Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am a working lady married for more than 4 years and staying with my hubby. We do not have a kid yet and now we are trying for a baby.

The problem is my hubby is a mama' s boy. Evrything that happens at our home he tells his mother the next day.He himself has admitted the same.I have scolded him for that but still he continues doing the same. For every small thing he ll discuss with his mother.
Due to his mother' s interference our relationship has suffered a lot. Till now my hubby dint want kid and now that his younger brother had 2 kids , out of social pressure he has agreed for a kid with me.

My hubby wants me to flatter his mother which I hate like anything. His mother has done everything she can do to destroy our marriage.
I am really frustrated with him and thought that only if a kid comes in our lives then only our relationship can be better.

Please tell me how to how to fix this problem and make my hubby realize that he is doing wrong.
Or is that there is no hope of fixing this issue.

Thanks Sanika replied. Gilian,

Do one thing, you call your MIL everyday and tell her everything DAILY instead of your hubby telling her. Tell her all the things happening in his office, general life etc etc.,

When your hubby understands that there' s somthing fishing, he may stop acting like a child.

My advice would be dont go for a baby immediately. I can understand that you are feeling lonely as your hubby is not behaving properly, but think that if you have a kid, IT WILL BE ALL YOUR RESP. to raise him and believe me raising a kid alone is not easy.

Even if your hubby and MIL changes after you ahving a kid, is that going to help YOUR Relationship? In your husband' s case, scolding is not going to help. You have to be calm and tackle the situation diplomatically. Stay calm and IGNoRE his behavior completely. There are many more good things YOU can do than just thinking about hubby and his behavior and your MIL.

Go out alone shopping, pamper yourself, look in the mirror and say to yourself \" hey gorgeous!!\"
:)
Relax., everythign will be fine. Namita replied. In this post, Raghav says Gilian also wants a child so mom being possesive to her son is normal n this men is saying so bcoz it is his mom if it was vice-versa n he had to work hard whole day at his in-laws place n at the end of the day wht he would have got is only n only bad treatment ... then would you have been of the same opinion

i bet u cnt even imagine urself in this position

on the other hand \" Mens view point\" says i m fed up bcoz my wife inform everything to her mom ... now this is irritating for him

by showing the abve situations i only want to make this men realise tht same thing happens to women when u people try to insult ur wife in front of ur parents, try to put her down n praise ur family, share each n everything with ur mom dnt u think u have any privacy in ur married life

Touch wood not all men are like Raghav ... who dnt undersnd the basic sense
me replied. Hi Gilian !
I have faced something similar so wanted to reply..
I was going through a tough relationship with my husband and decided that a child was the only way to save this marriage. So I had a child and today my daughter is 2 years old. My husband is extremely attached to her but has completely drifted away from me. He is also a mamas boy. So be careful. Think. If u bring a baby into this, u will be the only one working around to bring up the child because what a mom can do, noone can. U cannot back out later. Be sure. Make ur relationship work...sort it out and then happily go in fr a baby because u both want one.

To answer Mens view point - Girls are also mama' s girls but their husbands don' t have to live with the MIL' s. This simple fact changes everything. Women leave their homes and mama' s and live with their husband' s family and lifestyle. If they call their mom to talk abt any God damn thing, I don' t think it should be regarded as anything close to being a mama' s girl in that context ! raghav replied. Hi Gilian,...all the females have a sought of hatred for their mother-inlaws and you tend to forget that you also want a baby and want to be a mother...there is nothing wrong if mother is possessive about her son and vice versa...your hubby can get ten girls to marry and then be his wife...but even if you screw him hundred times in a day ...you cant be his mother...reconcile or get lost. Mens view point replied. I dont understand this why god does it. But one is always a mama' s boy/girl. In my case my wife talks to her mother and everyday she knows what we have even coooked. At times, I think she might even know, what color undergarments I am wearing. This is thirdclass thing. I think there is no solution to that. I havent done any efforts for last 2 years in that... wish you a good luck.. Sharadha replied. Four years of married life and wishing a baby is absolutely understandable. Your husband seems to be a \" MAMA BOY\" which is not uncommon. At the outset this seems to be a simple problem only which can be fixed if your husband is willing to have an attitude adjustment. Your idea of bringing a baby may work wonders in your relationship with your hubby. That' s a real possibility. But be aware that there is another side to the coin. I mean, what if your husband continues being who he is at present, can you be sure that it will not bother you during your pregnancy and after the kid is born. I personally know how much we would need our husband' s unconditional support throughtout our pregnancy as our body not only undergoes biological changes but emotional too. So before going ahead stay composed and try to get hold of the situation.
Scolding your husband may not give you the desired result. Compose yourself and try to mend things by having a hearty talk with him.
Tell your hubby, that you want to work on your marriage and make each other happy. Tell him that you like to have some things as pure secrets between youselves and that you don' t like the idea of sharing everything with his mom.Do not get emotional and bash your Mother in law for what so ever. Play it soft and subtle but firm. Check with him if he would really be a nice husband taking care of you throughout your pregnancy and also if he is willing to be a good dad to your kid. A open talk with your husband can pave way for a smooth planning of future.
Its only you that can bring about a change and happyness to your life.
Good luck to you.
shara.. GG replied. Never point your MIL for this silly things..
One day , you will also become a MIL and ur DIL will point u so better dont say that..

Now...regarding your plans...
I dont see love from both of ur heart.
Just for the sake of society covering you are planning to give raise to a kid..
First try to love your husband and ask him yto do so..
If not go counslling..

Give raise to a loveable kid over a true love..
Another Girl replied. Hi Gilian,

4 years is a good time to understand each other. By this time, your partner might have known the fact that \" ÿou cannot flatter his mom may be thats becuase its not in your nature to flatter anybody\" .

You have decided to have a kid so that your relationship with your partner works out. Your husband wants a child due to societal pressure. Both of you want a child becuase of some selfish motto not because you love each other and want to extend your family.

The result would be \" You' ll have a wonderful child. Probably your realtionship with your partner worsens as you are working and your MIL will join you. If you decide to quit work and stay with child, then probably again the relation worsens because your partner is used to your additional income and all the so called \" tanas\" from your MIL. All this will not only worsen your life but also your child' s life. Bee very very careful when thinking of having a child.

Its better to heal your relationship and when you feel you guys love each other and want a reward of your love, then think of a child.

Choice is yours, Life is yours.