Relationships  Discussion Forum

I recently read the thread about Nice things, that Chameli wrote. Thanks Chameli, that was a very nice opening post. It definitely creates a strong +ve atmosphere around and also build hopes among people since there is not always –vity in the air.

I have a kind and loving hubby. He is understanding and tries to look things from perspective whenever there is a counter opinion from my end. On a general basis, he has strong opinions about certain things. However, whenever he is surrounded around his folks (Mom/Dad/Sister), he tries not to interfere and obey them. I respect that approach of his, but at times it gets over boards. MY SIL (3 yrs elder to my hubby) lives in a diff state, here in US. And she will scold me or him for not calling her every now and then. She always has one statement that she doesn’t have time coz of my son, but you guys have plenty time, why can’t you call me? I am working, and so is my hubby. There are times, where we ourselves have to take time to talk to each other, and it gets so pushy when she says those words and start scolding us. I make it a point to ask my hubby to call his sister. But still she complains if we miss 2 days. Overall, her behavior is good towards me but sometime, she appears to have a strong control over the whole family. Now- recently she has started pushing my hubby to move to the same place where they are living. And my hubby is inclined to the thought as well as he is looking for a job change. I fear about this move. I don’t want to move, and be near to her. I feel that with distance, atleast, it is easy for us to manage. But when we wont have any distance, my SIL would have more control on us and my hubby wont speak a word.

What should I do? Shall I talk to my hubby about it? I am worried, as he might take it otherwise, as he is getting good job offers from that area and he might think that I am trying to hold him not only from a good opportunity but also from his sister. Please advise and suggest what I should be doing?
shravani replied. I feel Smriti, u r being fair in your complaint. Your SIL should first respect you both for calling her every now and then. She should not take you both for granted thinking that it is your ' duty' always to call her. I think she needs to understand that both of you work in a country like USA and at least not be rude in her tone. I would suggest that you limit the calls made to her inspite of her complaints and let her get accustomed to the idea that you both are a different family than hers and she should respect your privacy, and way of life.If she complains on the phone, dont reply or say anything, just change the topic. And then postpone the next call for a few more days , till she stops complaining.
Chameli replied. Hi Smriti,

Thank you first.Then I suggest you shud talk to your husband abt this issue.Try to explain him that moving near to ur SIL means sharing the very special time u get for each other with yet another person and since u both r working u might need ur weekends all for urself.That may not be possible.Also ask ur husband to explain to his sister that u can' t keep calling her.May be u can brush aside now if she scolds u or ur husband but what if this keeps happening. Do you think you can take this lifelong?It' s high time you solved this issue. Mona replied. I have a somewhat similar situation as yours- and my BIL' s wife- is studying in her college. Coincidently her field of study is the same as mine. And she gets all her work done through me. I can' t say no, so keep doing it. My husband wants me to do it too. What can i do? I have to unwillingly do the tasks. She tries to control me and scold me if something is not done as per her terms. I don' t know how to handle it too :(. I wish I could help you- but all i think is talk to your husband if he is understanding. someone replied. You are saying your SIL' s behaviour is good towards you.then what is your problem I do not understand?!
All she is asking for is little of your time in a day to talk to her?! that is all she wants!
there are sister in laws who only talk to the brother & not to brother' s wife at all!some even preach brother bad things about his wife!your SIL seems to be decent genuine & only wants little more attention from you both!
this shows she is fond of her brother.is not that a good thing?if you have a sister or brother & you are fond of them wont you expect them to call you regularly being here locally in USA?Come on grow up Gal,
just like you are yoru husband' s wife she is your husband' s sister!each hold a special place in his life!Enjoy your time with Sis in Law.