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Shy Kids:Problem getting ready to school
2005-01-11
Name: Mom_needing_advice Hello everyone,
I have a 5 yr old one and a 1 yr old little one. TO start with I am full time working mom and try to beat the traffic by going early to work. Also this gives me some extra time in the evening to pick-up the kids early and go home, cook..clean..etc.

Anyway, the problem is my 5 yr old one gets ready to go to school very slowly...when I say slow..very Slow....
To wake up taking extra minutes...I totally agree on that one. But after that to brush the teeth, to eat the break-fast, to get her hair combed...for everything as she takes more time I am running to work late obviously. So I have that tension all the time that I am going to office late and on top of everything I need to rush-up mu work to complete the tasks. I have talked to my child so politely ,trying to explain why should we get ready early and even nicely, with some bribings/prizes sometimes...Nothing works. Some days (rarely) I cross my patience level and get angry with my tension and I scream at her too....Then I feel very bad for doing that and I cry about it when I come to office. Please everybody, give me an advice. What am I doing wrong here. I would really appreciate any tips, advice to correct her behaviour. Thanks so much.
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2010-10-11
#1
Name: Amy
Subject:  difficult mornings
I too have a 5 year old who is SLOW to get ready for school. We start 40 minutes before the time we have to leave. He has to get his clothes on b4 he can watch cartoons. If he gets dressed, he can then watch tv and eat brkfst. However, of/on he still stays in bed/wont get dressed. We had made progress the last 2 weeks in not having any major fits/meltdowns (on his & my part). But today, it' s as if we' ve never done this. I put him in the car in his pj' s, with clothes in the car. Told him we would be getting dressed at school. He threw a major fit in the car. I have to say i lost my cool and forced him to get dressed in the car, after i spanked him. He and i were both crying on the way to school....I am at the end of my rope!!!I\" m new to posting messages/message boards. Have u had any good suggestions from others?
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2005-03-18
#2
Name: n.sivakumar
Subject:  problem getting ready to school
hello mam,

i am practicing homeopathy and bach flower therpy. i promise you will definetly be happy by taking bach flower remedies to your problem. visit any web site dealing with bach remedies. i can suggest Horn beam, Screlenthus, Walnut, Chestnutbud to your kid to change himself. try out and post your results. the dosage is very simple , 2 pills in each remedy 3 times a day any time before or after food, the pills are in the chewable form.
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2005-01-31
#3
Name: Mom_with_2_young_kids
Subject:  I think I can work this out!
Hi Nikhilesh,

Getting back to you after a while. Thanks for the compliments you have given regarding my little girl. Yes, she is very intelligent and we managed her, \";I want dad to pick me up from the school\";

We in fact did that in the last 2 weeks, like I dropped her at school and Dad picked her from the school while I picked my son. we did that 2 full weeks and today morning I heard, \";Mommy, I want you to drop me and pick me from the School , everyday!\";

I sure won't say that she had said that before to trick us. I think like you had mentioned in your reply, may be she wanted to show her daddy to her friends, That's all. So now, she is back to \";I want Mommy for that and this\"; again. Which is fine by me, as long as she wouldn't trouble me too much in the morning. Also we are following getting up an hour earlier than the kids wake-up time. But the funny thing happened on few days was, As soon as we get up from the tiny noises (shower..etc), My son too woke up around 5 a.m. and kept us busy!!

As per obeying the rules, I kind of started her on a reward program! She gets points for every good behaviour like \";brush her teeth without much troubling, eating her break-fast without being fussy and waste 50 minutes...\"; I give points 10,20..etc and I let her put the stickers 'Good job', 'No. 1', 'You did it!' ... and so on, on a Calendar for that day. She gets real thrill out of doing this. Also when the points for all her good behaviours totals up to 500, I buy her a new toy from her wish list. Hey, this really works and this way she is following the good habits - and for us less tension!. I know I am kind of forcing her to do everything, but it's for her good only and I feel good about it.

