Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am going through a very bad phase of life

We married 3 years back, and i conceived immediately. It was not planned, and he was not prepared for a baby, but during my pregnancy, he got so involved in me, our baby and was happy with everythign going around... We have a good sex life, and are really happpy with whats going on... Our son is now 2.5 years old. We both are trying to give him good environment for his childhood.

BUT!!!!!!!!!

he is a very different kind of person. at times, i think he has married me just to have sex!!! he is basically from an orthodox family, where males should be treated like a king!! Am not brought up like that. in my family, we were 2 sisters, and we were broughtup equally... there was no discrimination at all. I am a well educated person. But I left my job after my delivery just to look after my baby , because my PIL backed out when we needed them the most!

Anyways, my hubby is a strange guy... at times, he loves me so much... its just yesterdya, it happend that he wanted sex and i had my periods in... I refused to have it and told him to wait for a day or two more... Its becaus eof the IUD that i start getting disturbed and my back and stomach starts paining a week before my actual date, once it starts everthing goes fine... EVEN HE KNOWS abut this... but now he said...everythign is over between us!! Its ok with me if you have it for a day or month or years.... i dont care abuot it anymore... and has stopped talking to me completely... i tried talking to him, but becuase of his few, very hurting words ... i lost my temper when i was convincing him, and said that you dont have any knowledge about how to keep your wife happy!!

He does not support me in anything... I asked him advice about my career, but he does not respond ... he just want me to take care of him and our son...which am sure i can do even if i start working... he does not want me to have any hairstyle of my own choice... and i do not like teh way he wants me to be!!

He just wants me to do everything what he wants!

I am very frustrated and have started having health problems ...

Please help!! I need someone to help me out... sonu replied. Hi Swati

Please do not take it out on ur child. My parents used to do that to us and i hated them for it and still do and u do not want ur child to resent u for that. Children are very sensitive to issues with parents so please try to be strong. I always mad up my mind that i would never argue infront of my baby and i dont...i wait i put him to sleep and then discuss with my husband.
Why u loosing sleep for ur husband u does not care about ur feelings...sleep with great pleasure. its not worth loosing ur sleep and taking ur frustrating out on ur child for someone who does not car.
all the best Swapna replied. Swati

I could have written a part of your post sans the sex part. My dh wants to have a say in everything I do. He wouldn' t let me cut my hair the way I want or get a jeans that I like. Everything has to be oked by him. I gave in for the first couple of years but now when I stand up to my taste, it hurts his feelings. He keeps telling that Ive changed over time and don' t love as I used to and invariably it drifts into a minor argument. Sorry ,Ive got nothing comforting to tell you ,but just want to let you know that you are not alone. Sorry for the rant. dd replied. Swati ,All men live in 12th century even in laws. Wives are meant to be on beck and call for them. Even my in laws and husband are like that. But the equation changes for my SIL. For her they demand from Son in law that he should treat her as equal.First of all do not give too much importance to what your in laws or husband want u to do or say. I let my husband do it initially . Now i dont. so my husband has backed off and doesnt tell me not to do anything.I dont overstep my limits. say for example changing my hairstyle buy a dress i want and wear.You should also do the same. once we stop asking their opinion they will not intrude.
As far as sex,you should also have a say in that. Do not do it forcibly. It is a mode of relaxation.As sonu said tell him how you feel.For men its a mode of relaxation for women we associate feelings and intimacy in that. So we are little more involved in it.The only way would be tell your husband how you feel.
And it aso looks like you miss working.Maybe you can think of going back to work. See keeping mind busy for 8 hrs a day with work and later home will be exhausting physically but mentally you will be very relaxed.
Take care . sonu replied. Hi Swati

Sorry to hear about your dilema...Its sad to hear that ur husband just uses u for sex....That is really out of order u cannot base a marriage on just sex and u have to try and talk to him and tell him. If he is not willing to talk then write him an email or a letter and put down all the points that is easier.
I think u should go back to work as u will be a different person and cut ur hair the way u want to....its ur hair...
my husband does the same sometimes and u know now i dont ask him i just do it then tell him...he dnt even say anything once done...if ur husband is not wiling to compromise then u cant stop living for urself.
Be confident....all the best