Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Mel,
I just read ur reply in ' Please advice' thread.

Somehow, Its all known facts about men for me !So,I used to be so supportive and used to understand him for his reluctant state and him being not so interested in my talks.I used to relieve myself saying myself \" Men r from MARS and Women from Venus\"

But ,STILL ,I' m unable to convince myself thesedays ..Yes, I see my husband has least priority for me in his life. I have many reasons for this conclusion.
He love to show many things to his mom and other family members when they visit us. but never feel like having a trip with me anywhere. He never likes privacy and he has rare feelings for me. I was a committed wife and loved him strong. Intial years were great and after daughter born his only priority is daughter. That I like .But he started neglecting me like anything when we moved to city nearby his parents town.

Every possible weekend he prefer going to them while travelling for 5hrs.It hurts me verymuch because Since childhood I dont like travelling. Still, I got adjusted to it.and he too understood me little and reduced trips 1 to 2 a month. but, in any case, it happens he wont go for 3 consecuive weeks he makes a bigg mess at home and creates much out of nothing makes that weekend a bigg punshment for me.
It shows me how much he is passioned to refresh at his own ppl. He never like to spend a nice weekend with me on his own. He always repent for not making his trip.
I convinced myself for 4years.
These days, I became very reluctant to him while thinking,he is happy only with his pppl and place.he doesnt like to spend a good time with me. that means he dont love me.
When we were in other city ,we were in very nice terms,because I never saw other side of his peronality and so accepted as he was ...so was sailing smooth! Now, I' m loosing all my love because I can see how biased he is towads them and me. If any of our familyfriends visit a great place, he never think of going there with me and my daughter. But, If I happen to c anyplace with my parents, he definitely make that trip possible for his mom and dad. he never love his dad ,but love oly his mom and love to spend time wiht her. whatever trash and silly things she tells ,he listens and show much care. At the same time he only shows ignorance towards me ( and his dad). when they visit us, he likes to show them every possible place and love to roam with his mom even if its a barber shop OR milk booth.They both like going out together. he ask me to accompany in those cases but I know she feel uncomfortable .Also,As they visited us, I ahve much work on head so might not leave home like that and follow them.So, my fil and I have to be home and they go together.
I never ask anything him seeing tired after he reach home from office.But, if anyday I have any pending urgent work to go out, he simply say ' He is tired\" ok i dont mind then. but...but...
But for their sake, he come home early and even doesnt care going other end of city for showing them what they wanted even in peek traffic hours.
Slowly, since 3months I ' m loosing love towards him that I' m too not having any feelings like spending with him.
I' m too waiting to a weekend to go and spend with my parents. because I realised only my parents love me and not he.

I am really a supportive , ideal, committed wife.I' m beautiful ,wise ,loving , educated and sincere towards my duties as mother and wife.What else he want??!
I never go anywhere though my parents request me to visit some place because i feel like he shd be there with me. nowadays not feeling like this, when he never care to spend with me ,why shd I?
I' m getting rock hearted to him for these reasons..


Can anyone tell me how can I convince myself?First time, In my life, even my heart refusing to think positive about him in this regard though he do lot of house hold and take care of my kid very well. its proved, he can do anyhting for his blood ppl,may be mother ,sister and daughter . But I' m outer one and I have to be blamed for his downs and nowhere I stand in credits for his constant victories in career after marriage.

I was not about to write all these things but, recenlty my mom showed concern on my health as I am not doing well.he heard that and seemed careless for her over concern and he felt they were over reacting and nothing serious as they thought.Might be i' m doing ok, but why shd he feel odd when my mom tell me to take care of myself?It made me think he has no love for me so though some one care me he feel it silly.

