Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi ,
I live in a foreign country & have a 18mts old son . I was very young when my father died & so have been very close to my mother since i was young . I got married when i was 21 & came to US after 1 yr of my marriage. It has been 6 yrs of marriage now . My relationship with my husband was very good for the 1st 4yrs or so & ever since then , it has just been a downfall. I got pregnant in 2002 & broke the news to everyone. Everyone was very happy & when i requested one person out of my in laws to come & help me during the birth & after care (as it is very difficult to manage alone in a foreign country) My in laws clearly said that they could not come to help me at all (as my MIL doesn't keep very well) .Well finally my mom took long leave from her job & she has been here ever since then ....just to help me out with the work & so that my husband & i can carry on with our carrers smoothly.
My mom now ends up not only looking after my son but also doing all the work in the house (as we both work) . Now both my mom & Husband are very strong individuals & often get into arguements about him not doing any work in the house & ignoring both me & my child beacuse of his work . IT really upsets my mom when he gets rude & i end up fighting with him as well because of this . These conflicts has become a very frequent thing as my husband works late & my mom feels that he takes no responsibilty for me & my son & just comes home to yell & release his frustration of work . SHe feels that he takes her & me ,both for granted & does not appreciate anythin she (my mom ) is doing . I am also feeling like that nowdays & feel really guilty for calling mom here just for my selfish interest.

I having been feeling very low beacuse of these fights between my mom , husband & then eventually myself with both of them .I feel it is all my fault as i made the decision for mom to come here & help me.

My husband also now ignores me & my mom has developed high blood pressure beacuse of this. I feel very upset ... pls tell me what i should do?
unluckyme replied. hi
abha,

i read your story. I think both of you should thank your mother and send her back to India. She is not your servant, you have to manage your family yourself. Also if you don't want to detorirate relationship of your husband and your mother.
best of luck cd replied. ya me agrees to name even though not as much harshly..

you do need to take charge of the situtaion. Your mom is not caretaker of your family. what abt the rest of teh family?Is your father managing well without your mom?

Time to thank mom and send her back graciously!

the second issue is your husbad. Do you think what your mom feels as problems are true? you havent specified whether you agree or not..

Then its time to do a tlk show with your husband. probably your husband is a frustrated daughter-in-law in this case? Can you see what i mean here..?

Ironic isnt it? talk to him and you will know the truth.

good luck. name replied. Hi!

People calling parents for help please remeber one thing. They are not ur servants. Even if both of u are working, it is ur responsibility to do ur own chores. It is pity and disgusting to utilise a mother for everything.

If ur stressed out with work, why should ur mom take leave? why can't u do the same thing? How old is the baby? After a baby is born, usually u need help for 3 months, if not max 6 months. Why r u keeping ur mom for so long here?

U r right!! u r very selfish. Not only u get to keep ur job but also a free baby sitter and a free maid.

Just imagine, ur mil came to u for help and u not doing anything. What will ur hubby say? For that matter, ur mil is very intelligent for not offering help((i guess she knew both of ur selfish nature).
Ur mom came to help by taking a long leave. First, u both start appreciating that.
If u don't recognise what ur mom is doing for u, expecting ur hubby to recognise is a joke.
And also u were preg in 2002 and now it is 2004. Lady, u got enough free service from ur mom. Start taking care of ur responsibilities.