Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all,
we have a 4.5 yrs child, and din't really want a 2nd child, and to my greatest shock my pegnancy test has come out positive, and hence it has been an accidentalpregnancy.I am totally shocked about the news, and not feeling so excited about having the second one. But my hubby feels i must keep this child. But right from the beginning i din't feel too excited about the pregnancy. I did all the tests as just the requirement, and don't feel so happy about the new one to be. And hence i am in a dilemma whether to keep the child or not. But when i see my kid playing with other kids, i feel i am not doing justice for her, and even my hubby is truly excited about the news

But im feel i just can't go ahead with the pregnancy, just to satisfy others, when ia m not a bit excited about the news. I feel i will keep only crying and feeling sad throu out my pregnancy, and hence its not justice done to the new one. Moreover i always, imagined that my daughter will be my only child, and always, looked at her from only that angle. I ma really worried if i would give my best only to the first child and partial to her, in that case the 2nd one would feel neglected, and isn'tfairon my part to do that. Hence i am totally confused whether to have the child or not.
Though my husband is interested, he says, my decision is final, and if i have any negative thoughts about the 2nd one, i shouldn't proceed with this pregnancy, and abort the child as soon as possible. My lpriods were due on 29th of last month, and hence its 2 weeks now i think. And the doctor feels, i have to abort the child early if i don't wish to have it. Within which week should i abort the child, if at all i feel i don't need the child. ANy any similar moms in my situation. Please write to me ur suggestion. I am feeling terribly depressed, due to all this and not even eating and sleeping well. Please let me know ur opinions. I am just not able to arrive at a decison. On one hand i feel one kid is enough, and i can give my best to her, if i have only one. But when i think of abortion, i feel i am committing a sin, to a creature,for no reason at all. Does my thoughts make any sense.. morever, i feel a 5 yrs a 4months gap is too much between 2 kids.Please let me know ur suggestions. I am feeling terribly confused
thanks bye abx replied. hi \";mother in same boat\";,
Thanks for sharing ur experience. Now even my hubby has gone out on tour for a week, and hence we aren't able to dicuss the problems well, though i talk to him daily. But i called up few abortion clinics and got a date on saturday, but they want me to confirm it by wednesday, and i am really in a fix what to decide. I did an u/s and it says, that i am 8.5 weeks, pregnant. Hence i have to do things immediately if i am not interested in keeping this child. But i am a bit hesitant, while i think of my hubby's interest. But i think i have to either say a yes or no by this weekend, and put a full stop to this problem, as these dilemmas and worries, and mental tortures, never allow me to concentrate in anything.
bye mother in the same boat replied. Hi,

I also went thru the same situationlike u, I also have a daughter who is 3 yrs and I 've always looked her as my only daughter and I had a lot of complications thru out my 1st pregnancy that was the reason I'd wanted a single child, also I wanted to give her the best so I'd always wanted to have a single child cuz I felt if i have a second baby my responsibilites would be for both which I felt was incapable of. I also became pregnant, I had SIMILAR thoughts, my hubby was happy but he said it's my decision, my happiness what counts. I aborted the featus in the 6th week. I cried a lot after abortion for 2 days. I t pained a lot, u know whenever I used to close my eyes I used to see a small baby crying. I also felt,I comiited a sin. But when I became normal and resumed to my normal activities everything was normal, I don't think of that unborn featus any more. I felt, I took the right decision as I knew it would be very difficult for me to bring up two kids in a nuclear family and a very busy husband.

It's again upto you, think hard and wisely, it totally depends upon your personal decision. I really understand the situation you are in. It becomes difficult to decide.

All the Best!! May the almighty give you the strength to take the correct decision.

juvinile replied. hi

one good way of getting rid of this unwanted child would be to bring her in this world and then donate it to somebody wanting child desperately. i mean give for adoption.

thanks
juvi abx replied. Hi friends,
thanks for all the replies so far. I am trying my best, to convince myself that i must have the second child, and keep repeating the same thing to myself. But in spite of all attempts, why is it that iam not at all excited about the news. Normaly all girls feel so happy to know that they are pregnant. But i don't feel a bit thrilled, and this is what is really bothering me. Coz, if i am going to give birth to a child under so much of stress and unhappiness, what's the meaning in this pregnancy. And i feel i am going to have this baby just because, i feel aborting is a sin. Seems like more of a compulsion. Though my hubby is excited, he has given me a free hand, saying, my happiness is more important than anything, and i needn't abide by anything just to satisfy others.Did any other moms undergo the same kind of feeling like me, or am i feeling something strange. But share ur feelings. I sometimes feel i need to discuss about all these mixed thoughts in detail to my family doctor, before i decide anything. But again i must be quick in deciding, coz aborting after a long while is again dangerous. What do u all feel. just do it! replied. Since you are so concerned about neglecting the first/ second child, why don't you ask your daughter as to how she feels about a younger brother/sister. You can explain the pro's and cons of having a brother/sister and ask how she feels. I think she is 4.5 yrs and will give you new insight into the whole issue.
All the bast!
Please don't kill the unborn baby replied. Hi,

Please don't kill your unborn baby. The sad thoughts will go away once you see the face of your new little one. Just see the message boards in this website \";Trying since long\";, \";unexplained infertility\"; & \";Miscarriage and Childloss\";. When you see the feelings of others you would be happy as heaven to have one more child.

Please Please do not do this to your unborn baby.

Regards H. Padwal replied. Hi abx,
Please understand I have a lot to say, I will not try to sound \";mean\";...but I will be to the point.

If you didn't want any more children, why didn't you or your husband secure that by having the 'procedure'?

Having children does come with a lot of issues of financial, emotional, the age gap...but truly, you need to think of this child as a gift. You will have more room in your heart for this child than you realize. You will surely REGRET aborting it...You will be haunted on that for a lifetime.

Only in the case of rape, or life threatening issues should you really want to consider that (but that is just my opinion, don't be angry with me for it.)

The age gap isn't that big, yes you will be starting over, but think about if you would have become pregnant right after the first child? That would be difficult to say the least. You won't have to worry about juggling to babies in diapers and nursing two at the same time.

Make sense of why you are so upset about this pregnancy and make your decision quickly before you have more issues that will bother you. Your husband may even resent you for aborting this child though he may not say it. Then again, he may not.

I have two kids, one is 7 years old (boy), and 3 month old baby girl. I feel so blessed to have them in our life, I was surprised the second time around, but, I realized my son needed a sibling and I needed to realize I had enough love to go to another baby. My husband and I have been married for 12 years.

God bless you on whatever decision you have thoughtfully acted upon.

H. Padwal
(San Fransisco, CA)