dear sisters,
i lost my little girl last mnth and still not able to come to term . my husband really did a lot for me but h e never really supported me emotionaly when ia was pregenent . he never wanted a child and was very vocal . now my mother has come over for some time and is sleeping with me and my husband is thus at another room when ever i m alone with him he initiates sex and at times i donot like it. i beleive he is looking out for options when i confronted he denied .. i also feel though he says he feels the loss but at mind happy about it .i am loosing faith in him poornima replied. dear sudha,
Tons of thanks for u r reponse, and hope u have come to terms now and feeling quite normal.Your words make me feel that u r quite strong , emotionally,, unlike me...
What i feel mne could be totally due to the doc' s ignorance. At end of 4th month i was 61 kg and at completion of 5th month i was 60kgs. I was one kg less. The doc instead of going for a scan, she said that my intake was less. But my intake was very good. I used to eat 4 to 5 times daily. Even i complained about pain, the doc said its due to gastric..Probabaly i was not lucky enough to have a good doc.Hopefully everything will go fine 4 u next time and i hope u will see another RISHONA very soon.Good luck and god bless u.

sorry for delay in replying. with warm wishes, poornima k.radha replied. Hi Sudha,

Sweety I am so very sorry for your loss but don't think that your husband doesn't care, he does... Men cope differently than women and that is all it is. I think he is using sex as a form of intimacy & possibly misguided support. He is obviously trying hard to 'make a connection' with you. Think about things from his point of view, he didn't want this child initially n probably feels terrible guilt over his reactions... He is now sleeping in the spare room so that your mother can share your bed, that must make him feel like he is unable to be of any assistance to you emotionally. With your mother there I doubt very much that he will be able to help in other ways as I am sure your mother is taking very special care of you. What else has a man got left to offer? And before you jump in with a thpusand answers: think like a man... I think you'll find sex is the only answer you'll think of.

If anything he is struggling just as much as you are but where is his support? Do not get me wrong, such a loss is harder on the woman and it never truly ends but we can also be very inconsiderate of our men's needs. We can get very caught up in MY birth story, the baby I carried, the baby I lost, My sadness, My upset... ME ME ME. You're pushing him away without realising it and as much as you might doubt he feels this loss I can assure you he does. Why else would he give up HIS bed for your mother?? If he didn't care he wouldn't be doing what he can to attend your needs by allowing your mother to stay, I just can not believe otherwise.

Sudha it has only been a little while since you lost your gorgeous little girl. That isn't long enough to fully come to terms with things. At a time when you should be reaching out to each other you have closed the door. I know you are suffering, I know that you will need much more than your hubby can give but you must give him the chance to try. Don't go straight to plan B! I read a statistic that 80% of marriages don't survive the loss of a child and the number one factor behind that is due to one parent shutting the other one out.

Open up Sudha and give him a chance, you can't loose faith in someone if you have never placed your trust in them... Any woman who has been through what you've been through has every reason to doubt their partners sense of loss but that is all it is... A doubt. And no matter the situation the man's loss always seems less than our own because as mothers we do feel, act and love differently. Give him a chance and don't assume he should know what you need ot want. Be open and honest, tell him of your needs and I think you will be very happy with his actions. All the best now & Always
Kate sunidhi replied. I am really sorry about your loss. Men can be very un-understanding and selfish at times. I really do not have any advice for you, except for listen to your heart and do what you feel is good for you. Take care.