Hi Everyone,

I am a new member.I was searching something on Google yesterday and came across this website.And I am really glad I did.

Radha,I started reading this thread and came across a lot of your postings.I haven' t gone through all but I did read about your daughter.I am so sorry.I don' t have enough words to say.But I want to commend you on what you are doing for all the other women.I did read in one of the posts that you were going to go to school and become a counselor for women who are dealing with miscarriages or loss of a child and that is amazing.I also read the poem about ' A different child' and that brought tears to my eyes.I am so grateful to you for posting that.

Let me tell you my story.I am 30-1/2 years old and have been married for a little over six years.For the longest time we were not ready to have a baby due to school/work and health reasons.Finally last year we decided it was time.I was diagnosed with PCOS few years ago but was on birth control pills and had regular periods beacuse of them.I am also hypothyroid but my levels have been good.However once I went off the pill I had a couple normal cycles and then I started having irregular periods.I must have tried for about four months or so.In January during my annual checkup with my GYN I mentioned it to her.At first she wanted me to try for a full year.But when I insisted she referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist.He had to give me progesterone to get my periods.Also ran a bunch of tests on me and my husband and then started me on clomid.I got pregnant on the first cycle.My husband and I were so excited.We even saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks.I had a follow up ultrasound 3 weeks later and they baby had stopped growing.In other words,I had a missed miscarriage.This was exactly 4 weeks ago today.Had to get D&C done.Thought it was the end of the world.Wanted to die.However got through the first week.I must say am getting better with each passing day.My doctor wants to recheck my thyroid levels and has also ordered ANA antibodies and Lupus coagulum tests for the end of this month.He also said that if I don' t get my period by next week,I can start progesterone and induce a period and start over again.

When I found out about the missed miscarriage,the doctor told me that I shouldn' t blame myself.It is the best advice I have ever received and I want to say the same thing to all my friends out there.There is nothing any of us could have done.I think I am doing remarkably well in dealing with the situation.What has helped me is my supportive husband,my family and ofcourse my faith.The other thing which helped tremendously was talking to people.Almost everyone I shared my situation with had another story to tell me.I didnot realise that miscarriages were this common.However,they are extremely painful and it is something noone ever forgets.

I must say I was about 10 weeks 6 days pregnant meaning I had know for about 6 weeks about my pregnancy and it has changed me completely.I am a much better person.Its amazing how Mother Nature has designed women to be mothers.For the longest time I was not ready to be a mom on the contrary I was scared.But once I was ready,I couldn' t wait.I have tried to ask my Lord why he would give me happiness for a few weeks and then take it away.However,I haven' t received an answer yet.And I am not really looking for an answer.I just know one thing,HE has always taken care on me and watched out for me and I am sure HE did it for a reason.

I am trying to stay positive and heal emotionally.I can' t wait to get started again.But I know one thing for sure.Both my husband and I will never forget about this baby.I don' t know if this same baby or another one will come into our lives but I am sure we will have one someday,hopefully soon.

I want to wish all of you out there goodluck and thanks Radha for the amazing job you do.

Hope to hear from everyone,

Take care.

siya replied. hi,

i find it really to hear that of 5 only 2 have a chance to live....are we so bad that we fall in that category....
all the people around says that it result of what u had done in the past... i keep on asking my husband are v so bad that we had to go through this phase of life.... i really appreciate k radha for all the messages that written on this board....i have a problem and that is i keep on running away from all those people who have small babies... i just don' t want to see the babies untill i have my own... at times babies try to come near me but i just cannot hold them in my lap..... do i need a help from psychytrist...my baby' s name was paras a healthy, fit and really beautiful baby as told to me by relatives as i had not even seen him..
at times i hate him also of his foolishness as what to eat and what not eat he died of meconium aspiration syndrome...pl. advise do i need help from psychystrist


love siya sudha replied. hi,
i really appreciate you that you are keeping the faith and is positive . i too went through the same last year 4th nov ... my little girl left me at 32 weeks all hopes shatred and i was left numb and lost . i too turned to this board and had a support of lot of fellow sisters .it is said only 2 out of 5 preg are delivered alive i kept on thinking why did i fall in the 3 bracket and i too was astonished there are so many like me and there are so many who try for years to conceive ( i conceived with in 3 mnths of leaving my pill)
we had named her Rishona and shw is 7 mnths old now and really a big girl and may be we will be trying soon but true no child will be able take her place...just like radhas poem she is a different child .at that point i didnt see Rishona regreted later but now i have no regrets that i didnt see her she will remain in my heart as my special child
cheers to you again for being positive and be so and god will bless you soon
love
sudha K.Radha replied. Hi There,

I think the best decision you made was to begin seeing a reproductive endo!!!! Falling pregnant is no easy task despite what we all seem to think and coupled with PCOS & Hypothyroidism you are faced with two major issues that cause infertility. I am sure it has been explained to you that your Hypothyroidism is the most likely cause for your irregular periods and it can also be the cause for your PCOS also. We' ve been seeing a fertility endo ourselves for my Hyperthyroidism & PCOS so I feel like I know what you' ve been through.

It is very lucky that you did conceive on the first cycle and I am inclined to agree with your opinion that your pregnancy & loss was for a reason. As for being a better person, it is just one of those lovely little blessings we earn through loss. You sound as though you are doing well, have found a lot of support and there is no denying you' re being positive. Hopefully you will fall pregnant on your next cycle but if it doesn' t happen, you can try again. Just remember that you will need your thyroid levels changed regularly and you might find that the doc will increase your meds although with stable levels you should be ok.

I wish I knew what to say that could take away the pain of your loss but in reading your post I find myself smiling, at your strength, at your positivity... I think you are a perfect example of how much greater we can all be after loosing a child. I am incredibly sorry that you lost your baby, after a struggle to conceive it seems grossly unfair however your next child is going to be twice the blessing. Thank you for your kind words about my posts but my reasons are not wholely altruistic. I felt so lost after Ishani died and if I can just help one person find their way through their dark time it gives me a feeling that my loss was not for nothing.

It honours my daughter, it makes her life and death something worthwhile... Or so I believe. As for the counselling skills, well, there are times when others advice inadvertantly becomes a dissertation about their own loss which accidently disregards the original posters loss. I thought if I got some skills, although informal as I am not geting a degree only a certificate, it would be helpful in knowing how to listen and not personalize or make comparisons. I sincerely wish you the best of luck with your next cycle and hope to read that you' re pregnant before long... In the mean time please stick around because others would really benefit from your positivity and I think you could offer some excellent advice.