But are still facing some problems like she arguing back with loud voice, telling small lies to save her out of trouble..etc. But I am talking to her and letting her know that, what ever she does, I still love her and I always will. So she doesn't have to worry about telling me the truth. It's for your good only. And she seems to agree with these statements and trying to be honest these days.

Speaking of conveying her feelings, Oh yeah...she is very good in that. She talks a lot...Sometimes too much when you don't have time for that too. But I really encourage her to do so. Because when Kids talk to you and share things that's the most important thing you want to happen. I really want that behaviour of hers to continue in our life, and I encourage!

So, together I think we wil be less-tensioned soon, and will have 2 good kids!

Thanks for all your advice. Keep me posted if you have more to share.
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2005-01-13
#4
Name: Mom_needs_advice
Subject:  Thank you very much!
Hello Nikilesh,

Thank you very much for your quick yet very valuable reply/advice. I really appreciate that.
Coming back to the point, yes I am trying these days not to feel so much guilty about the whole thing, like hurrying in the morning hours.

Mu husband also gets up almost around the same time of me and we both kind of help our daughter side by side while we get ready, like I wake her up and bring her from the bed and my hubby help her to brush her teeth while I get ready a little. Then while I give her the break-fast and ask her eat, he gets ready a little.

Also simultaniously we have to take care of our 1 year old who waks up usually a 30-45 minutes after us.
Then when my daughter sits in front of the food but plays with some toy, my husband makes the baby a little ready, while I make some food for the baby.
This is how our morning routine looks and I never get to leave the house before 7:30 a.m. : (

The other thing which is happening is, some days if I tell my daughter that it's really late, you go with dad today, she says NO, and adds 'I want you to drop me mommy'.
This makes me/us think that she likes to be around mommy more time. (like you mentioned in your advice too.)
But she makes it hard to judge by saying some times in the evening that she want her daddy to pick her up from the school. - but she says this very rarely though - so it's not an issue here.

Anyway, to make it short, she just wants to play little games with us to test our patience, especially in the morning. Here I need to tell you something, my husband looses it very easily and gives her time out, NO T.V. for that day...etc.
Though I believe in discipling the child at their young age, I feel what if all these things won't work after a while. My worry is, these kind of pushing and hard punishments (for her as she likes to watch T.V.) shouldn't make her more adament.
Any suggestions on these behaviours, how to correct them............

What to do when the child does not obey you... 1. Ignore, 2. Repeat it with firm words, 3. Give time out 4. Talk to her softly and explain.
I have been doing 2 and 4 most of the times, and my hubby does 2 and 3.

But I really liked the idea of me waking up an hour before her/the kids. In fact I thought about it, but not able to...Got to admit the truth.
As in the evening also we have a lot to complete, house chores, cleaning, cooking...it gets pretty late when I go to bed and next day it's hard to get up early on all days.
Anyhow, this is the only thing I still have in my hands to try with patience.

Our biggest worry/tension is about my husband's carrier.
He is a consultant and he may start to do travelling job at any time in the next few months.... At that point, what will I do with these kids.......to get them ready for school/day-care.??!!!

Once again Thank you very much for you kind advice.
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2005-01-15
#5
Name: Nikhilesh
Subject:  Continuity
Hi Mom_needing_help,

First let me congratulate u. U seem to be rearing a very intelligent child. Why? bcoz she has already understood the nuances of behavior to get things done. Dont take me wrong but I really think she is intelligent and her energies need to be focused in the right things.

Now about wat to do when the child does not obey u? Obeying is something ur child or any child wud not like....its like setting up rules for someone without his consent. So i suggest that u sit with her and explain why is it important for her to help u. Give her responsibilities like making up her own bed when she wakes up. Saying a cheerful good morning to all and sundry. Setting up her break fast plate. Encourage her, show her how to do that, and appreciate in true words if she does anything on her own.
Also giving her diff admonishments - Hubby does 2 and 3 , u do 2 and 4; wont work. U and ur husband have to be consistent about what u do and say to her when she is not following the discussed rules. Children shud feel that their parents are consistent when it comes to discipline. Or less they find out how to break it.

