Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I have been reading your posts and now iam in the same situation like many others. My mil and fil came to visit us in usa for 4 months and it was a hell. She tried to instigate me but i controlled myself but i could not take any more when she tried to control my daughter thru my husband. I have been married for 9 years and have been tolerating her without saying a word to her till now. But this time i gave her back. and so as DH got upset and we had fights and he is not talking to me. He verbally abused me in front of them and after they left it was physical. I cannot take this anyone. I am planning to walk out of this marriage but do to some reasons holding back. Donno if I am doing the right thing. My concious says Yes walk out but my circumstances say NO. I have two kids (6yr old daughter and 11 month old Son) also I have arthritis and its tough. I have 5 yrs of US work experience in software development, but due to not haveing a work permit I am not able to work. I am planning to go to hyderabd India but my question is will I be able to find a job in IT with a 5 yr break and how will i be able to take care of my two kids by myself. If I walk out i know for sure my husband will not stop me nor will he consider taking us back. I feel misrable. Pl help. Secra replied. Dear Mita,
I feel sad when i read situations like these where a lady has given everything to her marriage and yet faces the prospect of living alone with kids.
First of all, try and detach yourself from the situation and look at the problem core of the problem, without getting emotional. This will help you to look at the situation objectively.
From the looks of it, the problem or the core of it is not between the two of you, it is your MIL' s behavior and your husband' s reactions after that. Your life prior to her coming to US was fine, right? If that is so, then why would you want to throw it away because of someone who is not even staying with you? Shae is back in India, you are where you belong, in your family. The best way to repair the damage is to try and speak to your husband without starting a blame game. Tell him, why did you do or say whatever you did.Ask him to look at the situation from your perspective but before that look at him from his...if he abused you verbally in their presence and physically later, it is certainly not ok...but has this happened before? has physically abused you before, if not, then maybe, you should give this marriage another chance. Do not by any means condone the abuse of any kind but also recognize the fact that it was caused due to a third person who is not a permanent member of your immediate family.There are times when it is important to look at the cause of the problem than the problem itself.
However, If you decide to end this, even then why walk out. Do it with dignity and tell him that you want to part ways. Let him know you intend to go back to India and get a job. Make very specific arrangements for him to support the upbringing of your children. He is equally responsible. Get things done legally and documented.
As far as getting job in India is concerned, I am sure it won' t be a problem. Use this forum again to let me know when that stage comes and we' ll se what can be done to help !!!

Whatever you do, do it with a non emotional state of mind, with grace and dignity & most important of all, be patient when you' re taking such life altering decisions for you and your kids.

All the best !!!

Regards

Secra ABC replied. Dear Mita, I am sorry to know of the anguish you have gone thru. Have your in laws returned to India. You would get a job dont worry about that... . Caring for kids on your own is tough , but can be handled.I hope time heals your wounds. Probably the best way is to have a trade off between what your will says and what situation demands- perhaps continue staying in US , take up a job and be emotionally and financially independant of your husband