Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear friends

I am writing this for the 1st time here though have been a regular reader. The following is more a form to share with my unseen friends than to expect a solution. If there is genuine advise pls do let me know.

We got married 6 years ago, a rranged marriage. I was in a very reputed job, drawing good salary but not as matured as I am today or I should say not mature as any other girl in my position is.

My husband turned out to be very money minded and the only reason he married me was looking at my handsome salary which was more than his. Talking about him, he is a person, not interested in ANYTHING in life, as in, movies, partying, seeing places, music, sports, good cloths - nothing. He is not romantic also - not even 1 romantic, any ordinary man is. Has never given me any gifts, has never wanted to see his wife in good cloths, has never bought me flowers till now, forget jewellery and the higher items in the list. He was like this when we were getting married not it has worsened anyways.

Everything was good, though his attitute was troubling me every moment. He relocated to a foreign country, I resigned for my job and joined a job there which was not as promising as my prior job. It was when my son was born that I refused to work as in the foreign country I didnt have anybody' s support for looking after my kid. To mention, he was not very excited at the news of my pregnancy neither was at our son' s birth. He was very upset when I said I am taking a break for 2 years or so from work. His attitute changed dramatically once I went with the baby to join him. He didn' t care to make a comfortable house. It was a temporary house and we changed house 3 times (all temporary) in a span of 6 months - with a baby as small as 7 months. There was explanation from his side that house rents were highly expensive. He could easily afford it, that is a different story.
Anyways, he left for job early morning, reached home late evening, no talking, not even interested to have dinner with me, watch TV and sleep in one corner of the bed.
Everyday, in one or the other way, hurt me for not working. Used to praise ladies in his office - how they take trouble and bring fortune to their husbands and family by working hard at home and office. I understood later that all of them had school going kids.
He never heed to any of my needs - forget luxuries. Once I craved for a icecream a lot only to get satisfied with a small cone after 3-4 months.

It is not that I have never confronted him. I did, several times, but nothing changed, thanks to my ' fearing others' attitude. I talk strict sentences only when I really get angry but no action once I become cool. He made use of this attitude vwey well, I guess.

One thing worth mentioning is that, he is a extremely sweet talker. He talks everything in words filled with so much affection that one gets satisfied with the words only. But lately now, after 6 years, I have realised that he is not a person what he claims while talking. His personality is hidden behind his sweet talks.

All my deposits he has converted in his name and now for any expense I need to beg him, tolerate all his taunts, hurting words.

On this Valentine' s day, I was forced to do an introspection of my life and here I am.

Any advise to me to better my life is welcome. Soumya replied.
Heartfelt thanks to you two. Yes, I have already applied for job. Will update abou that.

But his attitude is killing me. That is only bacause I have still not left the hope of us living happily one day and ever after. Problems in life are bound to come but if love between couples is intact any problem can be faced. So I am not fearing problems.

Anyways, let me conclude wishing that one day(half of life is already over, but still!!) in future I will see him giving importance to family more than money.

Thanks one and all. sonu replied. Dear Soumya,
The first thing u need to do is start working again. Find a good baby sitter and ..i know the half of salary u might need to give baby sitter...Still, atleast u' ll lead a better life . Yes, Now u r not happy and I dont think U r spending pleasant time with ur baby. I guess, Idle mind throws u into endless thoughts to make u sad by which u cant be pleasant with baby.

SO, I sincerely advise u to start working and whatever time u have after office, spend for ur baby.This way , You need not to miss simple joys in ur life. Yes, u can buy good clothings for baby...and good toys for baby...Also can have money to pamper urself....
Dont care him ...Let him be unromantic or murmering .He might comment on spending money on urself while u r earning. But, when he doesnt care for ur feelings ,y shd u afterall give all the money to him.

So dear soumya,Take a step for urself and baby not just because he want u to work. He might not appreciate and u cant see any change in him though u work...but its juts for ur and ur baby' s independence.U both deserve a better life...

*love,
sonu.

jiya replied. hi dear i can understand ur state
becoz i am also in same status
the only difference is that ur in foreign country
but u could not help it either u ask ur parents or ils to join u and u again join ur job
you have to be self dependant this is only the option
if u could not find any parental supprt then you look out for some day care for ur kid atleast ur hubby speaks sweetly my hubby to do not speak softly also
for sake of ur kid u would have to make adjustement in your life
i think only think troubling ur hubby is money, so plz donnot be dependant on man who do not want to supprt u
why do u beg that is worst think u r doing u r so educated u can supprt urself why do u expect
u know if we stop expecting from anyone our half troubles are solved like that only plz stop expecting any thing from ur hubby
i am sure in this mental status u might not be able give positive parenting to ur child
i was in your shoes a year back i was not working due to my child my hubby was not supprting me at all
i passing all frustartion to my child one day i thought it is better to work instead of giving me and my baby bad life
actually after working i felt even though i am giving less time to my baby but whatever may be the time it is quality time i kiss him hug him both in eve and morning tell him bed time stories dance with him buy whatever i want to buy for my son even for my self
so u tell which life is better
i am telling u plz joinjob u feel guilty to leave ur child and work but see nothing better than this
at last stop expecting from ur hubby
ur self sufficient why do u need any body to supprt u
make good frens who can share ur feelings