Relationships  Discussion Forum

i have a question for all SUffering dil.I understand that you guys go through a new challenge almost every day because of your inlaws and husband ,my mom did go through that too.But why do you want to be the best daughter inlaw or best wife of adarsh nari .that is what i asked my mom and to you all too.you want that every body is happy too and you remain happy too .no that is not possible .just drop off this idea to be good dil good silgood bahu .it will atleast solve your 50 problem .
when iu got married into my family i was like ok i will work only as much as i can ,i will do only as much as i could .if i was asked by my inlaws that why didnt you do that my answer was i was busy in other things .May be i am lucky to get inlaws not as cruel as yours but if we dont change our selves remember they wont change .
after almost 20 years of suffering one day my mom started giving back and now she is happy .if we dont love ourselves no one else will .
what lesson are we teaching to our daughter and sons .sons will learn that ok in a family male is dominating and women is submssive ,he will do the same with his wife ,and the daughter will also learn that her duty is to be a adarsh nari ,keep every one happy .we are not only responsible for our life but for next generation too.
i some times feel really sad when women here ask that how to keep my hubby happy ,how to make my inlaws happy ?whyyy try to be happy yourself .you are just women not some second grade citizens .if you respect your self others will too. Aisha replied. I totally agree with you.

I think most women are conditioned by parents to treat their MIL / FIL extra special. My question is...how are they more special than ones parents??? In Law' s are just like our parents. We act so natural with our parents then why this drama and special treatment for them as if they are babies.

Yes, definitely respect them JUST LIKE how we respect our parents.

My suggestion is one should know one' s strength and weakness. Don' t try to set a high bar for some people and different for others. Just be yourself, please. I can' t imagine how much psych. / physcially pressure some ladies put on themselves just to please their inlaws.

Always remember what is right is right and don' t let others dictate you how to think and dominate you. Yes, just like parents, inlaws are elders with experience and if they are right and give some sound advice then accept it, but if it is something that goes against your morals, then plz. do step up and voice your opinion by being firm at the same time polite.

The best thing is to live your life, remember you only live once and why let somebody else ruin it for you. My #1 advice for some dil’s who starve themselves after fights / arguments, pleeeeeease don’t ruin your health by starving yourself. Why do you have to suffer because of others??? Please, your body has right over you, it needs to be taken care of and your children have right over you, they need a healthy mother!

One of the best things a dil can do is to break this vicious cycle of abuse. Teach your children to treat everyone with kindness, have self respect and most importantly be JUST.

Best Wishes,
Aisha


F gg replied. i wud liek to reply to ur question..coz i hv gone thru a lot in these fews motnhs...all the time i was thinking ..n thinking ...
only 1 perosn to be blamed ...n i wud put the complete balme on my parents ...for making me such a dumb perosn...scared of everything
some of u might get angry on my commetn but this is a fact
i live in a joint family of 14 members...u can go thru my previous msgs...my mil is a very stone hearted person ...very stubborn ...i sufferd a lot ...but my sil who got mrrd just 9 motnhs b4 is giving her tuff time...

i always tried to find out y she is not scared of my mil...its her parents...her upbringing...her parents are very very nice ...they treat me like a daughter...i hv been to their house many times...my sil has 5 sis altogether ...the way her parents have brought all of them so nicely..they have tought all their daughter s 1 thing not to get scared of anything just becoz ur a girl..all 5 are so independent ..so strong in their attitude....i can tell u many things about her parents that i have observed...today see my sil she is also alone ...but hats off to her..she makes my mil dance to her tunes....
n my parents always thought me one thing...now ur in laws are ur true parents..its ur duty ...to listen to her..all mils are like that ...bls bla...if u go againest her what will socity say ? they always scared me of everything ...not to do this not to do that..
looking at my sil...i hv deciede one thing i will never stop my daughter from doing anything...i will make sure she becomes so strong that even if she comes across 100 mil like mine...she doesnt suffer like me...she shoudl solve her probs on her own...n face anyone just as my sil face on her own...
there was only std line of my parents log kya kahenge...u knwo none of my cousin sis are happily mrrd...they all had arrnge mrrg...i am the only one who went for love mrrg...if u comaore my situation then i am better off...u know when my sis comes to their parents house compalining about their in laws they send them back ..they dont even let them stay opvernight saying after mrrg u must not pamper ur daughter otherwise they will run aways form their in laws..n it will bring bad name to our family...they send them to suffer without doign antyhing...
in my family i am the most educated girl....n i am the only one who started working...soem people look down ...for being educated...working woemn n going for move mrrg...