Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi
I really appriciate this board of giving good emotional support.i am a silent viewer of this section.
i have few things to consult u people...because i am not able to figure out the things by my own ...so please help me to sort out this ...
i am married 5 years back having 2 yr old baby.
i dont know where to start wht is the principal problem...but have to tell...i am having love marriage....not carrying a good relationship with inlaws.they have their own issues.i dont want to jump into taht..may be this is linked with that...
first 2yr of my marriage everything was good....means dont have any arguments with my hubby....but then i realized my hubby has started lieing with me specially with the money part .although i was also working but comparetively less earning.then i conceived and left my job...he has started coming late from office ,spending time after office with his frnd..i was pregnent at that time ..and i was all alone in the home ..obviously i want more support from him ....but he usually comes 12 or 1 pm in night.when i asked he told he had lots of work in office(software engineer)almost i had zero communication with him.in between my mominlaw came ans she creats lots of misunderstanding betwwen us..and i was weak enough to defend myself.presently i want to do job but he does not want me to do...casually talks to me....not interested in bed,most of the time watches tv,but sometimes plays with child.i want to talk to him want to discusess everything abt my life ,his plans,our future but he is simply not interested.wht should i do.i have tried everthing..i pleased him ....got angery also....but nothing seems working...u know my mominlaw has updated information abt him but i havenot.strange....at the same time he is short tempered..easily gets irreted on me within a sec.
dont know wht to do ...tried to talk him directly ...but he says everything is ok ...betwwen us and every couple is like us....saves and manages his own money ...i dont have idea where he spends ..wht he does ...wht r his future plans..he has nothing to talk to me....getting very depressed...and insecure...
he has changed a lot..hidding things...
i am not even able to analyse the situation..please help me out ..i want a good and friendly relationship with my hubby....
please tell me wht should i do Advisor replied. Hi Deepika,

Your situation is very saddening. But here is what can do and see if that helps.

If he likes watching TV, order or get some good movies of his choice, order or cook his favorite food. Get the kiddo to bed early and enjoy the night together.

When he is playing with the kid, say daddy we love you and do a family hug. Turn on music and dance with your son when he is at home but not watching TV.

Enjoy your kid as immensely as you can, if he wish to join have a blast together, excercise, eat right, dress right, say frequent I luv you, everything will be alright.

Don' t let any negative thoughts come into your mind about your hubby. May be because of your kid, your husband feels stressed enough for family' s future that he works late and to wind down he might go to his friends as being with you might remind him constantly of his responsibilities and he is shying away from it craving for his old life.
You have to show him that relationships brings on respoensibilities but they are fun too. make him feel a part of the family at the emotional level. right now he is feeling like a bread earner, not very confident about the financial situation and thats the reason he does not share that with you.
Try find some cases in which how family suffered after the death of family head as they were not up to date with his finances.

But you need to take one step at a time,
connect with him at the emotional level first, and then try n get involved with the finances.

If this does not help, let him know that you are unhappy in the marriage and you both should see a marriage counsellor.

Life is too short to spend in a relationship where there is no joy. king uncle replied. Dear Deepika,
You are truly facing a difficult situation.Hostile situation ,tough inlaws and indifferent husband.But do not be troubled life has its ups and downs and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.You lost your husband in between.Firts take charge of your life.If you have grown out of shape after child birth come back to shape.Giet a job start working.Approach your MIL and make peace with her for sometime.understand from her why ot has gome wors.Try to check out he affair angle from his good friends and office visit.make the child spend time with your husband.Then build your elationship with him again .Try sex again.Alos take care and then talk.Best wishes Srey replied. Dear Deepika,

I really hate the fact that your husband is doing this to you.(hiding money and such).

In a marriage, we all know that everything is equal. Even if the wife doesn' t work. She is entittled to a share or be aware of the income in the household.

How about you talk to him again. Make sure he is in a good mood that day. Then discuss the financial matter with him. Start out by saying something like this:

\" Honey, I know you will never do anything to hurt me and the kids, but...As your wife, I believed I can help you with some of the financial handlings. You work late at night, I know, we thank you...but, it' s only best that I help you take care of the bills and etc..So how about it?\"

Anyway, Your husband is dead Wrong!

Boyfriend and Girlfriend relationships handling his or her own money.

But in a Marriage.......This is Totally False. Husbands and wife, have joint account first. Then if they want to open an individual account, than that' s okay. Again they must tell each other, you know. But still.....You have every right to know where the money goes.

Sister replied. Dear deepika,
Even i feel there might be another woman somewhere in the picture.
Pls try to find out from friends and contacts abt his routine and what he does after work.
Gud luck and do tell us what happened. Namita replied. Was he the same before marriage?
Like quite, not sharing

does ur IL' s stay with u
about coming late ... wht i m going to tell u might sound bad to u but can u find out abt him from some of his friend, whome u know personally .... or call up at office no. in night, dnt give ur name just check if this person is there in office

i m asking u to do this bcoz of his change in behaviour ..... n when he is not discussing with you, you have to find out urself .... God forbid, if nothing of any affair sort is there then u can go ahead in convincing him to speak to u, or knowing his prob...

u have to first know abt. this