Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
In very short I will try to Put my problem pls help.

Phase1.
I got married in 2005. Just next day of my marriage, “My DH GF called me up and said that he promised to marry her. She is very much in contact with all family members of DH and that my DH is impotent”. And all this was true my DH has erectile problem.
When I asked this to my DH, he said that he loves me a lot and he will leave every contact with her and he need my help to get cured. He had consulted the doctor. My father was heart patient with lot of hope and happiness he married us, so it was very difficult to tell him the fact. So I decided to remain silent and as a super woman decided to support my DH with his problem and to get it cured.

Phase2.
My DH always wanted a professional wife, where as I was not very keen. Just after my marriage he left for US saying he will call me back once his tenure will be fixed for long time as for short tenure leaving my career is not good.I am a s/w profession doing good in career. His parents were also very keen about my job. His mother is very money minded and is always keen about my salary figures. I stayed alone working but no body came to stay with me. I fighted with my DH a lot to call me but he never called me. From 2005 to 2007 he stayed in US and Canada. For few month he came to India. We consulted to doctor but all useless. His parent never came to stay with me . I stayed alone.

Phase3.
In 2008 his younger brother wife got pregnant. So now there was tremendous pressure on us from society.He was really scared as well as his parents I cud have revealed his report and GF mail about his impotency to everyone, but as my DH behaviour with my family is very good I decided to stand with him in this difficult time. I deicded to have kid through IUI. I removed my hymen surgically. tuchwood I am very healthy and successed in first IUI.we blessed with beautiful son and I decided to spend all my time in bring up my kid, so what if I didn’t get pleasure of having relationship in this single life.

Phase4
Once the kid came my inlaws started coming regulary to our house and staying for long time. Now same problem have started as stated in joint family discussion forum. Getting posseisve for her son. Not allowing me to cook. I have maid for everyhting but then also she is constanly nagging. I am working, everyday i drive 20 km to office. I run a lot to maintin sync between office home and kid responsibilty. My hubby come late at 11pm so after office I manages all external as well as internal household work and kid. still she is saying she doesnt like the food. I am not giving good food to her son. I I tried to complaining this to my DH and DH gave a slap to me in return. I feel very betrayed. I save his family for defamed. I spoiled my life for him. And what I got in return. My husband told me clearly that he cannot say nething to his mother and I will have to bear them. So there is no relationship between my DH. He is now least concerned about me. He comes late and stay with his mother. After office I just stay in one room with my kid.
They talk laugh watch TV.

Do my sacrifice and understanding deserves this kind of life.I am shocked with my life.
Adarsh replied. Just one thing to say.
If all the above told grievances of urs are right.....
\" U are just one gr8 lady...I want my wife to be like\" S replied. Hi Vidya
I can totally empathise with you. Since Iam in a similair position as you are in . The more understanding you are the more you get like this.The whole reason is your husband tremendously inferior to you . I have seen stay at home wifes with many problems but husbands are much more considerate and helpful and taking care . However in our case , Husbands dont know how to control- Please note the word \" control\" - so they push thier Moms as one reason and two take advantage constantly . I would first suggest if possible dont depend or stay with inlaws . The slightest possibloe encourage your inlaws to stay by themselves. Put your child in a day care of with a Maid . My personal experience says this is a much better way of bringing up a child than under your inlaws superficail monitoring .Once done - Just ignore your husband - let me live as one person in the house.Dont depend anything on him . But just smiling and nice kind ... All this because he has issues with his health
a friend replied. Hi vidya,
well you are a strong person..you suffered a lot in dis relationship....& still suffering... there is no giving from his side to maintain this relation. With that his job & parents r more impotant to him then you.

why r u blaming urself..... U tried to do everything for him. you gave ur 100% to accompany ur hubby in every phase but still he didn' t realise your worth.
now comes to solution, first of all tell me is your hubby is good to u in absence of his parents?...if yes then try to solve this thing in a curative manner... if your MIL really wants to cook let her cook for the whole family..let her do what she wants to do but tell her clearly that u r trying to give ur 100% or infact ur giving ur 100% to ur family.... make thenm realise what u did for them... becoz baby now a dayz u have to make everyone realise ur value & worth..

try to talk to your hubby in a calm manner.never ever talk rudely abt his mother as all men are closed to their mother...make ur hubby happy by doing things which he likes the most... u will get result sooner ... i understnd that i am asking for more from ur side but if u really wanted to save ur relationship , give this sacrifice ..

but if he is not good to you throughout the whole life.... then start living your life alone... do separate from him becoz if he cant realize ur value till date.. he will never good to u i future..So, explain ur part to your closed ones like parents or sister & tell them that u r looking for a peacefull life with your son... may be they will help u in dis case......do reply me ...whats ur decision then?