I only pray god, In my next birth I shd get nice loving husband because I deserve it .

ok,Probably I might not check for replies too,because that much hard my heart became for his carelesness. I know, now market is not well and I need to be caring towards his job and be loving to soothe him from his stress. but I do it as a roommate living in same home but not as his previous loving wife.

bye.keep posting ur opinions.
mg replied. i agree, i guess most men are cut out like that, they are more interested in TV rather than BV(wife) and this happens especially after marriage whether arranged or love, cause their mission is accomplished ,they get what they want, mental and physical, they dont have to look anywhere else, bed time is sweet.... out of the bed nothing more than a kamwalli bai. SO these type of men need to be put in place, DONT DEPEND OF THEM TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, look for happiness in other things, take up some hobby, go shopping, read books, watch your favourite movie with girlfriends etc, let him realise that you have your own life too and that you deserve to be happy in it, whether its with him or without him. And looking at your case... when he asks you to accompany him for the trips/outings with his mother join them if possible, and try and identify whats keeping him so attached and happy.... and sometime you can allow him to have fun alone. Mel replied. From what I read about your situation, it' s ridiculous. Although, yes, a lot of guys behave like this. I' m sure if I had an arranged marriage to MY hubby, then I would be in the same situation. Fortunately, because we got to know each other, he cannot completely sideline me.

I think another thing that was a bad phase for us when we were dating was that I left him. Things just got bad, and I walked out. At that time, he TRULY realised how much he loved me... and honestly, I missed him so much too. At the end of the split, we were so much the better. Before that, he used to listen to his mom' s every word. But, after that, he was so afraid of losing me again, that if his mom said anything against me, he would not like it. (Ofcourse he wouldn' t like it if I said anything about his precious mom either, even though he has HIMSELF SEEN WHAT ALL MEAN AND TERRIBLE THINGS SHE HAS DONE.)

Sometimes, he himself says it... that she has troubled him too, but still... he wants to fulfil his duty. He' s so busy with work, and too tired to spend time with me and our son... but the minute his father or mother call him and say they want to meet him... he' ll run there in seconds. Even here, he just wants to watch TV and unwind, but there... they will all be laughing and joking and talking into the wee hours of the night. That time he' s not tired.

I guess it' s just the way they are. Now, I want to ask you two questions...

1. Is your physical relation with your hubby normal ? Normal could mean a minimum of once or twice a month. The reason I' m asking this, is for guys this is an important part of their bonding with their wives. So, if your physical relationship is not very strong... try working to improve that.

2. Another thing is take a good, long break from him. Join a couple of associations... sports clubs, social clubs, etc, where you can meet other people including men. Now, I' m absolutely HATE people who induclge in extra marital affairs / flirting or any such thing. Make sure you do nothing of that. But, ENSURE that your hubby is aware that you are in contact with other men. That should stir up a desire to be around you more, lest you be swept away.

Take EXTRA good care of your physical appearance... and go out more. It can be an outing with your girlfriends, but GO.

I want you to believe one thing... ALL MEN CAN BE PERFECT HUSBANDS. We just have to set the stage for it.

Take care of yourself. STOP BEING NEEDY. STOP asking him to spend time with you. When he says he wants to go to his beloved mom... tell him, ' HAVE FUN...' with a smile.

The reason he likes to spend time with his mom is because she conciously makes all meetings with her good fun, light, friendly and enjoyable. She must be praising him, speaking positively and generally making sure that he is happy when he is around her. That' s why he pines to go there often. MILs can be very conniving. The more she does that, the more he goes there, the more he goes there, the more whiny you become, the more he wants to stay away from you. As far as your MIL is concerned.... Mission Accomplished.

Turn the tables. Be extra sweet with your hubby when he is around. Praise him for being a good son and father. And happily send him away when he wants to go somewhere.

All the best. abc replied. when u rad stories like these u feel that there are many woman who are unhappy in their marriage.it is unfortunate that inspite of being a loving wife u have to suffer like this. have u ever spoken to your husband regarding this.i think u should.why he is behaving like this.my case is slightly different.we both are very different due to which we have difference of opinion regarding everything because of which we fight a lot as a result we are not in talking terms for most of the time. though my husband loves his daughter a lot.he is good father and that i like about him. do comment.