Relationships  Discussion Forum

My problem may appear simple and easy to few of you But it' s not true for me.

I have been married for 4-yrs.Before our marriage my husband used to live with his bhai and bhabhi .Since first day of our marriage he chants his bhabhi' s name e.g. If she can do that why can' t u? She gets that much of pocket money so you will also get that much of amount. There are number of examples like this which irrritates me alot. His bhabhi is also a very foxy lady. In front of him she shows as if she is very caring towards me. whenever she gives me a call she informs my husband to show that she has called me e.g. If I don' t pick up her phone in 3-4 rings she will call up my husband and say I was trying her number but she is not picking up(Just to inform him that she called me). My husband has an impression that she is a very good lady.But she always talks with me in a taunting way because she has a support of my husband. She knows my husband won' t say anything to her.
Whenever I tried to talk to my husband he blamed me for being jealous of her.Moroever my husband also praises her in front of all the relatives that no one can beat her in cooking etc. etc.and she also feels superior.At that time I feel very depressed.I try hard to do things of his likings but he never appreciates me.I am more educated and younger than her.Because of my marriage only I left my job otherwise I could have earnt more than him. I left everything for him like my job, my people, my place ..everything infact.But he never appreciated that fact.

Now problem is I want to get rid of that lady who shows in front of my husband that she is very caring but I know her reality.She just want to get hold of my husband.Even if she wants to take out my daughter with her she never asks me just calls up my husband on his mobile and ask him. She knows he will never say no to her, she doesn' t want to give importance to me.She wants to show I am nothing. Just to show my husband that she loves our daughter she does that otherwise I also know she doesn' t have any bonding with my daughter.FYI In past also my husband helped them financially alot(before marriage)

I don' t know why my husband is so much impressed with this lady. What shall I do to get rid of this lady.I am going into the depression. Pls. help me.
Views of all the ladies are welcome.
Anju replied. Dear shilpa,
Few days bac i just happened to see ur message...and u will not believe..it appeared to me asif i have written the whole thing....same situations i have passed thru...I was searching for ur message ...so that i could write bac to u...i can understand how much agony u might be undergoing...i also got married 4yrs bac...i have FIL,BIL and his wife ..my MIL expired before my BIL marriage....i had stayed in joint family for 6months..and it was reall tough for me...my husband never praised me till date and use to praise his bhabhi like anything...with great difficulty i got separated....and still the behaviour of my husband was not ok...my jethani used to say \" maine 4 saal se dono bhaiyo ko ek karke rakha aur isne aate hi alag karwa diya\" ..both bil and his wife never liked me and my husband sitting together...and my husband use to get expensive gifts for his bhabhi and not for me....i really felt very bad..even my FIL could not do anything and use to follow his bhabhi....and they would try to increase conflict between me an my husband. I finally told my fil that i would like to separate as my office is vry far....
though i have separated but still my husband blames me for everything and tries to find fault with me...
It' s really sad...but still whenever i remember those 6 months.....i really feel that was the worst period of my life...
What i could grasp is that my jethani never wanted that her bil should get married as he was earning the highest...and after my marriage ...they use to create conflicts between me and hubby.. i went in so much depression that i could not work properly in my office.and could not conceive for long...and my husband use to blame me for that...atleast i feel u have ur daughter ...just pay attention to ur daughter...and if she is going to school i would say better join the job ..that will keep u diverted from these thoughts ...u will be able to provide better future to ur children...and expand ur circle of friends... Anju replied. I have something to say.... Reena replied. Hello Shilpa,

Even i had this same problem, But with his own sister. From day 1 of my marriage, i could find, both talking in phone for hours togather. After returning from office, he wont even ask how was ur day, have u had lunch, nothing. Straightly lifts up phone and talks to her upto minimum 45 mins. Sometimes it goes around 2 hours also. i feel like crying, shouting. But i cannot do that, coz she acts as though she loves his brother. She donot even think of asking how i am.

I am only daughter in my family, the reason why i married was that, to get relations for myself. But i didnot know that it was the bitter experience to face such people. when i was pregnant, she tells all the advices to my hubby. Cannt she tell that to me? Acts as though she is too caring towards me. She actually wants to have control towards her brother.

But time passed on like that, and one day they quarreled in terms of property and stopped talking to each other. It has be 2 years since they stopped.

Actually this happens in many houses. The
only thing is that, only a thief should stop robbing and none other can stop them. Wait patiently, a miracle would definitely occur to help u. May be ur hubby will realise the truth one day.

take care friend. saheli replied. Shilpa, How many years older is your Bhabi compared to your hubby? How long before yours was your Bhabi married? That is I want to know for how many years does your hubby know bhabi? Does Bhabi or you have children, if so their ages? Do you have any other, even if very awkward, guess as to what could be the reason for their closeness or the mutual love respect etc? Whats the role of the other brother with regard to all these? Is he a strong charactered man? I will be able to understand and possibly able to make few more observations and suggestions when you have responded.