1. Do not ignore anytime thats the worst thing for her as well as u

2. Giving time out is ok, but that shud not be too often, or else she will start feeling that she is in a jail

3. whenever she disobeys or shows indiscipline, hold her gently by holding her both hands, sit in front of her, look into her eyes and tell her wat she did was wrong, explain to her why it was wrong, be firm but not harsh. At the end of it tell her that watever she has done ur love for her has not diminished one bit.

About she insisting that u drop her to school and dad pick her up, I think it can be a case of other childrens' fathers coming to pick them up daily. She maybe feeling envious of them and wants to show them her papa. Find out from her school.

Another thing is not relaxing the rules set and agreed anytime. Like maybe u think she can stay up for some time on weekends, this in turns send a signal to her brain that ur rules are inconsistent and she can break them and get away with it.

How good is she with talking? Does she talk a lot? Does she express her views easily? If not then making her express her views in words will make life much easy for u.

For example, u dont even know wats going thru her mind when she is sitting in front of the food and playing with her doll. Maybe she is just replaying wat she is seeing at home - that is she watches u and ur hubby take care of ur young one and she also wants to do the same. Maybe u can tell her that the real way she can help raise the child is helping taking care of the baby. I know its difficult rite now but believe me u can build in activities like showing the baby how to dress u on her own, or showing the baby that eating food fully is wat makes a good girl....etc

I hope u and ur husband are getting enuff time for urselves, though thats one sacrifice one has to make when raising 2 young kids.

rgds,
Nikhilesh
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2005-01-12
#6
Name: Nikhilesh
Subject:  problem getting ready for school
Hi Mom_needing_advice,

Are u a single mother? Most working mothers face the same kind of problems u face in some way or the other?

I dont have any expert advice for u, being an unmarried male. But my work entails me to interact with parents and kids.

The most important thing would be to not feel guilty about rushing through the morning or asking your child to hurry up. I think you should not blame yourself, because this inturn might cause u to be overly protective or overtly guilty about not being able to give ur child ur required attention.

The 2nd task is to pace up ur morning hours according to the childs' morning hours.

Lets say u have to leave ur house by 7 in the morning, for doing the things outlined by you u at least need 2 hours? That means u have to be up by 5 AM and ur child by 6AM. U wud think that this is an unearthily advice but believe me it helps. I have seen and heard a lot of parents doing the same.

To get up early she needs to sleep early, now this is a habit u need to inculcate. Maybe she is watching TV or staying up late in the night. She is 5 years old, 8 hours of sleep is more than enough for her unless she is doing extensive physical activity apart from school. Maybe u can cut down on the afternoon nap she is having after she comes back from the school.

Now about waking up, dont make it a ritual wherin she gets up whining and half sleepy,get her out of the bed smiling and chirpy.

try and device a game for all activities. Dont try and do all activities simulataneously, maybe ur child is slowing up things bcoz she needs ur attention to it. So maybe u will have to finish all other work before u wake her up. Then once once wake her up, devote ur entire attention to her. WhenI mean attention, I mean let her do things on her own, only help where needs help, but praise when she does a activity as u have shown her. That will increase her confidence and also increase her self esteem, also she will feel she has ur complete attention.
make a game out of evreything, u will surprised how effectively children respond to even the most boring activities when they are made up into games.
Bribing and prizes will not work for ur child, bcoz i get the feel that she is desperate for ur attention and feels that u now love her less.
This might be feeling bcoz u have to also devote ur time to ur 1 yr old apart from office and husband. She is feeling more and more drawn away from u and the more she feels so the more she will try and catch up on u and ur time with her. In her case she gets the most of ur attention and u get all fussed about her in the mornings when she is doing things slow. Reflect if this is it the issue.

Also one important thing is what ur husband is doing when u are handling all this,bringing up children is not ur responsibility alone. he has to contribute his share of energy and time. If he can share that nothing like it.

rgds
CHAMP
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2006-12-11
#7
Name: Shailaja
Subject:  Work involving parenting
Hi there,

Just curious to know what kind of work do you do? Your sugggestions are valuable and I wonder if you are a child psychologist or something??

Regards

Shailaja
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