Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am married for last 13 years & have 2 kids. My hubbys colleague(lady) in office has been a threat to me all thru my life. She is also married & has her own family. Unfortunately, she happens to be my immediate neighbour. She is very dominant & tries to rule everyone. She is very close to my hubby. Any important thing they do in their family front has to be discussed with my hubby. She always wants my hubbys opinion & consent in every issue. They both work very closely in the same office. Most of the time they communicate on SMS & mobile. My hubby restricts me accessing his mobile phone at any point of time. His mobile is always password protected. This lady has been a pain all thru my life. She copies whatever I do - she copies the rangolis I put, my dressing style - almost everything I do, she repeats them. I am really frustrated. I know there is no affair between them, but their closeness I am just not able to take it. I hate to even look at her. After I have spoken to my hubby on this, now, he has stopped talking to her in front of me, but behind me they are very very close. Because of this, we have had too many fights & arguments. I have tried not talking to him for days together, but he is just not bothered. I am worried if she will break our relationship. Please give me your advice immediately. deepCdiver replied. Hello Mallu............She is trying to tell your husband how much clever and better she is than you!. She probably does not find her husband and family giving her the feeling that she is ' someone' . You need to handle this with tact. These days the term ' office spouse' is becoming common. One of the occupational hazards and cause for concern to many married couples. The mobile phone, e-mail, 24x7 connectivity all add to the issue - leading to a poor work-life balance.

As long as you show you are getting ' ruffled' the other lady ' wins' ......you need to compartmentalize her and keep her awway from your thoughts. Take all efforts to engage your husband and be bold to talk to him about how you feel but refrain from showing you are upset or angry. This will be self defeating. Acknowledge that the other lady is a part of the ' office' and that you are not disturbed.
See what happens!!
Trust this helps.
Regards malu replied. As I said earlier, she is very commanding. her hubby has to listen to her else he had it.
I am into a job & earn a decent package. Her hubby is infact in a very good position & gets a hefty pay package. My hubby says they are from a remote place hence they do not know anything, hence he is being consulted for anything & everything. As i said, his mobile is always password protected. They both are working in the same organishation for last 16+ years & I am married to him for last 12 + years only. So they both know each other much before they know me. But I am dead against their friendship, i am not able to accept it, somehow i am not able to conince myself. what do u say???
peter replied. Dear Malu,

WHERE ARE YOU, PLEASE RESPOND. We are keenly watching and wish you to get some direction in your situations. Please come back and post and respond to the other posts too. Dsouja replied. Dear malu,

I suppose you need to approach the subject very professionally. I guess you are NOT working and are dependent on your husband financially, please confirm/clarify this to me. I would suggest you to go and seek professional help, find a marriage counselor around you and to begin with, without information to your husband, go meet and discuss the issue.

If a married man is emotionally closer to another woman, that too for such a long time and also are neighbors, I can not think of anything else but an affair, may be only an emotional one, but just that they two might not have had sex is not too satisfying anyway. And as someone else pointed out the H of that lady may also be subservient to the dominant and also an earning wife.

Being protective about mobile is a clear signal, that too with a password is a confirmation of the affair to me!

SEEK HELP NOW and no later. indian replied. i guess neha' s msg was a good thought...\

You can also try to talk to that guy to tell your feeling about his wife' s atitude.. but waht i could understand is - that guy seems to be a \" dont care personality... if his wife flirts.\" how can a neighbour guy decide on this man' s family matters...

i really feel sad about your situation... but fighting back is the best ... don' t give up... well you can also report this to all your husband' s family side let them all help you out ... he may feel bad and stop the whole thing.
neha replied. why dont you try to be friendly to her husband or atleast to show infront of them or get close to him by making him brother or calling him Bhaiyya,this would irritate that lady and slowly she will change her behaviour too.Try to change your look too often buy new things and let her get sick of copying you malu replied. Thank You Mehek. Just to let you know that I have spoken to my hubby on this issue on number of ocassions. Each time we talk on this issue, it leads into big arguments and spoil our moods, we stop talking to each other for a couple of days. Got to compromise...hence resume talking, but avoid this particular topic. But i want to know for how long will this go on. Is there no end for this. I have been suffering about this one issue all alone thru out my life. My kids are growing up, what if they get to know about this. Mehek replied. Your husband not allowing you to access his phone on its oven shows that he has something to hide. However, it could be that your hubby knows that you dislike this woman and she makes you insecure therefore he does not want you to read their correspondence because he feels you will not understand, jump to conclusions and over react.

The bottom line is that you need to speak to your husband and tell him that his friendship with his colleague is making you uncomfotable. His intentions may be right and you are not doubting him in anyway but this is bothering you. See how he reacts...if he chooses to ignore what you say than it is obvious who is more important to him.

Hope this helps.