Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,my initial years of marriage was spent with inlaws.(awfull years almost 5yrs every thing i do was pointed as a mistake)i suffered a lot there.sis in law used to stay down portion.hellshe was.luckly my husband got job overseas.i accompanied him iam staying here for past 5years.from day 1 after we moved abroad my inlaws are forcing my husband to come back as my husband is only son (my sis in law is =to 10 sons as she is elder to my husband she dominates him and interfere in all family matters)she once told me i can separate me and my husband if she wishes to do.my inlaws take the support of her in every trivial family matters.she is not staying with her inlaws.now my problem is every time my husband is ringing they are emotionally threating him if we r not going to come back they will join old age home.i want to stay here for some more years.because of this tension is building in the house this is effecting my son at this time of recession i feel he will get a good job or not.when ever he talks with his parents he gets emotional and scolds for no reasons. last day he told me u did not bring enough dowry.you look so rude.every time he scolds me.i do all the house work here.but no appreciation.because of freqent fights my son is getting affaected. even i want to come back but thinking of the horrible days i spent with inlaws&sis inlaw fly.i dont feel like going back.my husband decided that we have to move back within 6 months time.one side my inlaws tension other side my husband tension is killing me. i feel suscidal when he scolds.he is attached with my son.not that he scolds every time some time he is caring &loving.i also understand his situation.actually when we stayed with inlaws they only asked us to leave their home.now when we r about to settle down they are forcing us to come back.now a days i feel so tensed up no peace in the house.please suggest what i have to do iam feeling so low as i and my husband had big fight yesterday.please help me.please give me valuable advise.my inlaws r not ready to stay in my sis in law house.that possibility is ruled out.pls help me out of this situation. prada replied. Obviously all our attempts lash back in front of ILS.I' ve faced innumerable situations like that althrough.I get close to my husband,explain him what hurts and what pleases,and he' s a total reincarnation when alone but when his family appears in the scene,he' s like what' s your problem?When we visit our ILS,I' ll be a full time cook there and my husband....happily moves around his family members.
The only thing we can and should do is give ourself some space and leave him to ILS mercy.Keep a pack of really good books for free time or try writing a dairy(it' s really a good idea),and create your own world ,so that when anybody is around send ' do not disturb' signals.Just ignore your husband,he' ll go and come back to you.
A husband always tries to put mother on top and wife bottom,if he does' nt do that he' ll be emotionally black-mailed by his family ,saying ' now your wife and child are evrything for you.Gone are the days when sons never used to forget the hardships their parents faced for them' .No one wants such comments and so men feel I can manage my wife,but my mother don' t need to compromise even after growing old.Can' t avoid such situations....... prada replied. I don' t know when ILS and SILS stop nagging around ,intruding into personal lives.Even my in-laws and even my SIL do not let me and my husband live in peace.The only difference b/w you and me is I never stayed with them after marriage but they always intruded willingly.Same as you my SIL is also the centre of gravity in our household.She apears to be the most intelligent person ever born on this earth.My ILS keep pestering my hubby to shift over to the place they are living in.My SIL used to take on me saying ,her brother would come over to their place if she wishes to bring him.I never used to talk to such things as I never was against the idea of staying with them(may be since I' m ognorant of the ways of ILS and I even thought afterall every parents want their sons to be with them).But now I really get scared of the whole idea since I' ve been undergoing a lot even before going and staying with them and what will happen if I would stay with them forever.
Even my hus used to have fluctuating emotions whenever his parents or especially when his sis calls him.The only thing I do is just stay calm when he' s disturbed or disturbs me.But after that ,after his mind is normal ,I' ll try explaining him how much I' m hurt by his sudden reactions.He would not neccessarily react for what I said but he sure keeps in mind the next time.Men are always stuck b/w parents and wife or say personal life.Just keep calm and try to make your husband enjoy his personal life.Be always cheerful,extremely friendly and always praise him,his success,his simplicity, for what he is ,within the short span you have before moving.Husbands usually enjoy being praised ,as they feel a sense of being recognised ,which his parents or sis may not do much.Give him surprise gifts or surprise him by cooking him his favourite and special dishes ,go for trips and picnics and make your husband totally comfortable with you so that when you go back he' ll directly or indirectly try to do the same what you' ve done for him.Good Luck and lots of love.