Relationships  Discussion Forum

Few yrs back my SIl severed all ties with us (my mother and unmarried younger brother and me) i was just married then. Our house and business all was now with elder brother and his wife. Circumstance were such that we could not do much but give away everything and move on. We accepted that as our bad karma and moved on.I went through alot during those years because being newly married i had a duty towards my husband and on the other hand i had to support my mother.So i went through lot of stress because i could not tell my problems to anyone not even my mom simply because my mom is very old and suffering from hypertension. I am lucky that inspite of all the odds i could save my marraige.Now after so many years my Sil has decided to come back in our lives.I must add here that my elder brother did keep some touch with us during these years but we had never spoken or seen our Sil during this period.Though my elder brother is a very nice human being but is helpless in front of his wife because she often threathned him with dire consequence if he ever contacted us. So now that his wife is ready to communicate with us my brother is very happy at the thought of all us being a family again but i am not really happy. My mother though has to still stay separately with my younger brother , is happy in being able to see her elder son and his kids regularly( I can understand her emotions and am happy for her) but i am really not very happy. Going back to the house as a guest seems so overwhelming. I mean its not just a house its a house were i was born and lived till i got married, i mean there are so many emotions attached.Also now i have to go there knowing that its my brothers house. I am so confused, i mean how do i go there and behave normally also the circumstance that led to all these start haunting me. I am worried as to whats going on my Sil' s mind.If she had really changed she should have taken my mother back in the house(because she is staying in a rented house). Also she is still the ruling one in the relationship with my brother.She know we all are a emotionally attached family and we will do anything for each other, so she makes sure my brother pressurrises me in particular to call her and give her importance on all imp ocasions like birthdays, diwali and so on.I am really stressed out, i mean i love my brother but his wife is someone i am really not attached to. I am happy being away from all her drama' s and leading a peaceful life with my family.I know u' ll might suggest me not to talk to them but my problem is my own mother who is very clear if i don' t unite with them then even she will not talk to them.I am in a fix, i want the mother and son to remain in touch especailly when she misses him soo much.What do i do and how do i handle my sil who is a manipulative person and finds pleasure only in creating misery in other peoples life. Priya replied. Hi Aura,
Its a very difficult decision knowing the true nature of your sister in law.I believe there is a reason that all of a sudden she decides to be back in your life.definitely not a genuine one that she cares for you people.She has nothing to loose if she hurts you and your family again and decides to move on and she can do that ..If she would have changed and felt bad for what she has done , she would have taken your mother back .These kind of manipulative people are always trying to make your life miserable and will never change.Please don' t keep any hopes on her and make yourself vulnerable.
You should talk to your mother and make her understand that it is very difficult for you to forgot everything and move on .Your mother can go ahead and meet her son and his family .Let mother and son unite.tell your mother it is emotionally very bad for you to be in relation with your sil who will always try to make you sad and maipulate you.
With your brother , if he calls you and ask you to wish his wife on birthdays , diwali and give her importance , just don' t do that.Your sil is just taking undue advantage of your love for your brother and enjoying the show.Don' t call her .Make some excuse , just dont call her.Don' t think that your brother will feel bad and if he let him be.You should be strong and firm for yourself.
Just stay away from this drama queen .She will just enjoy creating scenes and drama and it will be very taxing for yourself.So be peaceful and happy in your life.
Talk to your mother and try your best to make her understand your point.
Hope things turn out well for you. mangu replied. neglect her