam, may I pursude you to suggest that your son join the indian military for life and take up desh seva?
I it an excellent way to focus on meaningful things in life