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Womens Issues:ritika and the gang)
2008-02-19
Name: Chandra



hey guys,

so i kept you updated with the events...last thing was when my mom talked to my husband, and he spoke a bit on edge with her. she at least noticed how his mannerisms are, and if he could talk to her that way, than she could only imagine how he talks to me.

a day or two ago, my mom talked to my fil, he was calm, nice. apologized for his son' s behaviour. although that was great and all, he owes my mom a HUGE apology. also, he indirectly disrespected my dad as well, sort of making fun of his line of work. again, another HUGE apology. more then just that....he needs to rub his nose in their feet. i was furious when my mom told me these things!!! i was like..that is it..what are you even supposed to say to a man like that. how could i spend the rest of my life with him? but they were calm. the fil told my mom, that his son regreted what he said, and he was sorry...and i was like....why isnt he saying it himself!

anyway..i talked to the fil too. and he was really nice and calm with me too. very weird. he kept saying stuff like, me and his son fight too much on the phone and stuff. and i told him, i wasnt saying a word to him. he would email me and say things like, we dont talk, what kind of marriage do we have etc. so that was why i called him, on valentines day. and its the same thing everytime.
then my dad talked to the fil....he insisted on talking to my dad for some reason. and my dad said the same thing to him, that his son is just plain rude. he yelled at me, my mom and insulted my dad.

everyone keeps telling me, dont worry about them, just let things go for now. but i dont think they realize, that this had been going on for a month now, and nothing is getting better, its actualy getting a lot worse. any everyone says, stay happy for the baby, dont worry about anything else. how easy is that when you hear that your husband wants a divorce and ur sitting here, 6 mths pregnant?!!?




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2008-02-19
#1
Anonymous Name: Ritika
Subject:  Re:



Dear Chandra,

I know that it is not easy to be in your shoes at this time...You are going through some really tough times and it doesn' t look as if your husband is going to change his behavior any time soon...

Is it possible for you to ask your FIL (to ask his son) if he would be willing to go for marital counseling??

That' s the best hope I can think for getting some peace of mind for you right now.

Some people can change if they are made to realize that their behavior is wrong...and most of the times it is a third person that can do it...

And if your husband does not agree, then you go alone for counseling...I' m hopeful that it will help you...

Trying to reach your husband through the quagmire that is his temper and behavior, his parents etc will be tough for you to do it alone...

As for your FIL, I think you mentioned before that he was the one who created the entire mess in the first place...if he is saying that his son regrets the way he behaved, ask him to tell his son to apologize to your parents...

And frankly, if i were you, I would take a break from them for the next 2 months till I finish the exams. They are not going anywhere, your husband is not going anywhere, your problems are not going anywhere...so do yoga, meditation, whatever...anything to help you to relax and take your mind off these people for some time..do that. It is very hard I know..but if you don' t do it then what is the option?

Take care,
Ritika
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2008-02-20
#2
Anonymous Name: Chandra
Subject:  hey



I know what you´ re saying. I pretty much did just that. ignored. The only reason i called him on valentines day, was for some doctor info and because it was vday. I know him pretty well to know that he would make a fiasco if i hadnt called him. and of course he COULD have called me, but being the man (so called husband) he is, he wouldnt have done that.
all fingers keep getting pointed at me, whether i do or dont do something. i´ ve stopped completely now.

the thing is, this started off as a fight, that made no sense, then escalated into something more. It should have never gone this far in the first place. And i know this family, they talk so much it makes ur ears hurt. and of course they talk the life out of this situation, and keep coming up with new things to say. it only gets worse with time.

my parents have also told me to forget about it. but they dont know this family...when i was with them for 7 mths, i noticed their behaviour. they literally sit there, coming up with things to say about people. and my husband starts believing it all!

i knew there were problems with inlaws, and marriage in general. but i figured there would be some kind of basis behind the problem! not something the FIL is bringing up for no reason! his solution to ANY of mine and my husbands problems are to separate us! i dont even know why he got his son married in the first place. and somehow i was the unlucky girl to be his so-called wife.

And i know this isnt good for the baby...i make sure i eat properly though...even when i dont want to. its just really hard to get this stuff off my mind! i´ ll do it for awhile, and then it pops up again:S
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