Relationships  Discussion Forum

Iam married 10yrs back,till now we din'tunderstand each other,the problem is mine was arranged marriage and there were some false promises made during marriage,which my family failed to do,and finally iam the prey,i have two kids,but ever since we got married there was lot of disagreements,misunderstandings and no peace of mind.The promises made from my family are he will be given half amount from the money which they were suppossed to give to me ,they deposited all on my name,promised to show him placement in US,which they failled to do so.During the course of time we had kids,he abuse me for being a useless ,since iam not working,sitting at home,though iam a post graduate ,icould not find a job ,no help.Iam totally vexed,and i just want to give up everything,and depressed,want to end my life,may be iam a coward,but because of no support from any one ,what best i can do is this ? or should i start my carrer and show what iam?Ihave several questions and no answers for them,can anybody help me in this matter?can i areally lead a good ,respectable life with my husband /or divorce,HELP ME PLEASE. DT replied. I know it is easier said than done but you got to do this for the sake of your children. Since you have a master's degree in Accounting, you can easily find an entry-level teller's job in any bank close to your home. The hours can be flexible and at the begining, you start part time if your kids are not in the school yet. A friend of mine works for a bank. She started at the bottom and she is now a Credit Analyst for the same bank. You can work your way up by applying to internal positions and developing skills etc. Don't couped up in the house all day long feeling sorry for yourself instead think what you can do to help yourself and your kids. Women, especially indian women always underestimate their potential and what they can achieve in life because they are often taught to live in a shaddow of fear...

Good luck. sk replied. Its sad that your husband values the promises more than his married life.May be you can start with telling him that though your parents didnt quite fulfill their promise, you are here to help him realise all that he wants to be and more.Try explaining that ultimately he and you and your children are affected by this bitterness and not your parents.If he abuses your parents,tell him though you understand his anger,they are your parents and so he should not do so in front of you.If your children are young,use the time to get some qualifications which will help you get a job.Talk to friends,maintain a social circle apart from your husband's,get a driver's licence,If you already have one start going to the library,take your kids to a childrens movie etc.This will help you to distract your mind from your husbands comments and make you more confident.Understand if your husband can break a grownup like you what would be your childrens chances against him without you around.Your children are your responsibility and you have to be strong for their sake. friend replied. Since you are a commerce graduate you need not have problems in searching for a job. Take up some part-time/volunteer jobs for doing auditing, accounting etc with a small company. Once you get the confidence then you can shift to a full time job in a big company. If you have internet connection at home, then you can find plenty of jobs in accounting field. You can also look in newspapers.
Dont hesitate to take up a small job in the beginning since you might feel you are not fit as you have done masters. Also read a little on accountancy and others if you have not read for a long time. Approaching any office in person with your resume also helps. Ask any friends of yours if they are working, about any vacancies. You can also try for a teaching job. Dont start competing with your husband as soon as you get a job by comparing your salary or job with him. Because that lowers your self esteem more. neha replied. hi,

May i know where do u live ? i mean in India or USA. Pls don't give up. u have 2 kids. their life will be spoiled. just tell me where do u live i'll try to help u.

neha
Well Wisher replied.
Please don't think of ending your life. Think of your children.

You asked, should I start my career now? I would say YES. Not to show your husband what you can do, but to be able to take care of yourself and your kids in case you decide that you want a divorce. It will also help your self esteem, which has taken a beating by your husband's abuse.