Adoption can be a wonderful thing.
On the one hand, you have orphaned children; on the other, you have infertile
couples who long for a child. The needs of both the child and the prospective
parents can be fulfilled through adoption. This marks the beginning of
a relationship where needs are met beautifully like a key turning in a
lock. It is not just childless couples that go in for adoption. Some couples
feel that they would like to offer a secure and loving home to an orphan.
Others may want a child of a particular sex, or they may be too old to
have a child, or a biologicalchild may have a high risk of having genetic
problems. Single parents also have the option to adopt.
Somebody else's
genes
However, adoption is not an easy
decision to make. It is very important that both the husband and the wife
should want to adopt. People can be very hesitant about adoption because
they are not sure about the child's genetic inheritance. Such people feel
secure in the fact that it is their genes that have been passed on to the
child so they are not going to be confronted with nasty surprises. And
always at the backs of their minds runs the thought - what kind of people
were the child's parents?
Couples considering adoption should
remember that whether one has a biological or an adoptive child, children
are unpredictable creatures. Just because a child carries its parents'
genes does not necessarily make it superior in any way. Both heredity and
environment work in tandem to shape the development of a child. Adoptive parents often have more control over the variables in the sense that they
choose when to adopt, the sex of the child and they can check whether the
child is physically and mentally normal before they take a final decision.
Biological parents do not have this luxury.
I want my real
mummy
Another major fear that plagues adoptive
parents is that the child may want to seek out its biological parents when
he becomes older. What if the child cannot get over his abandonment by
his biological parent? Prospective adoptive parents are always apprehensive
that this sense of abandonment may be so strong that the child may never
be fully able to reconcile himself to the fact that they are his parents
no matter what they do. This may also lead to the child wanting to seek
out his biological parents when he becomes older.
What is the procedure?
Adoption can be a long drawn-out
and frustrating process with red tape at every turn. There is a lot of
paperwork involved. Once the couple has registered with an adoption agency,
they have to submit a number of documents. The social worker attached to
the agency will have to be satisfied that the couple will provide the child
a good home. This will involve home visits by the social worker, joint
and individual interviews with the couple, etc. Couples may have to wait
quite a while before the baby actually comes home. This can take as long
as three to six months or longer.
Once the agency has found a compatible
child, the adoptive parents will be provided with the birth history, social
background and medical profile of the child. The natural mother's identity
is kept confidential according to the law. The prospective parents can
have the child examined by a paediatrician to eliminate the possibility
of congenital abnormalities and to make sure that the child's mental and
physical development is normal. If the prospective parents feel that the
child does not meet their expectations, they are free to refuse the opportunity
to adopt. However, the agency may take several consecutive refusals as
a sign that the couple is uncertain or not ready for adoption. Once the
couple has made a final decision, they will have to approach a lawyer to
file the relevant papers in court. The court decree marks the end of the
adoption procedure and the beginning of a long and wonderful relationship.
Name:
HAMSAPRIYA,
Country: India
i would like to share the message that i adopted a child 12 years back and my life has neve rbeen the same again . it has been agreat joy ride with lots of fulfilment and bliss. one has to go through the experience to feel it . not all hte word in the dictionary can come to my help to convey my feelings . so, parents ,there is nothing in th e world which is worth being considered to the joy of holding child in your hands
Name:
LB,
Country: U.S.A.
i do not believe that the child will cry out for "real mummy" unless she does not feel belonging with her parents and family. also, if adoptive parents are always talking about "the birthmother" and "grieving the loss," etc., the child will come to feel there must be something missing in her life. i think parents should be sensitive to the child's feelings about adoption as they come up without trying to impose preconceived ideas of what she will think or feel.
Name:
Nihira,
Country: Japan
i would like to take the opportunity to adress two isuue discussed in the article - 1 some one els's genes - i believe that a child natural or adopted is an individual with a set of feelings , hopes and experiences and builds this up as it grows up . as parents we can provide the conduciveness for this to occur.
i want my real mommy. i must mention here my experiences . i have an 18year old son i adopted as a day old baby . from the moment i first held him , that feeling of motherhood came over me and it has not left me since . when i told my son he was adopted at the age of 10 - which was a bit too late theory says , he said no and could not accept it . it took him a few months to accept it and it was a process of psychological and physical trial. but when i aksd him if he would want to know who his real mommy was he said i know its you ! he is 18 now and what he tells me is that mother who gave birth is not what matters . at the end nurture is greater than nature
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