Relationships  Discussion Forum

Why is a newly wed bride supposed to give her jewels to her mother inlaw post marriage?

It includes jewels gifted from sasural,from girl' s own family,from relatives of both sides,etc.

Why can' t the bride keep them with herself?

if she asks for all these jewels from the mother inlaw,it' s usually taken as an insult!

So to maintain harmony,the bride has to keep quiet and not demand them anymore.She' s allowed to wear them on certain occasions like marriage functions,but after the function,these will go back in the mother inlaw' s custody again!

It' s her streedhan now.So it' s her right to decide where to keep them,even if it means keeping with her own mother .

I' m asking because usually when a marriage is headed for divorce most inlaws dont return the jewels.So it' s a v.sad situation.

Can anyone suggest ways to a newly wed bride as to how to claim all these jewels from her inlaws smartly,without any fights in the house occurring as a result of this demand?



Thanks

PS-It' s no use asking the husband to help,as they too feel their parents are being \" disrescted\" if jewels are demanded..moreover husbands cant open their mouths b4 parents. KyaKare replied. On the very second day of my marriage, all jewelry(my parents and in laws both) was taken from me and kept in my MIL locker. After that day, even on functions, i dont get jewelry to wear :). At one time, she plainly said "i cant go to locker, i get tired, wear artificial ones. Dont ask for this in future too. Wear artificial". But when my parents or even my daily use items has to be kept in safe custody as suggested by my husband she is more than ready to go to locker and keep it there and never let me see it again. and then my husband says "we got all jewelry of your choice". I dont understand how does that matter if i would never get to wear it , not even in functions. This bothers me , but what can i do? My husband always evades the idea of my own locker. My in-laws make me feel pity on myself though i am earning equivalent to my husband but still my MIL says "Beta, tumhare ma-baap ne tumhe humare adheen kar diya hai, jaise rakhte hai waise raho" and she says all this with sweet candy in her mouth. If i get some cook in home , she just feed his sons brain that get the maid out as soon as possible , isse kisliye leke aye hai..i feel bad on my destiny. Jahanavi replied. forget that jewellery. open a locker in your name. constantly nag about you having no jewellery & make your husband buy you new jewellery. when his pocket will have holes he will talk to his parents. Secra replied. Dear Shweta,

First of all, a big LOL for your PS comment :-)

Coming to the serious stuff...you' re absolutely correct when you say that the jewelery is streedhan and hence is the property of daughter in law. This practice of giving the jewelery to mother in law is very old and has the following thoughts behind it.
1) As an elder, it was considered a mark of respect & trust to offer all your valuable for safekeeping to your elders. However, in those times, the families were joint and hence there was no inconvenience to anyone, since the jewelery could be taken and returned at any time.Since, there were no lockers at that time, it was also a better option.
2)When a lady weds her son, she gets another lady in the house, as her daughter in law. This generates immense amount of insecurity, since she now has to share the role of being the lady of the house. Thus, the daughter in law was encouraged to give her valuables to her mother in law as a mark of respect and recognition that she still remains the lady of the house. You have to understand, as a lady, her life and kingdom was the house and her position in the house supreme but after her son' s marriage, a new member of the family has to show that she too understands the position of her MIL and accepts it.

This all is in or at least used to be, in very good taste and harmony for the family.
However, with the changing times, we have failed to evolve our customs and still adhere to old ones, despite there being no logic. With nuclear families now, all this only causes inconvenience and stress. I am not aware of your entire situation...like how old is your marriage, do you live with your in-laws or separately etc etc, hence will not be able to give specific suggestion to your query but have two basic thoughts to offer:

1)Try and see if you can look at this from the perceptive of your MIL, keeping in mind what i explained earlier about her position. If you can, it' ll give you a sense of great satisfaction that you have chosen to let it be with her for her mental peace and security.

2) if that is not possible, then there is nothing that works better than intelligent talk. Next time you meet with her, generally bring up the topic of jewelery saying you had to miss out on a function since it was on short notice and you didn' t want to go w/o your jewelery but its ok...don' t push it and 8 times out of 10 you' ll get some kind of a response from your MIL...some justification of the jewelery being with her. Let it pass...then bring it up again later, to say that, maybe it is a good idea to start keeping some light jewelry handy, for such situations. When you say this, be polite but very confident and positive. If she does not offer, ask her if you can take a few pieces for such situations...and stick to that.

There is nothing that works better than simple and forthright conversation. This needs to happen in you husbands presence or else it' ll get distorted by the time it reaches him.

Do let me know how does it work out...All the best !!!

warm Regards

Secra