Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Is it customary in Indian society for a married couple to live with the Husbands parents? Even in America?

Please advise. bzy replied. I just read your post and had to reply. I think Indian women need to stand up for their rights a bit more. Indian women are no longer what they used to be even 10 years ago. We can do almost everything our husbands do and in most cases do that and even more, yet when it comes to our own emotional rights we tend to let the men in our lives take the upper hand. I feel my husband and I have an equal partnership in our marriage. Therefore if situations tip in his favor (eg. his parents living with us), this would make me resentful and would hurt our marriage. I'm sure he would feel the same way if the tables were turned. I don't believe parents (husband's nor wife's) should live with you. When you get married, you leave the home you grew up in to make your own life and build your own family. This does not mean you don't love or respect your parents or him his parents anymore. You would still be there for them if they ever needed it. However parents of men in India and Indian men for that matter find it hard to break that umbilical cord with their parents. But, if we as women don't stand up against it, this will continue to happen. There cannot be more that 2 people in a marriage. In-laws will be the proverbial third spoke in the wheel. Its up to you whether you want to suffer through or do something about it. seema replied. I saw ur post after 5 years! But couldn't stop myself from replying.
You are saying that you don't want to live with ur inlaws? Tell me what will u feel if ur sister in law doesn't want to live ur parents? If she separates your brother with ur parents, how will u feel? juhi replied. please dont stay with ur inlaws its is the most horrible experirence,one has a lot of expectations & whatever said n done dil are never good enough for the in laws nayna replied. I think there is no word like customary which applies to it.I think this is only a man made law in our society where females have no values at all.I feel our parents who have brought us up with that much care as his parents have brought him up have the equal right to stay with us under all circumstances myniki replied. I totally agree with you! This is so hypocritical. its almost like one is supposed to forget the love and security given to us for the better part of our lives when we are married. Makes me mad!
I think someone who has spent sleepless nights taking care of us does have more right than anyone else! Seems to me a lot of people still believe that parents of girls are for giving and boys parents are for receiving. Im sure not in-laws behave like out-laws but many get into a very out-dated mode w.r.t their daughter-in-laws!

myniki replied. Oops! tina i didnt realise you had posted the original message. if you read my post below!
I guess its never customary,- but doing what is right and what also doesnt disrupt your life totally!
I guess if in-laws and their son & daughter-in-law are able to co-adjust its ok! Of course there could be minor friction but thats ok..But if this causes some biggie problems , than its something one has to think about. And of course other question is how dependent in-laws are i.e very old and alone etc etc... Manisha Parmar replied. I TOTALL AGREE WITH NAYNA. I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT IF WE WERE TO STAY OR TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF OUR PARENTS MAYBE THE ON GOING TROUBLES WITH MOTHER-IN-LAWS AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAWS WOULD NOT BE SO GREAT. AFTERALL, A DAUGHTER WILL ALWAYS BE A DAUGHTER BUT A SON IS ONLY A SON UNTIL HE IS MARRIED. A DAUGHTER IS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS AND UNDERSTANDS HER PARENTS NEEDS. vj replied. I feel it is good that either your husbands parents or your parents can stay with you. For me I feel the same attachment and affection for both my parents and my in laws. In fact I can understand my in laws better than my husband. If every daughter in law could understand her in laws and their insecurity in old age I think most of our elders will be more happy and our childern will learn good values in life. As my mom used to say our childrn observe us and when we become old our children will give us the same treatment to us. As you could see it is a chain of life which should tied with love and care and lot of understanding from both sides from the in laws side and as well as the son and daughter-in - laws side. It is a luck if my in laws could come and stay with us, all their valuable advice will only improve our family life and I strongly believe in the bond of love which my mother in law have given me all these years.